


The Dream of the Apples

by Guardian



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Implied Torture, M/M, Pseudo-Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-21
Updated: 2012-11-24
Packaged: 2017-11-12 13:50:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 62,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/491754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guardian/pseuds/Guardian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki cannot escape his cell in Asgard, but when he sleeps he can be at Thor's side, and perhaps those fleeting visits are all that he has left to cherish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Clint rarely ever had to announce dinner in the Avengers tower. As soon as the scent got into the air, the other members came scrambling. Apparently the scent of a home-cooked meal could even carry down into Stark's labs, but Clint suspected that Bruce and his inner beast had more to do with that.

Either way, tonight was one of those nights when the dinner announced itself. Clint and Natasha were setting the table when the other teammates started pouring in.

"Please tell me dinner is ready," Tony said, a plea hinging on a threat.

"It will be in ten minutes," Natasha answered, leveling a cool warning gaze at Tony.

"This is torture," Tony muttered, petulant and melodramatic as always.

"If you're so hungry, you can help," Natasha offered with an innocent smile.

"Oh, no, no," Tony backpedaled immediately, literally stepping backwards out of the kitchen. "You two are just so good and I'd hate to interfere-" his lame excuses were interrupted when he bumped into Thor's solid chest, startling himself. The god smiled, amused, and placed a hand on Tony's shoulder to steady him. Steve was by Thor's side – the two had been working in the gym apparently, judging by the sweat that covered them both.

"Smells good," Steve said.

Thor grinned. "Already this feast sets the mouth watering."

"I'll go wait in the other room," Tony declared, quickly leaving while Natasha rolled her eyes.

"I'll help you set the table," Steve offered, polite as ever.

"Yes, more helping, less standing around drooling," Natasha nodded appreciatively, and moved out of the way while Steve grabbed plates.

"Thor. Forks and knives, please?" Steve asked.

Together, they had dinner set in five minutes. Thor and Steve set the table, Bruce helped carry out steaming hot bowls of vegetables, Clint carved up the baked ham, Natasha sliced the fresh-baked bread with light-handed cuts.

"Look at us," Tony declared, leaning back in his chair once his plate was clean, and the others were finishing up. "We can even put a meal together." He lifted his glass in cheers. "I'd say we're a great team."

"Who said differently?" Steve asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Tony, you didn't even help," Natasha reminded him, her eyebrows scrunching with disapproval.

"I did!" Tony protested, gesturing with the glass in his hand. "I picked out the wine."

There was a general scoff from the table, and Natasha scooted out of her seat, picking up her empty plate to bring to the kitchen.

"Great dinner, as always," Bruce said to Clint. "The only thing I hate about eating here... there's never any _leftovers_." he cast a pointed look at Thor and Steve, and Clint laughed.

Natasha returned to the table, picking up Clint's empty plate.

"Allow me to assist," Thor said quickly, standing up and gathering his dirtied dishes. He'd adjusted well to little chores like this – they were all so novel to him – and the others appreciated his willingness to help out.

"Thanks, guys," Natasha said, rewarding good behavior with a smile at Thor and Bruce as they moved to collect plates, cups, and silverware.

"You're welcome," Tony smirked over the rim of his glass, cheeky as ever.

" _You're_ doing the dishes," Natasha growled, casting a fierce look at him over her shoulder as she walked into the kitchen again.

Tony choked on his drink. "What? You're joking. Bruce and I have very important work in the lab right now. Some time-sensitive stuff."

"It's only time-sensitive if we leave it for a thousand years," Bruce cut in, making a face at Tony's weasling lies.

"You're not helping me out here, Banner."

"Just do the dishes, Tony," Steve frowned.

"But I'm so bad at it," Tony still objected, pouting now.

"It's just hot water and soap," Steve reasoned. "It's not rocket science."

"That's _why_ I'm bad at it," Tony exaggerated the pout.

"We cooked, you clean," Clint shrugged, getting out of his seat.

"But it seems like such a disproportionate amount of work," Tony complained, getting up and following the others into the kitchen. It was a sort of melee in the kitchen, with dishes being deposited into the sink, clean things being put away into their proper places, Thor picking bits of leftover ham out of the pan it had been setting in. "Why don't we have a dishwasher?"

"We do," Natasha answered. "Tonight it's called 'Tony Stark'."

"Oh, ha ha," Tony said over the snickering from the other men. "Very funny. Seriously, though, maybe a Maytag or a Whirlpool-"

"Are you really being this difficult or do you _not know_ how to do-" Natasha rounded the island counter in the kitchen, and abruptly halted, her sentence finished by the crash of glass onto the floor that startled everyone into alert silence as she dropped the dishes in favor of pulling out her gun.

"Don't even move," Natasha said, in a low, dangerous tone. "Don't even breathe."

"What-?" Tony stepped forward to see whatever it was that Natasha saw, and realized that it was a man who was sitting on the floor, his back against the cupboards, knees drawn up. Not just any man, but-

"Loki," Steve said, surprised by the god who had suddenly appeared by his feet.

"Brother," Thor added breathlessly, his face contorting with confusion.

There was a tense, still moment as the Avengers stared at their enemy, and Loki blinked back at them.

"Jarvis?!" Tony yelled.

"Brother, what have you done?" Thor asked, pushing past Clint to make his way around the island. He cautiously approached Loki, but his brother was odd... he simply stared at him, as if equally confused. "How did you escape from Asgard after these long months?"

"Jarvis, please explain to me how the hell Loki got into this realm, let alone this tower without setting off a million sensors?" Tony demanded to know.

"Sir?" an uncertain synthesized voice sounded from the ceiling. "The sensors do not detect any intruders."

Tony touched his forehead, feeling an aneurysm coming on. "Run a diagnostics, and then do a full sweep," he ordered, his words terse, annoyed with the holes in his security system.

"Brother?" Thor questioned, his voice quieter now (quieter for Thor, anyways). He came closer and crouched down, making himself very small until he was almost level with Loki, who shuffled and drew himself up tighter, his green eyes peering out at Thor impassively. "How did you manage to escape?"

"I'm not your brother," Loki replied, but his rebuke was soft-spoken, lacking the usual biting edge that he was so famous for.

Thor frowned, forever perplexed by Loki's desolate view. "You _are_ my brother, Loki. Always. I care not whether our blood is the same. We were raised as kin."

The words seemed to have little effect on Loki, who still wore that slight frown, his brows drawn together in puzzlement. "You are as sentimental and dull as ever," he murmured, disappointed.

"I'm sorry, Thor," Natasha interrupted, her gun still aimed at Loki's head. "We need to call Fury. If he managed to escape from Asgard, S.H.I.E.L.D. will have to step in now to contain him."

Thor gave her the saddest look, and then turned back to Loki. "I am sorry, my brother, but it must be so," he agreed, and reached out to grab Loki about the arms and lift him to his feet.

He ended up severely off-balanced, coming up too quickly and stumbling back against the island – his hands had grabbed _nothing_.

"Loki," Thor shook his head, as if to clear it, and bent to grab his brother again, reminding himself of Loki's tricks. "Do not resist," he pleaded, and carefully grasped Loki in his hands – or didn't. Instead, his hands went through Loki, without the slightest sensation.

"What just happened?" Bruce questioned slowly, glancing about his uneasy comrades.

"Sir?" the synthesized male voice interrupted hesitantly. "The diagnostics are complete. System is fully functional."

"And the sweep?" Tony asked impatiently, his arms folded, eyes on Loki.

"There are only six bodies present in the building, sir. They are yourself, Steve Rogers, Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton, and Thor. No one else is present."

"But Loki is here," Thor objected aloud to the disembodied voice, as if afraid that it had the power to declare that Loki no longer existed.

"No. I'm not," Loki tilted his head questioningly. "How could I be? There is no way to escape."

"You are Loki. You are clever," Thor insisted, frowning. "You weave trickster magic as easily as you breathe. You open locks for which no key was ever forged."

"But I have thrown myself to every crevice of my cell," Loki frowned, suddenly more animated as he spoke. He shifted his shoulders, sitting forward more, ignoring how Natasha's gun moved to follow him. "I have physically traced every crack, every chip, every stone. I have sworn curses and recited the runes and drawn-" he stopped himself, chewing on his nails for a moment, distracted by some thought. "The best warding was used for my prison. It's... impressive, actually," he smiled, briefly, as if pleased at the idea of what lengths it took to contain him. "But there is no escape," he added, and shook his head.

Thor had never been more confused in his life. "How could you say so, and prove otherwise? I am not so slow to be fooled by such obvious lies."

"And I am not so desperate to be enticed by fevered dreams," Loki responded, narrowing his eyes slightly. "But... I can't decide... are you meant to torment me?" his eyebrows suddenly lifted, expression softening with surprise as a new thought crossed his mind. "Or do you speak truth?"

Thor opened his mouth to respond, and in an instant, in the blink of an eye, Loki was suddenly gone.

"Brother?" he questioned, reaching into open air and touching the cabinets behind where Loki had sat. He stood and turned, casting a bewildered look to each of his equally confused teammates. "What was that?" he questioned, hoping that one of them would have the answer.

"Jarvis?!" Tony yelled again, taking off into some other part of the building with an air of purpose.

"We were hoping you would tell us," Natasha said, finally lowering her gun, but not yet holstering it. She still glanced around, expecting Loki to reappear.

"I thought you said that Asgard would be able to contain him," Steve said.

"I believed it to be true," Thor answered, "but I also know that Loki has the greatest command of magic than any I've ever seen. Even the All-Father. The greatest forgers and sorcerers were called to enhance his cell. I doubt even Mjolnir could break through such walls. But Loki.... Loki has no need to break that which can be slipped through."

"So you're saying he might have found a way out," Bruce said, and Thor nodded. "So if he did, maybe seeing him here was one of his magic tricks? That's why you couldn't touch him."

"But why would he show up at all and let Thor know he escaped?" Clint lifted an eyebrow with doubt.

"Thor would find out one way or another," Natasha stated. "He likely meant to confuse us. Maybe he thinks we'll be stupid enough to believe that if we see him somewhere else that he's not _really_ there. Whatever that means. I think we all know now that Loki's schemes are disastrous, but not well-laid."

"We should contact S.H.I.E.L.D. immediately," Steve suggested. "See if he's appeared anywhere else, and see what Fury has to say."

 

~~~

 

The news set S.H.I.E.L.D. on red alert for a full week. During that time they continuously scanned worldwide for any image or audio that remotely matched Loki -- they even investigated a hit that turned out to be just a man, Tom Hiddleston, who was unfortunate enough to resemble the god.

Tony was furious to discover that his security footage had no image of Loki – only a blank spot that they all appeared to be staring at like crazy people – and no audio of his replies. 

"This must be the work of another," Thor finally confessed before his team one day. "I have dwelled on this for many nights. It occurs to me that brother has always had a particular style to his magic, such as one has a style by which they fight. I have seen his illusions cast many times. Always they form and disperse themselves with the shimmering colors of green or gold. Loki's colors. This was not the same. This was not Loki."

So it was settled, and new questions arose, ones that were even more confusing to think about than the original ones. Who would have the means to project an image of Loki into the mansion? Was that means mystical or technological? Furthermore, what was the purpose behind such a stunt? Why did Loki – or whoever – talk about things the way he had? 

"What do you know about the conditions of your brother's sentence?" Bruce questioned one night.

"He is to be bound in the dungeons of Asgard for a thousand years," Thor responded mournfully. "As I said, his prison was warded by the best..."

"Not to upset you, but do you think it's possible that they had him killed?" Clint asked, hesitating between words.

Natasha's lips quirked with amusement. "Are you suggesting that we all saw a ghost?"

Nothing made sense. Steve finally declared that the intent had been to distract them, and that it was working. They finally stopped trying to read wildly into it, and focused on keeping alert for present danger instead. All the while, Tony added upgrades to the security system like a man possessed.

While the others could make light, Thor was shaken. He thought of nothing else but Loki, and would have returned home to Asgard to demand answers if he wasn't half convinced that the entire thing was some sort of trick set to make him look like a fool. The appearance of the image lacked the signs of Loki's magic, as he had said earlier. And Loki's image lacked any regalia, clothed only in simple Asgardian attire – a green tunic, simple leggings and bared feet. Loki would never choose to appear to him that way.

It was more than a week later when Thor woke from a restless dream one night to find Loki in his room, watching him. He sat upright in earnest, his sheets pooling into his lap. It was then, watching Loki's face, that he realized this was no illusion. No one could possibly mimic his brother so perfectly. And unlike those illusions, he could _feel_ Loki's presence, could very nearly smell him.

"You lied to me, brother," Loki said, disappointed.

"I would never speak falsehoods," Thor objected immediately.

"No," Loki agreed, "but _I_ am a liar. And you are a figment of my mind."

Thor stared at Loki, who was glancing about the room, his insatiable curiosity always driving him to examine everything. Despite the plainer clothes, and bared feet, Thor now had no doubt that this was his brother. His hair was combed back, making him appear far more placid and younger than when he had last seen him. His eyes were green once more, nearly the same color as his garments, and carried the caution and unease that was so particular to his brother. This was the Loki that Thor remembered. It made his chest ache with longing to catch him and capture him.

"You think me a figment, brother?" Thor whispered.

Loki nodded, and Thor rose from his bed to examine him closer. "I know for certain that I am in Asgard," Loki stated reasonably, but his breath came a little shakily under Thor's intent gaze. "That I am imprisoned. That my walls are nigh unbreakable in themselves, and then enchanted thrice more against my magic. And that now I sleep. Now I dream. And here I am."

"This is no dream, Loki," Thor insisted. His brother's form was so vivid, so flawless, but when he reached out to touch him, his fingers slipped through Loki's form once again, sensing nothing in the empty air. This dilemma did not escape Loki's notice.

"I am not senseless enough to believe otherwise," Loki said, his voice quiet and resigned. "There is no feeling or substance to this place."

"Brother, this is Midgard, and I am awake and quite real," Thor asserted. "It is you who has somehow thwarted your cell, and appear before me as a vision."

"I find such debate tiresome, Thor," Loki slowly lowered himself to the floor, sitting down, and ran his fingers through his dark hair. "You could never wield words as you wield Mjolnir. I am too aware that this is all a farce, and nothing could persuade me otherwise, least of all anything from your clumsy lips. But speak to me, regardless."

"What would you have me say?" Thor sat down on the floor as well, mirroring Loki. "I did not want to fight you, brother. I did not want you imprisoned. It is punishment to me as well, for my soul will weep every day that you are taken from my side."

"You would still claim to want me by your side, although my veins are full of Jotun blood?"

Thor furrowed his brow. "You are not Jotun to me, you are merely _Loki_. You will always be Loki."

"Loki, whose name has become insult among Aesir," his brother murmured. "Who sought devastation for Jotunheim, and subjugation for Midgard, and failed laughably at both."

"These were mistakes made, but nothing more," Thor said. "Did I not seek the same bloodshed in Jotunheim, and for naught than glory?" he hung his head in shame. "I have learned, brother, and been redeemed. And I hold the same hope for you."

"You would grant me redemption?"

"It is something everyone deserves," Thor nodded, convicted in his beliefs.

"Not I," Loki shook his head.

"Even you. Especially you," Thor leaned forward to touch Loki's cheek – a gesture that he had to mime, tracing his fingers as close to Loki's flesh as possible without touching, trying not to break the illusion.

It did not escape Thor how his brother quivered.

"I would never forgive myself," Loki stated.

"But I do forgive you, brother," Thor murmured.

"You are like a summer storm," Loki replied, glancing down, his lips quirking to a silent laugh even as his eyes glistened with wet. "You are quick to rage, and quick to soothe over once again. Perhaps it is my heritage that makes it so hard for me to be warm towards anyone... even myself."

Thor frowned, studying his brother's face. It was rare to see Loki so vulnerable with his emotions, and he wished that he could wipe away the tears from his brother's eyes, and then kiss each cheek in turn, and hold him fast for good measure.

"I would gladly carry the burden of your pain, Loki," Thor pledged.

"I know you would," Loki replied, but his eyes fixed on his brother so intently for a moment, as if we could read what was written on Thor's soul. "This is no dream," he finally murmured.

"No," Thor agreed, surprised. "It is not. I told you as much."

"That was not enough to convince me," Loki said. "For if you were a figment of my own mind, it would be a lie. But you are too kind, too forgiving to be my own imagination. If I were you, I would _never_ forgive."

"But you are not me," Thor replied immediately. A kind smile crossed his lips, but it was chased away by concern when his brother slipped into thought, and resumed the strange new habit of anxiously biting his fingertips. "So how could you be here?"

"I know not," Loki shrugged his shoulders, genuinely at a loss. "But I am not here, am I? I am less tangible than breath. I know that my body resides in my cell, in Asgard. I know that I now dream, and when I awake I will be in my prison once more. And I know that there is no escape from my cell, that it entirely prevents me from summoning even the most basic magic. And yet I speak to you, and you yourself are real."

"I am," Thor nodded earnestly. 

Loki stared at Thor, at his brother's kind blue eyes, and then around at the room masked in darkness.

"You should sleep," Loki advised. "Your companions will be quite angry if you are exhausted by daybreak."

"No, brother. I will not leave you," Thor responded.

Loki managed to look sadder than before, but his brows drew together with a sort of determination, and he rose to his feet. "Sleep," he urged, and disappeared in that abrupt, unnatural way.

 

x


	2. Chapter 2

Steve was surprised to wake up for his morning workout and find Thor already in the gym. The Asgard was dressed in his training gear, and had utterly demolished three punching bags already. He sat on a step with sweat still on his brow, but it was not sweat that was in his eyes, and Thor purposefully did not look at his friend, although he was never ashamed to show emotion.

"You okay?" Steve asked quietly, removing the bindings from his hands and sitting down next to Thor. He knew that he wasn't, and didn't wait for Thor to answer. "You want to talk about it?"

"My brother appeared to me again last night," Thor stated.

Every muscle in Steve's body went tense. "What happened?"

"He thought me to be a dream, until he was convinced that I was quite real," Thor related. "And then he said he did not wish to keep me from sleep. And he vanished again."

"And... you didn't sleep," Steve guessed.

"Nay," Thor shook his head, and wiped the tears from his eyes. "I wished that he would return, that I could see my fill of him again – whole and well once more. The Loki I once knew. And I would tell him another thousand times that I do not care if he is not Odinson, he is my only brother."

Steve was quiet, doing what little he could to console his teammate, and being kind enough not to remind Thor of what the others thought of his brother. 

But he still had to mention it to the others that Loki had reappeared to Thor, and before he knew it, breakfast was abuzz with the news.

"I can't believe it," Tony grumbled, a pen clenched between his teeth, a hand-held computer in front of his face, which he fiddled with, opening various windows and trying to enhance the security footage. "Full-spectrum camera, and he still isn't on film. All I got is a visual of Thor acting like a nine-year-old girl at a slumber party. You sure this isn't a mind trick?"

"Nay," Thor asserted, scowling as he shoveled down his breakfast. "Loki knows many tricks, but he himself was at a loss for how it could be done."

"Sorry, but the one thing we know for sure about Loki is that he lies," Tony said. "So I'm only taking this to mean that we just haven't figured out how he's doing this."

"I can tell you few truths that I know," Thor sighed. "That if he left his cell in Asgard, even for a moment, the All-Father would sound alarm within an instant. And that if he appeared in Midgard, Fury would sound the alarm within an instant. And that if there were a way for Loki to escape his prison, he would immediately remove himself far from either realm. And that if he had not genuinely believed me to be a figure in his dreams, he would not have spoken to me so openly."

"So what _is_ this, then?" Clint asked. "He's not physically here, and you say that it can't be magic. But what else could it be?"

"He says he dreams, and finds himself here," Thor said. "And he awakes in his prison."

"He's dreaming," Steve repeated, doubtful. "That's impossible."

"Scientifically, yes," Bruce agreed, "but Asgard and the – Aesir? – seem to break a lot of the rules."

"Speaking of breaking rules," Natasha added, turning her hard gaze to Tony. "Why do you have cameras in our bedrooms?"

 

~~~~

 

The day was long and exhausting. In one part of town, Hydra had put a robbery into motion with the intent to steal millions. In another part, a fuel line had been ruptured and set ablaze. It took far too long to stop the damage of either plot, to detain every wrongdoer that they could, and for the fires to be extinguished.

They finally left long after the sun had set, leaving firefighters to tend the still-cooling remains of charred buildings. Fortunately, no one had gotten hurt and SHIELD was monitoring everything.

"They were extra security measures," Tony tried to defend himself while his suit was dismantled. 

"You'll be removing them," Natasha said.

"Okay, okay."

"Tonight," she added, arms folded, following Tony in from the roof.

"Remind me again why I gave you a lift instead of making you take the elevator?" Tony grumbled. 

"Tony," Natasha warned. 

He entered the building, stopping short at the sight of Loki waiting within. "Oh, look!" he gestured dramatically. "There's an evil madman in our living room. Now's hardly the time to talk about downgrading the system. Jarvis, please do a full analysis on this spot --" he stepped towards Loki and gestured wildly at the space where Loki stood, his hands passing through the trickster "-- right here. This spot right here. Use everything."

Loki blinked patiently while the disembodied computer's voice responded in the affirmative to Tony's orders. 

"Where is Thor?"

"He'll be up shortly," Tony answered, going to the bar and pouring himself a strong drink. Presently, the faint sound of boisterous voices came through the walls. "Hey, there he is," Tony said, just as the door opened, and the remaining team came through. "Thor, your little bro is here to see you," he informed in an overly perky tone, fluttering his eyelashes.

"Loki," Thor's voice was thunderous, as always, and a genuine smile split his face as he stepped into the room and Loki approached him.

"Damn it," Tony muttered. "Jarvis, Jarvis -- right over _here_."

"Are you wounded?" Loki frowned at the sight of blood on Thor's chin, instinctively reaching out to heal his brother, but of course, his touch was useless in every way.

Surprised, Thor wiped the bit of blood away from the corner of his mouth. "Aye, the green beast still favors me roughly," Thor answered, his eyes twinkling with good humor at Bruce, who was rather disheveled and shirtless and looked embarrassed.

"The Hulk punched him through a wall," Clint explained.

Loki nodded, pale, recalling his own encounter with the monster. "I was worried that you had gone to Asgard."

"I intend to," Thor replied. 

"No!" Loki cried, unexpectedly loud and making nearly everyone still. "Do you hate me so much?" he questioned, trembling.

"I meant to seek after you," Thor blinked, stupefied. "I wish pay visit and see you in person."

Loki shook his head. "Do not return to Asgard. Not on my account. You cannot hold a secret, and I fear father would make my next prison an airless tomb. Unless you wish not to see me again – and then I would certainly leave and never return to disturb you, but please do not be so cruel-"

"Never!" Thor pledged, startled. "I would sooner be shamed in battle than go mere days without your company, brother. I would never wish you harm-"

"Then do not return to Asgard," Loki interrupted quietly, still tense. "If Odin suspected in the slightest, he would do well to make sure we never met again until Ragnarok."

"I will not utter a word to father," Thor promised, and Loki relaxed fractionally, a small, troubled smile pinching his mouth.

"So you intend to keep popping in regularly?" Steve asked, regarding Loki with calm, guarded eyes.

"Friend, I beg you, allow me the small joy of seeing my brother," Thor entreated. "What harm is there that he could do?"

"For starters? Massive. Security. Breach," Tony deadpanned.

Steve glanced at Tony, and then looked back at Thor's pleading eyes. "Primarily, I'm worried about the fact that every time he's appeared, you lose sleep."

"I told you to rest," Loki frowned. "If I disturb you so much, perhaps-"

"No!" Thor extinguished Loki's words before they could form. "What disturbs me so is when you leave. It puts my mind ill at ease, reminding me of all the time I thought you dead."

Loki paused for a moment, his mouth creasing with a frown. "You are too old to cling to your kin," he chastised. Thor merely responded with a most pitiful expression, and Loki was aware of how Thor's friends-in-arms still watched them so closely. He shook his head, and relented with a sigh. "Your armor will soon tarnish from neglect, brother. And what of lonely Mjolnir? You are hardly worthy to wield her if you so bewail the merciful punishment of the loathsome betrayer Loki."

Thor smiled broadly and laughed at the jab, knowing well that Loki meant no harm, only to give him a hard time. "Come then," he swept his arm at Loki in a welcoming gesture. "You should see to it that I attend to my belongings properly."

The brothers walked off together, and Steve decided not to follow – Tony was chaperone enough, chasing after them with drink in hand, calling for Jarvis's attention the whole time.

Steve turned his attention to the others. "What do you think?"

"I think I need a new shirt," Bruce muttered, leaving for his room.

"He makes Thor happy," Natasha answered, not afraid to face the question. "They both seem more at ease this way. I don't see the harm in letting Loki hang around. But I don't see the harm in finding a way to stop him, in case he changes his attitude again. Now if you'll excuse me, I intend to go remove Tony's precious cameras myself. And by remove I mean break."

Steve and Clint stayed out of her path as she left, and then they turned to look at each other.

"Filet mignon for dinner, with quinoa tabbouleh," Clint stated. "I could use a hand."


	3. Chapter 3

Surprisingly, that night was one of the few times that Clint had to actually find Thor and Tony and tell them to come for dinner. 

The two Avengers settled in at the table, and Loki perched himself on one of Tony's decorative counter-tops. He seemed all at once out of place, but entirely comfortable, his long legs sprawled a mile apart, hands folded passively.

"How do you do that, brother?" Thor questioned, his mouth full of meat and quinoa.

"For Frigg's sake, Thor, chew properly," Loki muttered, flicking his eyes away from the sight.

Thor shut his mouth and swallowed, then took a bit of his drink. "If you can touch nothing, how do you sit so?"

"The same way I stand upon the floor," Loki answered, with an air of irritation that Thor did not even notice, he was so used to it. "I cannot move anything in this realm – but I do not move the floor."

"Oh," Thor fell quiet, focused on devouring the meal that was set in front of him.

"I found your camera, Tony," Natasha spoke up, twirling a wire around her fingers.

The conversation was thrown between the Avengers for the rest of the meal, sparring with words until, once again, the meal finished and Natasha declared that Tony should do the washing up.

"Excuse me, but I'm busy!" Tony protested, gesturing at Loki, who had followed his brother around while Thor took his dishes to the sink. "His dark majesty has been here for one, two hours – maybe longer. I've got a lot of data to sift through."

Loki smiled. "Dark lords must return to their dark realms," he stated, chuckling to himself. He regarded at his brother, apologetic. "My own meal is to be served soon – I mustn't sleep through it."

"Do they bring you good victuals, brother?" Thor questioned, genuinely concerned.

"Aye," Loki smirked, folding his arms behind him. "The _meinsamr_ come from the walls, the hollows and dark spaces within, and the _grō̆s-hvatvetna_ with them, as large as horses."

"The _meinsamr_ come?" Thor repeated, his voice booming, appalled. "And you, defenseless in your cell!"

Loki's eyes widened at Thor's outburst, his smile wincing. "I jest, brother!"

"They would allow the _meinsamr_ to set upon you?" Thor repeated loudly, unconvinced.

"Never!" Loki asserted, trying to calm his brother. "Not even _they_ are allowed to visit me, lest I should use my silver tongue to build an army."

"An army," Thor repeated. He finally chuckled, and Loki felt relief. "An army of _meinsamr_.... Yes, if anyone could do such a thing, it would be you, dear brother. Riding a _grō̆s-hvatvetna_ to freedom, no less."

"A very fine mount," Loki agreed, grinning.

"There are none with you?" Thor asked, hesitant.

"Only myself," Loki answered, flicking his eyes up to the ceiling, but Thor didn't seem to catch Loki's self-loathing witticism. "I have to go now," he said, resolved. And he disappeared.

Thor sighed, and briefly put his hand to the spot where Loki had last stood, though he knew it was illogical anyway – even if Loki were still there, he would feel nothing. He dropped his hand and turned back to his friends sadly.

"Mmmmkay," Tony was the first to break the silence, never shy about being nosy. "What is a _meinsamr?_ And the … other thing."

Thor frowned at his friend for a moment before he remembered that many of the creatures of Asgard were strange to the mortals. "They are... how would you say it?" Thor hesitated, trying to think of an accurate comparison in this world. " _Meinsamr_ are like the rats of Midgard, but they are without fur, and have the talons of birds. The _grō̆s-hvatvetna_ are similar, but larger, with the strong hind legs of a jack rabbit and enormous mouths and fangs," Thor gestured expressively all the while, but caught the looks of his friends and sheepishly lowered his hands. "Uhm, but the _grō̆s-hvatvetna_ are only children's tales, of course."

"Right," Tony agreed, though he hardly understood. "So they're feeding your brother bird-rats. That's interesting."

"Tony," Natasha laid a hand on the billionaire's shoulder with deceptive gentleness. She pinched at a pressure point, making him nearly crumple to the floor. "You have a lot to do, Tony, starting with the dishes," she reminded him.

"I'm sure your brother is fine," Steve said quietly to Thor when the rest had gone. Thor nodded, and tried to smile.

 

~~~~~~

 

Loki did not reappear for many days after. To Thor, in his grief, it felt four times as long before Loki once again appeared in the darkness of his private room.

"Brother," Thor said immediately, sitting upright from his bed. He looked entirely distraught. "Are you well?"

"Why do you ask?" Loki's voice was quiet and concerned as he approached Thor's bed. With a great deal of effort, he delicately sat down alongside his brother.

"The man of iron suggested that you have nothing to dine on but the vermin," Thor responded. His eyes looked red and bleary, and Loki wondered if this idea had plagued him all this time.

"It is nonsense," Loki said.

"Then please tell me that you are well."

"I am," Loki stated. "Though that I would give to have a soft bed again is another matter. I am cared after well, though not lovingly," he explained, "and I am not necessarily given the finest meals, but they are the untouched remains of feasts. It is suffice." He smiled reassuringly.

Thor nodded, sad to finally hear evidence of Loki's poor status, but aware that as far as punishments went, it was kind. And yet it hardly seemed fair.

"I should leave you again," Loki said, pointedly glancing about the dark room. "One of us needs to sleep."

"I will not sleep with you away," Thor objected. "You were gone for three nights, Loki – what kept you? Have you yourself been awake all this time?"

Loki sighed, turning his head to Thor. "I dream of more than thee, brother. Who am I to decide when the nightly terrors should visit?"

"Then you should stay," Thor urged. "No harm can befall you here, nor troubles."

Loki bit his lips, sorely tempted by this offer. "I should not have come at all. You must rest."

"Then I will rest, but only with you by my side," Thor vowed. He shifted, lying down once again, but now making room on the mattress next to him. "Please."

Loki blinked and gazed at the floor. "You long for mayfly days, brother," he murmured, making Thor's chest clench in sadness. But he shifted as well and mimicked Thor, carefully lying down close to him. Though he maintained the illusion of resting on the bed, his head kept sinking through the pillow. Thor quickly remedied this small problem, taking the pillow away and placing it where Loki's chest should be, effectively filling the empty space. He wrapped his arm around this quite contentedly, finally able to at least pretend he could embrace his brother.

The effect was devastating to Loki. He lay still hours after Thor had dozed off, staring at the muscled arm that draped over him. He longed to feel that warmth of his brother, and the heavy weight of this protective embrace. It was all so simple to Thor. He truly thought that forgiveness could be had simply because one wished it. That he could ease the pains of time and betrayal. That there was ever a moment when he and Loki had simply loved each other as brothers.

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could not for the life of me find a Nordic word for rats, vermin, rodents, or anything else like that. So I made up my own creatures.
> 
>  **Meinsamr** – Nordic word that means "harmful", "bad", "diseased"  
>  **Grō̆s-hvatvetna** – Nordic words, supposed to roughly mean "devour-everything"


	4. Chapter 4

Loki did not recognize the meaning behind the brightness that gradually filled the room until the silence of morning was disturbed by a light knock. The door opened, Clint's head popping in, mouth open to speak. He paused at the sight of Loki and Thor's embrace, and just as quickly withdrew, quietly shutting the door once again.

Loki gazed at the broad arm over his chest for a long time, and at Thor's handsome face, so restful in slumber. Finally, he could not ignore the sunlight cutting through the room, nor the noises of the other Avengers stirring through the house. He was thankful that there was no substance to Thor's embrace, as even the slightest resistance would have held him still. There was nothing to stop him from standing up, or even give him an excuse.

"Thor, my darling brother," Loki murmured, leaning over to him. "I believe it is time for you to wake."

Thor obediently opened his eyes, and a radiant smile crossed his face, even brighter than the sun itself. Loki wished that Thor hadn't done such a thing – it sent pain shooting all across his heart.

"Good morning," Thor greeted, stretching an arm up to smooth through his sleep-rumpled golden mane. Thor was always gorgeous, unquestionably regal and Aesir, even in his most shaming moments.

Once more, Loki found himself acting as Thor's shadow. He followed his brother quietly throughout the house, ever a step behind him. It was strange, though, how often Thor turned and _smiled_ at him broadly, and leaned close to speak to him, and explained at length the things that brought him joy – like the breakfast food called Poptarts – and sought to hear Loki's opinion on all of these strange Midgardian things.

If only this could have been the way things ever were before. Why did he have to become nothing more than a ghost to finally get the modest attention that he craved? 

"What troubles thee, brother?" Thor asked, pausing during his training session in the gym with Steve. Loki hadn't realized until then that he'd been watching the sparring with a frown.

"I..." Loki hesitated, suddenly self-conscious and aware of Steve watching him, of being cause for interrupting their fight. "Your stance is off, brother," he replied smoothly, as if he had even been considering Thor's clumsy footing this whole time.

"My... my stance?" Thor repeated, surprised. "Loki, you are not a trained warrior."

"No, but I am not a clumsy oaf," Loki frowned, crinkling his nose in annoyance at his brother. He went to Thor, bidding him to change his footing. "Align your feet," he instructed, demonstrating, "and now your shoulders. Your center of gravity will be better now. Your opponent will find it nigh impossible to break your balance."

"I didn't know you studied such things," Thor said, still marveling at his younger brother.

"You are not the refined warrior you think yourself to be," Loki informed him, his sword-like tongue holding back nothing. "Your movements are clumsy and reckless. You merely possess the brute strength to be impressive despite your poor form. I always did regret the idea that you might finally learn a proper stance, for then I would never stand a chance against you."

"Then why teach me?" Thor asked, confused, but obedient as ever, moving as Loki bid him to with mere gestures, showing him more ways to hold himself with power.

"I suppose I will never fight against you again. That is why," Loki replied softly. He did not care to correct the hopeful grin that plastered itself across his brother's dopey face.

 

~~~~~~

 

"Guys," Clint interrupted, finding Bruce, Steve, Thor and Loki in the living room. "Laundry duty."

"What about it?" Bruce asked.

"Someone has to do it," Clint stated. "It's not gonna be me."

"I'm bad with whites," Bruce frowned.

"We'll rock-paper-scissors for it," Clint suggested, holding out his hand in a fist. "Loser has to do the laundry this week."

Thor blinked, and earnestly copied Clint's gesture, while the others, including his brother, stayed still. "What is this rock-paper-scissors?"

"You don't know how to play rock-paper-scissors yet?" Clint dropped his hand. "Steve? Bruce? Please tell me you do...."

"I don't think I've ever played," Steve admitted.

Clint stared at Bruce desperately.

"I know the game," Bruce said, finally standing up to join the other men.

"Thank God. Okay, I'll teach you," Clint said. "It's really simple. There are only three choices. Rock, paper, or scissors," he explained, making the hand gestures. "We say, 'rock, paper, scissors, shoot' and you pick one. Simple. Look," he said the phrase, tapping his clenched fist in his other palm and demonstrating the different moves, rapid-fire. "Simple, see? Got it? You'll get it."

"How does one win?" Thor asked.

"Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper," Bruce said. He didn't try to elaborate or get either Thor or Steve to remember this. "Just keep your hand out and I'll tell you if you win or not."

"Okay," Thor agreed, eager as ever.

"Okay," Clint repeated, "Me versus Cap, and Bruce versus Thor. Losers have to play each other."

They paired off as such, Loki watching idly, and each team threw their hand.

"Fuck," Clint muttered, in a draw with Steve.

"I WIN!" Thor bellowed, his fist clenched as rock.

"But I did paper," Bruce protested, blinking. "Paper wins against rock."

"You must be confused, friend," Thor said. "Paper is flimsy, and if the rock is sharpened-"

"The rock isn't sharp, Thor, that's why it loses," Clint interjected. He grabbed Bruce's hand and placed it over Thor's fist. "Paper covers rock. That's how it goes."

Thor furrowed his brow, and then thoughtfully flipped his hand so it was on top of Bruce's. "But rock holds down paper. This logic confuses me. I am the rightful winner of this match."

"No, Thor," Bruce said, moving his hand, "'Cause you see-"

"YOU CANNOT LIFT MJOLNIR!"

"Um... u-um," Bruce stuttered. "It's okay, I lose."

Steve glanced at Loki, who had both hands across his mouth, trying to contain laughter. "Loki?"

The trickster took a breath and folded his hands together decisively. "Thor. Suppose the rock is not Mjolnir. Suppose it is an ordinary Midgardian rock. The size of a pebble, even. The paper crumples around the rock and overcomes it with its element. You are subdued."

Thor frowned and finally dropped his hand. "I do not like this game."

"You'll get another shot," Steve said, patting Thor on the shoulder. "Bruce won, so he's safe. But Clint and I tied. One on one again, I'll play against you," he said to Thor.

"Okay," Thor agreed, pleased again.

"Loki," Clint said, challenging him to a round, not pausing long enough for the younger god to refuse.

Clint threw paper. Loki threw scissors, and merely smirked in victory.

Thor, laughably, threw rock again. Steve threw scissors, perhaps purposefully, because he smiled gracefully when he lost, and turned to challenge Clint.

"Are you guys seriously fighting over who has to do the laundry?" Natasha questioned, leaning against the wall.

"YES!" Clint hooted when he won against Steve. "Caw caw!"

"I don't mind doing laundry," Steve said placidly while Clint made bird noises.

"You guys are idiots," Natasha sighed, rolling her eyes, but an amused smile tugged at her lips.

"I got it!" Tony declared, marching into the room with purpose, holding one of his transparent touch-screen computers. "You!" he jabbed his finger at Loki, who stepped back, but Tony boldly approached him anyway.

"Listen, guys. You," Tony said to Loki, pointing again, "are made of energy. Impossible, minute energy. Less than a watch battery, but energy. You're a spiderweb. A beautiful, metaphorical spiderweb of energy. Or light. It's kind of unclear, and that _really_ bugs me. You're energy, _and_ you're light. And possibly electricity. Okay, I haven't figured it out yet, but you _exist_ , somehow. You are not a delusion. Which is great news for all of us, I think. Just touch this," he finally said, holding up the transparent screen. "Wait!" he pulled the computer away from Loki's hesitant hand. "Don't merely _touch_ the screen, okay, sort of _drag_ your finger across..." he demonstrated. "Okay, go. Touch it. Touch it now."

Loki glanced at the crazed man again, and then back to the bit of technology. He lifted his hand toward the screen, giving it a testing, delicate touch... and immediately pulled his hand back in shock. It was... well, it wasn't quite solid, but for the first time he felt resistance against his form. It was like pressing against a sheet of paper or fine cloth – the resistance was hardly there, and it surrendered to his push, but it was _there_. And the sensation itself was all sparks, like magic in his skin again.

He touched the screen once more, dragging his hand across as Tony had told him to, and quickly withdrawing his hand again. It was all static, and pin-prickling energy, and scintillation.

"Yes!" Tony was apparently pleased that Loki had managed to move one of the boxes on the screen. "You're brilliant," he said, flinging his hands up to either side of Loki, as if wanting to embrace him. Loki was grateful that he physically could not. "You're gorgeous. You're made of electricity. I can work with this. Mwuah!" he mimed kissing Loki on the mouth, somehow managing to make it equally as unappealing as if he had actually been able to touch Loki. He gave the team thumbs-up and ran back to his lab.

"...Should I be worried?" Loki questioned, glancing around at the others.

"With Tony, yes," Bruce nodded, to the agreement of the others.

 

x


	5. Chapter 5

Loki departed early in the evening, and did not return again until a full day had passed.

When he did return, he found himself standing in the kitchen, with only Natasha nearby, tending the stove.

They gazed at each other for a moment, and then Natasha tilted her head up slightly, eyes going to the ceiling and then back to Loki.

"Jarvis. Let Tony know that Loki is here."

"Yes, ma'am," the programming replied.

Loki swallowed and shifted on foot. "Is this to be it? You've figured me out and now I'm no longer welcome?"

Natasha frowned slightly. "Tony has something he wants to give you. And your brother is out responding to an emergency with Steve," she added, stirring the pan. "Bruce thinks you're skulking around because you want us to forgive you. If that were true, you could try showing a little remorse."

"I seek no one's forgiveness."

"So you don't even care about all the damage you caused," Natasha stated accusingly.

"I.... Of course, I _regret_ ," Loki said. "I wish that things might have turned out a thousand different ways. That events could be changed. That time could stop. I only did what I thought was right."

"Why can't you just say you're sorry?"

"Because events cannot be undone, no matter how one feels about them," Loki shook his head, confused. "There is no forgiveness to be had."

Natasha looked disturbed. "Do you really believe that?"

"I don't understand the purpose of asking for the forgiveness of someone. I meant to take your world. If I had succeeded, I would not apologize. What sincerity is there in pretending otherwise?"

"You hurt Thor, but he forgives you," Natasha said. "If it were up to him, you'd be here for real right now. He thinks you can change. He wants you to join the team when you get out. I've been trying to explain to him that we won't be alive in a thousand years."

Loki kept his mouth set in a grim line. "Thor is a fool to think that things can be so simple. I wish he would simply forget me."

"He loves you. He wants you to be his friend, not his enemy," Natasha said, stepping through Loki to get into the refrigerator. She pulled out a package of meat and went back to the stove. "To be honest, the rest of the team likes that idea. We'd rather fight with you than against you. You're the only one who seems to think you can't change. Why is that?"

She turned her head to study Loki while idly unwrapping the meat. Natasha meant to read what he was thinking, but he seemed entirely distracted, nauseated by something. 

"Loki? What's wrong?"

"What... what is that?"

Natasha followed his gaze to where her hands rested. "This? Oh," she laughed. "It's probably ten pounds of hamburger. The guys eat a ton."

Loki made a small, strange noise and doubled over, a hand going across his mouth.

"Loki? Are you going to be sick?" Natasha questioned, quickly moving to try to help, her hands hovering uselessly above his trembling frame. He retched. "Hey, hey. Easy. Breathe," she urged. "Just breathe, okay?"

Her voice vanished.

Loki woke, clutching for purchase on the greasy, stone floor of his cell and gagging. He immediately wished he had not woken, for the stench here was not merely imagined. Every part of this small hell was permeated with putrid odor that left him shivering on the floor, wracked with heaving chokes that made his mouth drool, but he could not vomit – there was nothing to vomit today. 

He did not have to lift his head or look to know the reason for the particularly fetid stench today. He could hear the soft tapping-scratching of talons as the _meinsamr_ scurried from the walls and helped themselves to his grisly dinner. They did not particularly care what it was or how old it was – and the idea that the stench of this 'feast' smelled like a banquet to them made his stomach twist again.

And they knew. They knew quite well what they ate, and they scented him and came sniffing at Loki for more, whiskers twitching. He had to snarl at them before they would scatter and return to the easier meal.

Loki forced himself to watch the _meinsamr_ as they fed, skreaking and wrestling each other over strips of meat. He could not sleep now – if he did they would take the advantage to steal fresher bites from his skin. Instead he focused on the pain that consumed him, that prevented him from even standing. When it was not enough to keep him from weariness, he bit the base of his thumb, and the tips of his fingers until he felt bone creak in protest, and small drops of blood leaked from the tortured flesh. Then he flicked the fat red drops away, and the _meinsamr_ came to the small bits of blood, lapping at them like wine. And Loki sucked on his fingers, his mouth watering for the small pleasure of the tangy flavor of his own damaged skin.

 

~~~~~

 

It took two days for the _meinsamr_ to leave. The only blessed thing about the foul creatures was that they devoured all that they could, nearly licking the floor clean. Loki did not find sleep long during that time, often waking within minutes to find them attacking his wounds.

One set its teeth upon him with such voracity that Loki had to wrench the beast away and kick the small, hot body until it was dead and the heel of his foot was bruised. He had to pick up the small carcass, then, and toss it through the bars, as far away from his own cell as he could manage so that the foul creatures would cannibalize their brother elsewhere.

Few lingered to lap at the traces of their own kin's blood, and then all finally left the cell through the bars and grates and small cracks in the walls. These cracks were not repaired – merely warded with strong magic that only the _meinsamr_ could cross, for these creatures were left to their own devices down here, allowed to roam and rule as they liked. Loki suspected that they had various meals elsewhere, perhaps even deceased prisoners left to rot in their cells, and he was grateful for this.

At long last, the _meinsamr_ had moved on, and he had a small bit of time. But it took so long to fall into a deep and restful sleep. There were several false attempts that ended when Loki jerked awake from phantom noises, phantom teeth upon him.

Finally he slept.

And he was back in that shining place made of glass and stone, where everything was brilliant and nothing hurt but everything ached.

"Brother!" Thor shouted at the sight of him, and Loki felt dizzy with relief and pleasure to see Thor's face again. The tall, broad warrior came close to Loki, absurdly gentle and concerned despite his great size and strength. "Lady Natasha said that you were taken ill last she saw you. I was distressed by your long absence."

"Yes," Loki replied easily. "I was ill. The healer saw to me and put me in a dreamless sleep. Now I am well again. And how do you fare, brother?"

 

x


	6. Chapter 6

"Loki," Tony greeted in a warm, sultry tone when he saw the brunette. "My beautiful, exquisite little bundle of ethereal energy. I'm so glad you're here because I have a surprise for you."

"Not another kiss," Loki said, grimacing.

"Only if you insist," Tony teased. "Come on, it's set up over here."

"Set up?" Loki repeated, hesitantly following Tony's path as the inventor eagerly jogged the short distance to the living room. 

"It is one of his devices," Thor said, walking with Loki. "I believe you would like it, brother."

"This is your own computer." Tony gestured to a thin screen that was held aloft by a flexible stand, placed in an innocuous spot in the room. "I redesigned the interface to make it a little more Loki-friendly."

"What does that mean?" Loki narrowed his eyes, wondering if he should take offense.

"Err. It means she's button-free," Tony stated. "Just a touch will wake her up." He demonstrated. "I made the capacitive screen more sensitive than previous models, and simplified the programming. And she's green. 'Cause I had this wild idea that green might be your favorite color."

Loki bit his lip while Thor laughed.

"So congrats, you're connected to the Internet," Tony said. "Well, go on, give it a try. I need to know if there are any tweaks I need to make."

Loki touched the screen, as if testing delicate waters. He traced an arcing path across the surface, shivering internally at the spark-like tingles that licked at his skin. He withdrew then, though his fingers twitched with want to touch. If he could be alone he would set himself to learning the language of this device, and unraveling all of its mysteries to the core, discovering every intimate secret it had to offer. 

"What is one to do with this 'Internet'?" Loki asked instead. He might have figured everything out fine on his own, but with his audience he erred on the side of caution, wanting Stark to indicate what sort of behavior he expected.

"What can you-- What _can't_ you do is the real question," Tony seemed flustered. "You can stream music, social media, shop, order a pizza, read news, watch video, games, I don't know, _porn_..."

"What is porn?" Thor questioned.

Tony blanched. "Moving on!" he said quickly before someone answered and Thor smote him. "Here, look," his hands flew gracefully across the screen, subtly activating a parental lock. "This is your browser. Start with Google – type in whatever you want and browse the search results." He tapped in 'Iron Man', paused to gloat over a few swaggy press photos of himself in the suit, and then clicked on another link which started blasting Black Sabbath throughout the house. Tony grinned, throwing his arms up in triumph and nodding his head to the music. "Have fun," Tony said, turning and leaving for other projects.

"Are you sure that was a wise idea?" Bruce asked later in the lab, far from Thor's ears. "You know the kind of stuff that's available on the internet?"

"Yeah," Tony shrugged uncomfortably, testing the result of a metal component that his robots had recently created for one of his new toys. "I thought it was funny at first, but then I had a mental image of Thor beating me to death with his hammer. I wussed out and turned on the mommy patrol software."

Bruce paused in his calculations, slack-jawed. "I... I wasn't referring to all the porn. Though that's a good point. I was talking about some of the stuff that's questionable without involving nudity. There are detailed instructions on how to build some dangerous stuff if you know where to look. And he can contact anyone now – do mercenaries have websites?"

"Hm," Tony pursed his lips and pulled up one of his holographic screens. "He isn't, though. He's discovered Wikipedia."

"How do you know that?" Bruce asked, squinting at Tony's screen with suspicion.

"Obviously because I have spyware installed," Tony said. "If homeboy starts Googling 'how to kill someone without touching them' we'll know. I got this covered."

 

~~~~

 

When Tony resurfaced for dinner, he was met at the table with Thor's stony frown.

"It was a bad thing you did, man of iron," Thor said.

"What?" Tony tried to think of all the not-so-good things he had done lately that might have offended Thor.

"To give my brother such a gift," Thor said, tilting his head in the direction of the living room. Tony could just catch a glimpse of Loki sitting cross-legged on the floor, the screen apparently lowered for him by someone. "I did not know it was a mystic book."

"Um." Tony paused, and decided to pretend to help with setting the table. "It _can_ be a book. What is he reading?"

"Everything," Thor answered, completely at a loss. "Clint says the Internet is an endless wealth of knowledge, and Loki's curiosity is insatiable. He shall never cease to be fascinated."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Tony questioned. He was greatly relieved when the rest of the team started to seat themselves, and the hot plates of food were placed on the table. Thor said nothing, but judging by his expression and his lackluster appetite (for once he only had a modest amount of food) he was not pleased to have Loki's attention placed elsewhere.

 

~~~~

 

But Thor needn't have worried.

When the late evening closed in, and other Avengers had either slipped off to their own rooms, or left for nightly patrol, Thor announced his intent to retire for the night. Loki crept away from the device then, and followed his brother, much to Thor's delight.

It was not strange to have Loki follow him to the bathroom, or have his brother's eyes on him while he undressed for bathing.

"What do you think of Starkson's gift?" Thor questioned, stepping into a stream of hot water.

"It intrigues me," Loki answered, "but it is flawed. I thought it to be a glass for scrying, but it does not understand all I ask of it, and it only holds the knowledge of Midgard from the opinions of Midgardian men."

"Their ways are most wondrous to me," Thor admitted as he began to scrub himself.

"Simple things do not amuse me," Loki stated mildly, and said no more on the subject, merely watching Thor's form while he washed under the torrent of water.

Loki stepped into the bath, wishing that he could feel the rain of water on him, and the warmth of the steam. They both wished that Loki's hands could be real when he ran ghostly caresses over the glistening planes of Thor's skin.

"Come, brother," Thor said when he tired of the water, his voice strangely soft. He stepped from the shower, and toweled himself dry as quickly as possible, and went to his room without care for his nudity.

Thor sank into bed, owning it completely with a lazy sprawl, and made room for Loki so that his brother could lie down beside him in the soft darkness. And he used his pillows once more to give Loki enough form to place his arm around him, but this time Loki turned facing him, as if trying to tuck himself away against Thor's side.

"I long to hold you again," Thor murmured, his voice carefully quiet for once, but every word still filled Loki with crashing and thunder.

"You have never held me," Loki responded.

"I have," Thor frowned. "I have embraced thee, and trapped thee within my arms in jest, and I have carried thee away from danger, and for sport."

"But you have never held me before as you do now," Loki whispered.

"No," Thor agreed, mournfully. "This is new."

"Then you are confused," Loki said, letting out a small breath that contained all of his hope and heart. "You should not embrace me this way."

Thor's face clouded with parts sorrow, confusion, anger, and obstinacy. "Do not pretend to know what is in my heart. Since you fell into the terrible abyss, I have yearned to capture you again in my arms and never relinquish you."

"This dream will never be realized, Thor," Loki said quietly, a trace of regret evident in his voice. "Even now you do not embrace me."

"I do," Thor countered stubbornly, "because you will it to be so. If you did not, you could pull away without the barest of resistance. But you stay within my arms," his voice was so quiet but firm, starting up a hopeful stirring that set Loki's chest into knots. Loki merely closed his eyes and Thor knew that he had surrendered, that he could deny no longer.

"I will hold thee again," Thor promised, his whispered words full of determination. "I will recover you one day, flesh and blood, and have you in my arms. I will know every part of you, and caress you so sweetly that your heart would burst from pleasure, and your body would weep for the lack of me. Would that please you, Loki?"

Loki said nothing, but gave a trembling sigh that had Thor urgently propping himself up on his side to watch the battle of emotions across Loki's face.

"I could deny you nothing, my sweet. Would it bring you true pleasure to be under my hands?"

For once, Loki physically could not speak. He nodded his assent with sharp nods, and felt himself slip further into damnation.

"Then I would touch you thoroughly, and never know my fill of you," Thor said, his voice a rumbling growl. "I would learn you intimately until you would crave me as much as I crave you, so that no other could bring you the barest of joy. I would ruin you for the rest of eternity if you ever left my side."

Loki opened his eyes then and rose on his hands just enough to lean forward and kiss Thor. It was merely symbolic, however – his mouth ached for want of contact, and he tried to capture Thor's breath as his own. Finally he eased away and pinched his own lip to ease his wanting, for the only contact he could feel in this realm was his own.

Thor's blue eyes were dark and stormy, reflecting the sudden change of weather outside the building. He reached out to mimic Loki's fingers, so that the dark trickster might be able to pretend it was Thor's hands that were on his mouth.

"Even the simplest gestures," Thor murmured, tracing his fingers over Loki's intangible hand. "I would give everything to you, my dearest, however great or small. You would be wanting for nothing, yet you would crave me more and more each day."

They both rested to Thor's murmurs of endearment and urgent love. The words continued for hours until Thor finally fell asleep with Loki so closely by his side, and heated promises on his lips.

Loki was left shivering with aching want, and prayed with everything that was left of him that he would never wake from this dream.

 

x


	7. Chapter 7

Morning light came too soon, casting bright lines across Thor's sleeping face. As glorious as the rays looked, Loki silently cursed them with every passing moment, for he was sure that the light would wake Thor and it grew brighter each passing moment. Loki had remained in this realm for hours on end, the longest stretch of a visit yet, and he never wanted to leave.

Time moved too quickly in Loki's opinion, measured only by how the light crept across the bed. But still Thor rested, his sheets all strewn and body twisted haphazardly, sprawled like a great lion in the sun. Clint did not come to wake him today, perhaps already well aware that Thor was not alone.

It was Tony Stark who finally disturbed their silent bliss. He opened the door, grinned at the sight of them, and launched himself at the bed.

"Threesome!" Tony shouted, waking Thor with a startle, and flopped onto the mattress, grinning at Loki's angry expression.

"Starkson!" Thor scolded. "You are lying in my dear Loki! Remove yourself!"

Tony chuckled but got out of the bed, and Loki wondered whether it was audacity or stupidity that caused him to laugh in the face of certain destruction.

"We have to get suited up," Tony said, doing his bad impression of a serious person. "There's a situation down the coast. Agent Coulson is meeting us in five minutes."

Thor sat up and looked helplessly to Loki, clearly unwilling to pry himself away. 

"I'll be fine," Loki said. "Care only for yourself and return to me."

"I shall," Thor promised, but he spent more time making sure that Loki would be in comfort during his leave than he did dressing himself.

The team left, and Loki remained behind. He waited for Thor's return, spending his idle time on the computer that Stark had given him, and taking the chance to explore the different floors and rooms of the tower. There was no pleasure in such things, however, for all of these spaces were hollow without Thor, and the silence was oppressing.

He felt forlorn until finally the team returned, late in the evening. Loki grew worried when Natasha helped Clint inside, his ankle sprained, but Thor entered with a glorious smile, unharmed aside from the grime of battle that covered his face and armor.

"I'm hungry," Clint complained, in sour spirits from his injury.

"I too am famished," Thor declared.

"I'll cook something," Steve offered, though he was as weary as the others.

"Don't sweat it," Tony interrupted. His robots were still struggling to unlock him from his armor, which looked half crushed and half cooked. "We'll order out tonight."

 

~~~~

 

For days, this easy routine continued, stretching into weeks. Loki rarely left at all, and when his brother was called out on missions, he waited behind until Thor returned. If there was a battle fierce enough to actually wound his brother or draw blood, Loki sat near him while he was tended to and long after, admonishing Thor for being so reckless. Thor would only smile in return, or try to look chastened, clever enough to recognize that Loki's harsh words merely showed how much Loki cared for him.

At night, Thor continued to whisper sweet words and promises. Other times they simply lay together, and Thor would rest his hand on Loki's as if to show that they were entwined.

Loki felt his soul would crack apart from the strain of his love. In his own small way he desperately hated Thor for bringing pain into his heart. For making him feel again. For making him want all of Thor's foolish promises to be true.

In the morning, Loki felt the sickness of dread and knew that he would have to leave for a while again. He waited until breakfast, staving off a grimace as he told Thor that he had to go.

"Hurry back," Thor urged, for he knew that Loki could not wither away in slumber on the other side, but at the same time he did not want Loki to spend much time in those dark dungeons.

"I cannot hurry," Loki said, regretfully. Last time he went had been unexpected and he had to spend a long time soothing Thor's worry. This time he gave an explanation. "Mother intends to seek my counsel in the forging of a spell. I do not know how long it will take to complete such a task."

"In that case, give mother my regards," Thor said.

Loki tried to bite his lip to stop from smiling in amusement. It failed. "You know I cannot do that," he reminded gently, though he wanted to agree just to humor Thor, since it was a lie in the first place that he would see their mother.

"Oh," Thor looked crestfallen. "Then hurry back."

Loki laughed lightly and then focused on drawing himself back to waking. He concentrated on the pain of his physical body until he woke in his cell, where every fiber of his body seemed contorted in agony.

He was awake before the guards came to fetch him – his victory. They dragged him off to carry out the punishment. He couldn't help but thrash against them, though in his state, fighting back was little more than a nuisance to his tormentors. It took a long while for them to catch his limbs and bind him down so he could not move. Then they started, as always, drawing out terrible anguish that made every nerve ending white with blinding pain until his throat was strained from screaming.

His head felt rushed, his vision like liquid, and at every part of his mind the dizzying darkness pushed, but when they were finished he was still quite conscious. Loki couldn't move if he wanted to, but thankfully no one cared. They merely replaced him in his cell and called the healer for basic repairs.

The old woman always gave him such a rueful expression. Loki didn't care for it. They both knew that he was allowed nothing for the pain, only a remedy to stop any severe bleeding and to encourage his body to repair itself. She administered this medicine quietly, rubbing the salve into the wounds with her fingers. She was used to his pain by now – her mercy was in the fact that she worked quickly, no longer stopping even if he cried. She coated the wounds, helped him dress, and then scattered an herb on the floor that would keep the _meinsamr_ away.

"Sleep now, child," she murmured, making sure that Loki could lie down as comfortably as possible. He did not mind that she stroked his hair with affection – it was like cool, soothing water over everything that hurt. When he was a child, this was the woman who would ease his scraped knees, and who once bound a broken arm for him. She was as near to a grandmother as anything.

"Dreams are windows to other worlds," the healer told him, petting Loki's face with tender affection, and then touching his hand. "Rest now. Go back to your dream world."

And he did.

Loki returned to the mansion. The pain was greatly reduced here, like a mild headache. He could ignore it for now. But he felt drained. The first thing he noticed was that it was early evening, and he longed to retire to bed, to hear Thor's sweet words for a while.

The second thing he noticed was that the mansion was empty. 

"Loki?"

And third, that someone – Natasha – was calling for him.

"Yes?" Loki answered to nothing, because he could not see her. His voice was weaker than he intended, but she must have heard because she was immediately in the room with him.

"I've been looking for half an hour," Natasha said.

"I'm sorry?"

She shook her head, dismissing it. "Look, there's this machine in Midtown. We can't figure out how to beat it. We can hardly get close enough to even touch it. Tony said to find you and bring you back."

"But I-"

"This thing tossed Thor like a ragdoll," Natasha said, cutting straight to what she knew would motivate Loki to shut up and listen to her. "I don't understand why Tony wants you either, but Hulk wasn't doing so great when I left and Tony wouldn't stop screaming at me to get you. So you're _coming_."

 

x


	8. Chapter 8

Outside was a war zone. They walked past damaged buildings and fleeing citizens as they approached the epicenter of destruction. Each step was dizzying - this was the first time Loki had set foot outside the tower, and to see the city again both made everything painfully real, and dreamlike all at once.

"Loki," Natasha said, pausing in her tracks because he was trailing behind her. "We need to hurry."

"I don't think I can," Loki said, unaware of how he panted or how his arms were so tightly folded over his stomach. All he could feel was the endless, gnawing pain, and he couldn't tear his eyes off the skyscrapers, watching part of a larger fight involving the Avengers, and he could hear the gunfire, the rumble of physical devastation, the metallic skreaking of some massive, unnatural creature, and the _meinsamr_... the _meinsamr_...

"Loki, breathe," Natasha urged. He hadn't realized he had crumpled to his knees until he saw her kneel down to help him. "Listen to me. Just breathe."

"I can feel it," Loki whimpered, clutching his stomach.

"Feel what?"

"My body. It's too much... It hurts... I can't.... I'll wake up."

Natasha clenched her jaw. "You gotta stay here. Just for a few minutes, okay? Then you can go."

"I don't want to go," Loki sobbed between pained gasps.

"How can I help?" Natasha asked instantly. "Loki, what can I do to help you?"

"I don't know. I don't know."

"Breathe, okay? Deep breaths through your nose. Slower," Natasha urged.

Loki obeyed her directions as well as he could, but the pain set in again. "Thor. Thor talks. Keep talking."

"You're breathing too fast," Natasha said. "In through your nose, like I said. Try to keep it slow, it'll get easier. You need to relax so you can stay here. You like it here, don't you?"

Loki nodded desperately.

"I don't see why. The company's pretty shitty. The guys are all idiots," Natasha said, making Loki gasp with laughter, surprised by her statement. "Well it's true," she smiled. "Okay, it's not true. Tony and Bruce are geniuses. Clint is sweet. Steve and Thor are sweet, too. They come off as clueless, don't they?"

"Yes," Loki agreed. "Even on Asgard, Thor was never known for his wit."

Natasha laughed softly. "Just so you know, Thor is okay," she said. "In case you're worried about him. Which I'm sure you're positively not. He might be a little dented up, but he was still functional last time I saw him. I mean, aside from his wit."

Loki definitely did not giggle. That would have been quite undignified. He did, however, straighten himself up.

"You okay now?"

"Keep talking," Loki said. "It helps me focus."

"Right, well I suck at smalltalk," Natasha said, walking carefully to keep just ahead of Loki's slow but determined pace. "The enemy is a single mechanized entity. We don't know where it came from or who built it, but it's sophisticated. The weapons are too much – we can barely even get close enough to it to attack. It fried Tony's armor somehow. Even the Hulk can hardly touch it. S.H.I.E.L.D. is close to bombing the site."

"Complete chaos," Loki said, stepping into the heart of the turmoil.

"Kind of like what you wanted?" Natasha asked. She had to tread carefully, to hide from suppression fire, but Loki was free to walk in the open without care.

"No. I never wanted this," Loki said. "The Chitauri convinced me that their dream was my own. That I should destroy what Thor loved the most. But I only wanted to rule."

"Oh, well that's so much better," Natasha rolled her eyes.

"It seemed reasonable at the time. Everyone would know their place. To remove uncertainty would be a blessing for most. "

"Only in theory."

"On that, we can agree." Loki stepped into the next clearing, and frowned at the hail of gunfire and shrapnel ahead. "Be careful."

"I can handle it," Natasha answered. "Tony should be holed up with Steve in the subway entrance."

Loki shook his head. "Stay here. There isn't enough cover for you to make it."

Natasha looked like she wanted to argue, but she sighed and leaned against the building she was hiding behind, gun in hand. "If I didn't know better I'd almost say you cared."

"Of course I care. I don't want Thor to be upset over the loss of one of his Midgardian pets."

"Jerk."

"It would be a terrible burden to find a box large enough to bury you in."

"We'll all be buried if Tony's wrong. Go see what he wants," Natasha said. 

The snow-like fall of soot around them, and the shuddering of the ground made Loki more inclined to simply do as she said. It was difficult not to flinch away from the sound of bullets as he crossed the open distance, but here everything was harmless to him.

The subway entrance was barricaded by a few cars that were barely recognizable. He passed through them with more ease than air and descended into the dark space. He did not have to go far before he found Stark.

"It's about time!" Tony shouted. His mask was gone, but the rest of the armor remained, smashed and dirtied. He lay on the steps oddly, and Loki was certain that he was unable to move. Steve was crouched around Tony, his shield braced to protect them both from any shrapnel or stray fire.

"Go in and shut the fucker down," Tony said.

Loki was at a loss. "I may be able to get close to it, but I can touch nothing," Loki reminded.

"Bullshit," Tony retorted, stifling a cough. "You can interact with electricity. This thing is a computer."

"And what am I to do with that fact?"

"I don't know exactly," Tony raised his voice again. "Try anything. See if you can suck the life out of it or something. Just do something before it kills us all."

Tony's terse words settled the wrong way with Loki. Not because the mortal was angry, but because that anger was born from fear. It seemed that the humans were truly afraid that this unworthy foe would be the end for them. _That_ was unacceptable.

Loki made a direct path for the machine. It was a monolith made of grey metal. Sharp, severe lines cut a menacing silhouette against the sky. It seemed to have an endless supply of ammunition, spitting bullets at anything that moved, and more sinister devices that exploded and sprayed shrapnel. None of these made a difference to stop Loki's approach.

"Brother!" Thor shouted, from a distance away. He stood beside the Hulk, his face streaked in blood.

Loki did not respond, advancing into the maelstrom where even Thor could not follow.

He could feel the energy of this thing now, hear the internal clicking and whirring of gears and metal apparatuses. There seemed to be a head to the monstrosity, and flame-red eyes that scanned for any and all danger. It tried and failed to recognize Loki, even as he stood in front of it.

Loki extended a hand... and touched. His fingers sank inside the beast, until he was emerged to his wrist. Inside was like wildfire, like a powerful spell in his hand. He splayed his fingers and closed his eyes, enjoying the tingling energy that send frissons of joy down his spine.

For a moment, Loki allowed the sparks to play, and smiled faintly at the joy of feeling something thrilling for once, something that was simple, something that didn't hurt him.

It was so much like magic, and for Loki, controlling magic was almost as second-nature as breathing. He clenched his hand, and willed the energy to stop.

It did.

Every synapse of artificial life was extinguished. The red eyes blew out like twin candles in a gale. The metal body slowly collapsed, creating thunderous noise, underscored by the groan of metal.

With the great machine gone, there was no more reason for Loki to remain in the field of destruction.

He let himself wake up.

 

x


	9. Chapter 9

The Avengers returned in tatters. Thor carried Tony across his shoulder. Clint and Steve attempted to carry as many pieces of Tony's heavy armor as they could – not for Thor's sake, but to relieve Tony of the weight.

"Complete system failure really sucks," Tony said. "Just dump the scraps somewhere, guys. She's done for. Small memorial service on Sunday. Leave whiskey in lieu of flowers."

Thor set Tony on the couch as gently as possible, and knelt to wrench more of the metal from his friend's body. Steve and Clint left again while Thor focused on freeing Stark. Minutes later, Thor was surprised to glance up from his work and find familiar green eyes watching him.

"Loki, I thought you had gone," Thor said, pausing from his task only a moment, and then focusing again on trying to remove Tony's boots without removing his entire leg.

"I did," Loki answered mildly, draping himself across the back of the couch while he watched. He was good this now, pretending to interact with surfaces. Sometimes Thor forgot he wasn't real until he reached out to touch him. "The outside world was too distressing. I awakened, and tended to a few tasks, and still returned in time to wait over an hour."

"That's because when giant, deadly things go on a rampage, they cause a hell of a lot of damage," Tony answered through gritted teeth. "Steve and Clint will be out all night helping the emergency teams, no doubt. And who knows when Natasha will be able to calm Hulk down. But that was a hell of a lucky break, Loki. To be honest, I didn't think it would work. And I was shitting bricks when Fury wanted to talk to me about how the hell we pulled it off. Turns out _nobody_ saw you. No footage, no witnesses. I had to tell Fury some bullshit about a computer virus. That wasn't easy. Fury can smell bullshit a mile away. But he didn't have any better explanation."

"His olfactory senses are truly impressive," Thor praised. Another piece of armor unlatched in his hands, and he grinned with triumph. It took him several long minutes before Tony's suit was dismantled enough that he was finally dismissed.

"I got it now," Tony said, wincing as he moved. It felt and looked as if every part of him was bruised. "Thanks. You should go help the others."

Thor nodded, rising to his feet. "I know not when I will return, brother, but if you will wait...?"

"Don't trouble yourself over it," Loki answered. "Focus on your most important tasks. I'll be here."

 

~~~

 

In the following days, Loki received more thanks and kind words from the Avengers than he felt he had in his entire life. They repeated tales of the event to each other, and the perilous dangers of other battles, each story more grandiose than the last. They boasted of their injuries, and could not help but notice that Clint's ankle was still wrapped.

"Exactly how did you hurt your leg?" Steve asked.

"I was tying my shoe," Clint mumbled.

But while most of the team had good spirits, Tony was exceptionally quiet and withdrew to his labs. Natasha finally noted this behavior, calling it odd. Loki had to agree, but he knew the reason why Tony was suddenly reclusive. It was hard for a man to keep secrets when his heart was exposed to the world.

Loki went to find him as soon as Thor was snoring soundly. It felt like trespassing to walk through the rooms at this hour. Loki had always refrained from overstepping any boundaries while he stayed here, but he needed to speak to Stark.

Loki entered the lab where Tony was working, and was about to speak when the man looked up.

"Holy fuck!" Tony clasped a hand over his chest. "Give a guy some warning. I'm gonna have to invent some kind of collar with a bell for you."

"I didn't mean to frighten you," Loki said.

"You didn't," Tony lied, and began to move around his work station again, touching screens. "I was just _startled_."

Loki chose not to comment, feigning interest in Tony's robotics instead. The other man allowed this, but still avoided Loki while he constructed his new toys. It was unexpected to them both that an hour crept away like this.

"You should be proud," Loki said, breaking tense silence at long last.

"Proud of what exactly? Of the team? My good looks?"

"You have the ability to create," Loki explained. "You can change an idea into reality. You can craft a being and give it life. It's a wonderful skill. One that I've tried to replicate since I started learning magic."

"Oh. Yeah? You any good?"

"No," Loki crinkled his nose. "It's impossible to create something from nothing. I can only weave illusions. Poor ones, at that."

"Right, I've heard about that," Tony said. "Thor told us stories."

"I'm sure he did," Loki snickered, remembering all the ways he had tricked Thor with his illusions. His brother never stopped falling for them, even after all these years.

"Well thanks for dropping by, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave soon," Tony said. "These prototypes need to be tested, and I need to focus, is all."

"Then I should say what I came to say," Loki decided. Tony gave him a confused look. "It would be useless to tell you not to fear me," Loki began. "Having your guard on around me is only wise."

"I ain't afraid of no ghost," Tony snorted in reply.

"You are," Loki countered, calm and studying Tony's reactions with pensive eyes. "You stay far away from my reach when you are near me. You no longer jest in my presence, and avoid speaking to me when possible."

"I've just been busy," Tony said. "I never knew you missed me giving you shit," he teased.

"I know why it is that you fear me," Loki continued. "You saw the way I slew the mechanical beast with merely a touch. You worry that I would reach into you, into your mechanical heart, and stop it. I cannot tell you that this is an irrational fear. All you know me for is destruction. But I assure you, Tony Stark, I will not."

"I'll take your word for it, then," Tony said, clearly sarcastic, and Loki smiled.

"You won't. And you shouldn't. But I promise I will not touch you, or any of your electric children. I'm not sure why. Perhaps because you are so dear to my brother."

"Admit it," Tony said in a suddenly husky tone. "You've fallen madly in love with me. Don't laugh! It happens to everyone. I understand. But we can never be together," he added dramatically.

Loki managed to stop chuckling and dry his eyes. "Yes. The sordid love affair between a half-ghost and a man of metal."

"You got it, baby," Tony smirked, and began soldering something together.

"I regret to inform you, man of metal, but you are not my type."

Tony sighed, as if wounded by the rejection, and then smirked again. "Yeah. I know your type. Shouldn't you be snuggled up in his arms?"

Loki hesitated, but knew that all the denial in the world couldn't help him.

"Good luck with your tests, Stark."

 

~~~~~

 

The talk with Tony seemed to smooth things over. Tony no longer avoided Loki, but he still seemed to keep some distance between them.

"How did your experiments go?" Loki asked politely.

Tony pointed to his bandaged head in response, earning a sympathetic grimace from Loki. Tony took a long draught from his glass and wiped his mouth. "You should do your own experiments."

"I don't know the first thing about your devices."

"I meant your _own_ experiments," Tony repeated with emphasis. "We don't know a lot about what you can do. And you _can_ do some things. We know you can interact with the right types of electronics, and you can pretend to interact with solid surfaces, or pass right through them. See what else you can do. Test your limits."

"Aren't you afraid of what I might find out?"

Tony paused, his lips on his glass. "There comes a point when you gain a certain level of trust."

"I have earned a level of trust?" Loki repeated, doubtful.

"Well, it's a low level," Tony said. "But if you didn't, you think I'd let you hang around when no one's here?"

"I assumed this was merely because you had no way to force me to leave," Loki said.

"Well, okay, there was that. Also the way Thor treats you like a big teddy bear."

"He's always been sentimental."

"Uh-huh," Tony said. "And it's not like you adore that or anything. Not at all."

"No, not at all," Loki agreed, but it was a poor deflection. Tony smiled at him and went back to his lab.

 

~~~

 

Dinner was a novel experience for Loki that night. There was an extra seat placed at the long table, carefully arranged so that Loki could sit and pretend to join in.

"American specialty," Steve announced. "Hamburgers and French fries."

"Yes, because French fries are terribly American," Natasha joked.

"Well, hey," Steve shrugged as he set the platters of food down. "This country's a melting pot."

"Right," Tony agreed. "We take whatever's good and pretend we invented it."

"I always knew that's how you did it, Tony," Bruce laughed.

"Hey, have I had you guys sign non-disclosure agreement forms yet?" Tony asked, which made everyone who wasn't Aesir laugh for some reason.

Thor's burger was dripping with excess ketchup and mustard when he lifted it to take a bite. Loki watched his brother chew, his eyes wide and lips pinched in disgust. Thor was such a sloppy eater – he forgot to keep his mouth shut at times, and the ketchup/mustard mixture dripped back onto his plate. Loki regretted being seated next to him.

Thor caught Loki's stare and had the decency to look ashamed. He politely swallowed and set the remains of his burger down, and wiped his hands with a napkin.

"Do you eat well, brother?" Thor asked very quietly.

"Of course I do," Loki answered, prompt and mild in tone.

"I don't mean to pry," Thor frowned, staring at his plate. "It's just that you rarely seem to leave. I don't know when you find the time."

"When I leave, I eat," Loki said. "There isn't much else to do. If I had as much as a book in my cell, I wouldn't dull myself by visiting you."

Thor pouted for a moment, and then his eyes seemed to gleam. "If that were true, you would never leave that computer of yours."

"Oh dear," Loki rolled his eyes, "you've caught me in a lie."

"How is it?" Natasha's voice interrupted their quiet conversation, and Loki realized that the rest of the team had stopped talking amongst themselves. Eyes were suddenly on him.

Loki felt foolish. "How is what?"

"The computer," Natasha said. "I heard Thor mention it. You seem to like it."

Loki nodded. "It's nice," he answered, feeling feeble for such a clumsy answer.

"I don't even understand it," Steve said. "What do you do with the Internet?"

Tony laughed and buried his face in his hands for some reason. The other mortals merely looked uncomfortable but said nothing. "We'll talk later, Steve," Tony managed to say between giggles.

"That's a fair question," Clint chimed in. "Loki, you're from Asgard, you've never heard of a computer before... what do you look at when you're on it? Just curious."

Clint's eyes watched him like a challenge. The others turned on him with actual curiosity. Loki felt more ill at ease with each passing second.

"I read," Loki said, looking down. Another feeble response. Why did he suddenly feel like he was on Asgard again?

Thor snorted beside him and grinned. "I could have answered just as easily. Loki's nose has never been far from a book."

"Yes, but _what_ do you read?" Natasha pried.

"Anything. Everything. There are sites full of information. Full of... you call them 'links'. Lots of trivial facts," Loki murmured. "And poetry."

"Potery? What's your favorite poem?" Bruce asked. He genuinely seemed interested to know. So did the others. Were they... actually talking to him?

Loki licked his lips nervously and found a phrase in his mind. "I want to sleep the dream of the apples," he recited, intentionally cryptic.

There was a silent pause, and then Thor burst into hearty laughter. Loki smiled, although the response was hardly appropriate, but he appreciated Thor breaking the seriousness that had clouded Loki's head.

"Brother, what a strange poem," Thor said. "Apples do not dream."

"No," Loki agreed, suppressing a laugh. "Perhaps that is the point."

"How silly," Thor frowned, completely perplexed by this.

"I want to sleep awhile," Bruce recited from across the table. The words were unexpected and cut Loki to the bone. "A while... a minute... a century." He stopped there, to Loki's great relief. The others seemed to ponder this, but didn't think much of it and went back to eating.

"Yes, that's the one," Loki said softly to keep his voice from trembling. He feigned nonchalance. "Is it popular?"

"No," Bruce said after glancing at his clueless teammates. "It just used to vibe with me."

Loki made a small noncommittal noise and was thankful when Clint and Steve redirected the group conversation to training and other things. Through the rest of the meal, however, he could feel Bruce's eyes on him. The sympathy angered him more than anything.

After dinner concluded, Bruce seemed to have plans to speak to him. Loki tried to stay close to Thor's side, but Bruce simply asked for a moment alone and his plan was undone – Thor was all too indulgent to let Bruce have a word with Loki.

"I know there isn't much I can do to help," Bruce began, "but if you ever want to talk, I'm here."

Loki first averted his eyes, and then forced himself to look directly at Bruce, making his green eyes hard and emotionless. "There is nothing to be remedied by talk."

"Maybe you think that now," Bruce frowned, "but when you do need to talk, I can listen. No matter what it is, no matter when it is. Trying to keep it all inside never ends well, trust me."

"You offer me solace from my punishment... Punishment well-deserved for all the harm I've caused," Loki said, bitterly amused by Bruce's sympathy.

"Yes," Bruce answered resolutely, which surprised the trickster. "Doesn't everyone deserve a second chance?"

"Not everyone," Loki answered regretfully.

 

~~

 

Gacela of the Dark Death by Federico Garcia Lorca

I want to sleep the dream of the apples,  
to withdraw from the tumult of cemeteries.  
I want to sleep the dream of that child  
who wanted to cut his heart on the high seas.

I don't want to hear again that the dead do not lose their blood,  
that the putrid mouth goes on asking for water.  
I don't want to learn of the tortures of the grass,  
nor of the moon with a serpent's mouth  
that labors before dawn.

I want to sleep awhile,  
awhile, a minute, a century;  
but all must know that I have not died;  
that there is a stable of gold in my lips;  
that I am the small friend of the West wind;  
that I am the intense shadows of my tears.

Cover me at dawn with a veil,  
because dawn will throw fistfuls of ants at me,  
and wet with hard water my shoes  
so that the pincers of the scorpion slide.

For I want to sleep the dream of the apples,  
to learn a lament that will cleanse me to earth;  
for I want to live with that dark child  
who wanted to cut his heart on the high seas.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki learns a few tricks. Here there be smut.

For the next two days, Loki did as Tony had suggested, and began testing the boundaries of his form and abilities. He tried to see whether he could levitate, whether he could make himself invisible to the team, and whether he could shift his appearance. The answer to all of these things was no.

Loki was starting to feel very caged now that he knew for certain the extent of his freedom -- that he could not perform magic or even illusions of magic despite being in this form. He fell back to what he already knew he could do... and accidentally killed the microwave.

"I'm sorry, Stark," Loki said. The noise of the machine exploding had drawn all of the Avengers into the kitchen to see what was going on. Most arrived in time to watch it spit a few sparks and emit smoke. Tony's robots seemed to be overenthusiastic with the fire extinguisher.

"It's just a microwave," Tony said. 

The words brought minimal relief to Loki. "Still. I promised I would not touch your electric children."

This statement seemed to amuse the others, who looked at Tony for his reaction.

"It's fine, really. I told you to see what you can do. Apparently you can blow shit up. My gentle suggestion would be to see what _else_ you can do." And with that, Tony pointedly took a step further away from Loki. "Non-destructive stuff, maybe."

Loki did continue, meditating on such things for a long while. Electricity was like magic, he reasoned. Emphasis on 'like'. He had learned magic well enough. It was held in darkness and whispers. But electricity was Thor's element. It was light and power. It was sharp and erratic and much easier to lose control of.

Loki broke his promise again when he had a moment alone; he touched Tony's beloved flatscreen. His fingers sank in, and he willed himself to be unobtrusive, to adjust to the lingering current within. For a long time he meditated this way, until he could trace the paths that the electricity took, until he understood the system as a whole. He knew there was a signal that turned the device on. For him, it was a simple thought, and the screen came to life.

The more difficult task would be to turn it off again, Loki realized. With the device alive, he once again had the sensation of touching wildfire. It all flickered through his hands so quickly, dancing ribbons of light and life. The last time he had willed them to stop, the machine had been destroyed. 

He had to focus long and gentle his thoughts. Not to sap out the energy, he realized, but to pause it. To put it back to sleep. He'd watched the Midgardians turn the screen on and off countless times with just the push of a button. It was that simple. There was nothing complicated to it, just a gentle switch.

Once Loki convinced himself of this, the device turned off without breaking. And he could repeat this without overloading or breaking the device. Soon he realized that, like a spell, the device could be commanded with just a thought. It was so simple after all, he realized with a bit of embarrassment. He always did over-think things.

Once this clicked, it was easier to control almost any device, though it required a lot of his focus. It took three days before the team realized that it was Loki who changed the channels on them.

"Fuck," Tony said, grinning when they figured it out. "Nice trick."

 

~~~

 

In the morning, Loki started the coffee maker in advance ( which was diligently pre-prepared by Steve each night) to the great joy of the caffeine-addicted who were thrilled to wake up to a hot brew.

"You're awake all the time, aren't you?" Steve asked, the first out of bed before the crack of dawn. 

"No," Loki corrected, "You forget I'm actually sleeping."

"Right," Steve nodded. He finished his coffee and set the mug in the sink. "We've got some time before anyone else will be awake. I usually get some training in by myself. But I was wondering if you'd show me some of the things you were teaching Thor."

Loki blinked for a moment, surprised by the request. "I'll show you better things than I taught Thor," he decided, his eyes glimmering with mischief. "Then you can best him in your sparring matches."

 

~~~

 

Later in the day, Loki went back to his experiments. He bid Thor to bring him a bowl of water. His brother was so obedient; he brought the water in a clear glass dish without even questioning. It was set on the floor where Loki could sit crossed-legged and comfortable and take his time with the water. Thor returned to his chore of cleaning the dishes from lunch. 

It was a simple trick, one that Loki had learned when he was still a boy. He cleared his mind, focusing on the water only, the clearness of it, the affinity for the pull of celestial bodies. He raised his hands, weaving them skillfully through the air as he had done many times before until it was mere play. 

Everything was flawless on his part, but it didn't matter. The water would not bend for him. Not even the slightest ripple. His magic was gone even in this form, still caged by those warding spells in his cell.

It was then that he realized he could still feel strong magic, and his eyes fell on Mjolnor. Thor left the hammer almost anywhere, taking too much comfort in the fact that none but his own hand could lift it.

But Loki didn't need to lift it. He merely wrapped his hand around the handle. To his surprise, there was something faintly solid there, like when he touched the screen of Stark's computer.

Loki eagerly closed his eyes to meditate on this and integrate himself to Mjolnir. Unlike with the electronic devices, this took little time at all. Mjolnir was ancient and powerful, and he could feel the magic flowing into him, lending him strength. 

Still grasping Mjolnir's handle, Loki raised his other hand to the bowl again, and focused on flowing motions. When the water responded, sliding upwards like a glistening rope, it startled him and he lost focus completely, leaving the water to splash back into the dish.

He was annoyed by this loss of control until he noticed that the water had splashed onto his skin. 

Not through him. _Onto_ him.

It took Loki one or two minutes far too long to realize the implications of this. Trembling, he reached out again and stuck his hand into the water, astonished at the way the liquid had to move around him, rising up in volume and spilling over the sides.

"Thor," he called out without thinking, his voice more tremulous than he would have liked, if he even noticed.

Ever dutiful and protective, Thor appeared in an instant. "Yes, brother?"

Loki couldn't seem to find words. He splashed his fingers in the water, once, twice, and accidentally knocked the bowl over.

"You've spilled it," Thor said, kneeling down and righting the bowl, finding himself at a loss for how to sop up the water.

Loki reached out and grabbed Thor, pulling him close for a kiss.

It was clumsy and rough – their mouths came together too hard and misaligned. Thor's skin was hot, and he smelled faintly of sweat and Midgardian soaps.

Loki arched up against Thor, into his brother's strong hands, his mouth opening to invite him in. Suddenly he slipped, and nearly fell through Thor. They both pulled apart and stared at each other, confused and dizzy from kisses.

"My hand," Loki said. "My hand slipped from Mjolnir."

He grasped the handle again and touched Thor's face with his free hand, testing. His fingers bumped into the solid flesh and felt the scratch of stubble on Thor's chin.

Thor's mouth was on him again as fast as lightning, hard and claiming. One strong arm wrapped around his slim frame, nearly crushing him. Thor's other hand joined Loki's around Mjolnir's handle, his huge paw enveloping Loki's slim fingers.

Loki's lips were so tender and sweet, but far more divine than any maiden that Thor had ever kissed before. His silver tongue was just as wicked in Thor's mouth as it ever was with words. Thor felt he would have crumpled to his knees from pleasure if he wasn't already kneeling before Loki. His body trembled to be closer to his brother, to press against his naked flesh, to warm Loki's skin and redden it with his kisses, and draw sounds of pleasure from him.

"Loki," Thor breathed against his brother's ear. "What spell is this that you cast?"

"There is no spell," Loki answered, finding it difficult to focus with Thor's mouth making trails across his skin. "I touched Mjolnir out of curiosity. The man of iron encouraged me to test my limits."

Thor lifted his head, his eyes seeming to gleam with mischief. Loki hated it when Thor got that look, which meant that Thor had gotten some idea into his head. Even now his stomach clenched in apprehension to see that wickedness in Thor's eyes.

"Yes," Thor agreed. "We should test your limits. I have curiosities of my own to settle."

Loki did not know when Thor learned magic, but he found himself in Thor's room before his wits caught up with him. Thor's body was so pleasingly warm against his skin, and Loki instantly lost himself to this touch, to everything that he craved.

Thor pinned him against the bed, lowering his body against Loki's. Long, biting kisses undid Loki to his core. He had never in his life had a lover who was half of what Thor was. Never had one who could so completely own his body, forcing him to yield, and shelter him with complete trust, complete tenderness. Thor could never hurt him half as much as he allowed, and Loki quivered with want for Thor to utterly break him, debase him and keep him trapped forever.

Mjolnir dug into his side, pushing further against him as Thor covered Loki's body with his own. Thor's hips canted against him, deep desire urging him to rut even through their too-many layers of clothing. The heat was too much – almost scalding – and Loki only wanted more. Wanted all of that friction between them, wanted Thor to lay him bare, to be the first man to spread his thighs and come between them.

"Brother," Loki gasped, this single word all that he could utter to communicate his dire needs.

"Shhh," Thor removed his mouth from Loki's neck, where it had been doing wonderful things. Loki snarled his displeasure at the loss, but Thor so tenderly brushed the hair back from his brother's face and gave him placid kisses on his forehead, ignoring the way that Loki stretched his neck and body in invitation.

"I will give you all that you desire and more," Thor whispered in a dark, rich voice. His hips rolled, grinding hard against Loki but not providing enough contact to push him over the edge.

"I want to own every part of you," Loki panted, his lips curling back savagely. "Every last bone, sinew and strip of flesh would be my estate. Your soul would never be free from my side."

"It is already so," Thor answered, his voice low and rough.

"Then let me see what is rightfully mine." Loki clawed at Thor's clothes, and the Aesir sat back on his haunches, straddling Loki on the bed, and helped to strip away the layers between them.

When his broad chest was exposed at last, Loki's hands seemed to calm. They ceased tearing at Thor's clothes, leaving the fastenings of his trousers to Thor's own hands. Like a long drink after years in the desert, Loki laved his hands across Thor's golden skin, savoring the sight and feel of him, every bit of him trembling with anticipation.

Then, to Loki's horror, his hands sank through Thor's chest, clutching only at what felt to him like empty air.

Thor felt Loki disappear under him, but worse than the loss of touch was the expression that flashed across Loki's face. Abject grief, despair, ruination.

They both recalled Mjolnir, and Thor lifted it, testing it to Loki's skin once again. Whatever charm it had worked before was finished – Loki was once more less than light or air.

"I will have you soon," Thor promised, placing weightless kisses against Loki's forehead. "The few minutes of our gift was well spent, was it not?" He mimed brushing away Loki's tears with his thumbs, and his beloved followed suit, drying his own eyes.

"I still want you," Loki sighed softly. Though the loss of physical form meant the loss of sensation, there was still some lust that smoldered, that he did not want to allow to die out just yet.

Thor shook his head. "It cannot be," he reminded Loki, his voice tender.

"But show me," Loki urged, lifting himself up onto bent elbows. "Show me your dark, wanton urges, and your bright pleasures. Show me what you've promised to be mine."

Thor's face flushed red with shame, but his eyes burned dark with lust. He undressed fully, showing Loki a body that he had seen many times before, but never in this context – never with the idea that all of his flesh was on display for Loki's pleasure, never hardened from desire for his dearest Loki.

Thor braced one hand on the mattress, leaning over Loki's slim frame, and wrapped his other hand around his cock, working quickly, heedlessly. Loki's green eyes burned into him, and it was with those eyes locked on his that he came, spilling his seed across Loki's chest and stomach. 

The hot drops splattered across the sheets beneath them both, but the effect was much the same, leaving Loki as breathless as Thor. The Aesir sank onto the bed, then, drained and shaky and half lying in Loki just to be near to him.

"Is that what you would do?" Loki whispered only a moment later while Thor recovered. "Would you finish by pleasuring yourself onto me and marking me with your seed?"

Thor groaned in response, his nerve endings raw but tingling in response to Loki's words, to the mere sound of Loki's voice in his ear. "Yes," he said, "and deep within you."

Even with his eyes closed, he could _hear_ Loki's smirk.

"Then I hope your stamina lasts longer when you finally have me in your grasp," Loki teased, and Thor flushed hot with embarrassment.

 

x


	11. Chapter 11

"Thor, we need to talk," Steve said when they were far from Stark tower.

"Yes, tell me of the mission," Thor requested, looking from Steve to Tony. 

Both men seemed to know more about what was going on than Thor did. After breakfast, Tony told him that Fury wanted the three of them to head out for an assignment. Thor had asked Loki if he would stay while he was gone, and left the trickster sitting on the couch, his restless mind flicking through television channels.

"There is no mission," Steve confessed. "We have to talk about you and Loki."

Thor blinked for a moment, and finally nodded. "Of what is there to speak?" he asked, his mouth dry.

"Thor, you know there are security cameras in the house," Tony said. "And since Loki is still a security risk, I've been keeping tabs on him. I saw his newest trick when I reviewed the footage."

"You should have told us he figured out how to become solid," Steve said.

"I apologize, my friends," Thor said, nearly stuttering. He hung his head low to show his regret. "I did not think to tell thee because the trick was short-lived. It only lasted a few minutes, and cannot be done again."

"Are you sure?" Tony pried.

"Verily, man of iron," Thor said. "The power was loaned from Mjolnir, and she lends no more. It cannot be done again."

"Okay," Tony said, decidedly. "Then it's time we discuss our second point. The reason I'm not particularly worried about what Loki might have done while he was tangible is because I already know exactly what he did. Or you guys did. Not to be weird or anything, but we need to talk about that."

"I understand," Thor said, his voice grave and disheartened. "There is no need for talk. I will leave your team of warriors."

"Wait, what?" Steve blurted out. "Thor, we don't want you to leave."

"I cannot be a warrior," Thor said, his head lowered, his eyes glistening while his chest heaved for air. "It makes no difference that I did not lie with him - if it had been possible I would have committed that crime."

"Crime? It's not a crime," Tony tried to assure him.

Thor shook his head, his eyes angry and sad at the same time. "It is forbidden in Asgard for a man to have relations with another man. Worse is my crime that I would commit these acts out of love for him. I must leave you."

"Don't say things like that," Steve growled, catching Thor's arm. "Look at me. There is nothing to be ashamed of for loving someone. I know your culture is different, and I try to respect that, but I can't agree with their views about this."

"Thor, if anyone here told you it's wrong, they're assholes and you need to ignore them," Tony said. "You're both consenting adults, and... technically you're not even related. I don't see the goddamn problem."

"Well, we see one problem," Steve reminded Tony, glancing anxiously at him. "See, Loki is still what S.H.I.E.L.D. would classify as a villain."

"My brother is no villain," Thor said.

"Maybe not anymore," Steve relented, "but S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't know that yet. What they know about him is that he's incredibly powerful, he killed people, he wanted to conquer Earth and he almost managed to do it."

"Is there no hope for him to be forgiven?"

"Of course there's hope," Tony said. "You think everyone on the team has a clear conscious or even a clean history? Hell, I hold myself personally responsible for the deaths of far too many innocent men and women. All that I can hope to do is save as many lives as I can. If Loki wants to turn around, there's nothing strange about that. We'll help. Half of the team has been where he is. But for now you have to understand that Fury's gonna end up finding out about this, and he's going to have some issues with you dating an ex-villain."

"I care not for what the furious one thinks," Thor answered breathlessly.

"You ought to, because he put this team together, and if he thinks that there's a chance Loki will compromise you, he'll find a way to put an end to you or him," Tony said. "All I'm saying is, you're walking on glass right now. You need to tread carefully."

"I will not hide or change my love for Loki for anyone," Thor said, full of resentment and defiance.

"Nobody's asking you to, but when S.H.I.E.L.D. finds out – THOR! Thor where are you going?!"

 

~~~

 

"Fury!" Thor bellowed, the door bursting open as he made a glorious entrance. An armed guard tried to follow him, but Thor swatted him like a fly and the mortal collapsed against the wall.

"What the hell is going on?" Fury asked, setting down his sandwich and standing up to address the situation.

"Sorry, sir," Tony said, appearing behind Thor in the doorway. He gave the guards behind him an apologetic look and ineffectually waved them away before pulling the door shut.

"I love Loki Laufeyson," Thor declared, giving Fury his menacing battle-ready stance. "I love him with all of my being and I will hide it from no one. If you hold any grievances about this, speak now or bite your tongue until the end of all things."

Fury gave Thor a smoldering glare. Thor tightened his grip on Mjolnir.

"Let me get this straight. You're barging in on my lunch hour to tell me that you're in love with your brother and war criminal, Loki?" Fury asked, though it was somehow more of a statement.

Thor nodded, fierce. "I will walk on glass for no one."

"Son, look at what I'm holding," Fury said, spreading his hands for Thor to see that they were empty. "These are all the fucks I give about who you love, who you sleep with, or who you think has the cutest ass. If you want to dress up like a giraffe and fuck other giraffes while you're off duty, I could not _possibly_ care less. But while you're on an assignment, or when there's a crisis that we need the Avengers for, your ass is mine. And if you fuck up just once, or if screwing around with your psychotic boy toy makes you a liability, you're out. Have I made myself perfectly clear?"

"Yes," Thor answered, lowering his hammer. He was flush with a combination of relief, surprise, and joy. "Perfectly clear."

"And I don't want to hear a damn thing about what you do in the bedroom," Fury added, his face red. "That goes for all of you," he gave Stark a pointed look, but was interrupted by Thor's crushing arms suddenly hugging him. "GET OUT OF HERE," he snapped, pushing Thor away.

Grinning, Thor obliged, and met Steve when he opened the door. "Friend," he said immediately, "what is a fuck?"

"Stark, your candy ass is staying right here," Fury growled before Tony could slip out the door after his teammates.

Tony shut the door and turned back to face Fury. "Alright. So you know the secret now. Who let it slip that my ass is made of candy?"

"Stark, I don't have time for your funny jokes," Fury said. "You'd better explain to me exactly what the hell is going on and how long Thor has been secretly romancing a war criminal."

Tony sighed and decided to take a seat. The small chair groaned in protest under the weight of his metal suit. "Remember when we first told you we'd seen Loki, and you couldn't find him anywhere?"

"You've been hiding him that long, Stark?" Fury's quiet tone was somehow even more frightening than when he yelled. "And just how the hell did he manage to slip out of Asgard?"

"He hasn't," Tony said. "It's complicated. As easily as I can put it, he's been visiting as an astral projection."

"You expect me to buy that fairy tale nonsense?"

"Sir, these are Nordic gods," Tony reminded him. He took Fury's aggravated sigh as a sign of defeat.

"And when exactly did you intend to tell me that the thorn in my side came back to haunt me?"

"Well, with all due respect, he was haunting us," Tony corrected. "I determined that in his intangible state he wasn't a threat to anyone. And since he wasn't a risk, I decided that who I allowed into my home was my own damn business."

"You'll be lucky if this doesn't come back to bite both our asses," Fury said, jabbing a finger at Tony.

"We're actually trying to get him to join the team," Tony said. "And he's already helped out. Remember that behemoth I said I took out with a computer virus?"

Fury's expression hardened. "I knew you were bullshitting me."

"Completely," Tony chuckled. "If it weren't for Loki, we'd all be boned. Well, I'd probably have still come up with some brilliant idea to save us all at the very last minute, but that's beside the point. He was the one who pulled it off, and he did it only because we asked him to. I think he'll be completely loyal to us by the time his sentence is up."

"And when exactly is his sentence up?"

"In about a thousand years."

The door opened and Agent Coulson poked his head inside. "Sir? Peter Parker scheduled an interview with you."

Fury clenched his fists. "I've told him _eight_ times he can't join the Avengers," he grumbled, striding towards the door. He stopped in his tracks, giving Tony another glare. "Stark. If you mess up, I'm replacing you with a kid who shoots webs," he threatened. "Now get your _candy_ ass out of my facility."

"With pleasure, sir!" Tony replied, mock-saluting and choosing the quickest exit.

 

~~~

 

"Brother!" Thor's voice boomed through the mansion when he returned home.

"You don't have to shout," Natasha said from the kitchen, mildly annoyed. "He's right there," she pointed to the living room, where Loki sat reading on his computer.

"What took you guys so long?" Bruce asked, checking his wrist watch. "You said an hour, it's been four."

"Well, Steve and I were trying to give Thor... the _talk_ \--"

"Birds and the bees?" Clint asked.

"More like Hawks and spiders," Tony shot back, giving Clint a nasty look for being interrupted. "Anyway. Long story short, Fury knows about Loki now."

"What? How?" Bruce was bewildered. "I thought that he didn't show up in their system."

"I'm pretty sure he doesn't," Tony said. 

"Then how did he find out?"

"Because some mysterious god of thunder marched into SHIELD and told him in no uncertain terms that he was the west and Loki was the sun, and anyone who had a problem with that could run face-first into his hammer."

"I think you mean east."

"The sun doesn't go down in the east, Bruce," Tony retorted, making Clint snort milk out of his nose.

"Ew!"

"And all of this out of nowhere to Fury, who's trying to eat his sandwich."

"Not good," Natasha predicted. "How did you guys make it back alive? What did he say?"

"Steve, why don't you tell us what Fury said?" Tony requested He couldn't hold back a laugh when Steve turned red and pretended to be more interested in getting himself a glass of water. "Thor?"

"He said that he had no fucks to bestow upon me," Thor answered. For some reason, Clint and Tony laughed, Natasha and Bruce tried not to laugh, and Steve still looked disturbed. "Will I find it as amusing when I learn what a 'fuck' is?"

"Brother, you shouldn't use words you don't know the meaning of," Loki chided lightly from the other room, his eyes never leaving his screen.

Thor gave his friends a satisfied look, as if to say, ' _See? He stands up for me._ ' Although truthfully, Thor didn't mind playing the clueless foreigner role, especially to his advantage.

"Loki," Thor said, going to his beloved. He knelt beside Loki, watching the younger man chew at his fingertips. He still wasn't used to that new nervous habit, but the way Loki's eyes shone, utterly absorbed in whatever he was reading, was very familiar and lovely to see.

"The Captain and the son of Stark gave me glorious news – that loving you is no crime on Midgard. When you are freed I will bring you here to stay, and we can be together until the stars turn black or Ragnarok ends all things. Are you pleased?"

"Go away, Thor, I'm trying to read," Loki said, not particularly paying attention. He pushed his palm at Thor's head to turn him away, but of course his hand went through Thor's pouting face instead.

"Harsh," Tony chuckled and strolled over to flop on the couch. "What are you reading? Something good?"

"Why don't you look for yourself?" Loki mumbled pointedly in return.

Tony sighed after a second and took out his phone. He pressed a few screens on his phone and accessed his spying software, which Loki was apparently clever enough to know about but not clever enough to deactivate. Or clever enough to know better than to deactivate it.

"Nature vs. Nurture," Tony read aloud, and whistled. "Wait 'til you read about Creationism vs. Evolution."

"That's an interesting debate," Bruce commented. "What do you think of it, Loki?"

"I don't know what to think," Loki answered, his eyebrows furrowing. "I'm trying to find answers."

"Answers to what?" Thor asked.

"Which one wins," Loki sighed. "Nature or nurture." He finally turned to Thor, knowing that his brother would be greatly confused but wouldn't even know how to ask for an explanation. "It's a question of whether one's personality is predetermined by their ancestry, or shaped by how they're raised."

Thor lifted his head in understanding. "Oh. And which is it?"

Loki looked disappointed. "Blood."

"There's no clear answer," Bruce intervened. "Genetics has a lot to do with things – that is, blood to you guys – but how a child is raised has a lot to do with it, too. It comes down to a different answer for every person. But if you look at someone's genetics, and how they were raised, you see the whole picture of what influenced them to become the person they are. It's fascinating."

"I'm Jotun," Loki stated, staring at his screen again for the sake of something to look at. "And Jotuns are heartless monsters."

"You are _Loki_ ," Thor said, leaning in to try to catch his brother's eyes.

"Trickster. Betrayer. Murderer," Loki listed in a toneless voice.

Thor reached out to grab his brother. When, of course, this failed, he shoved the computer out of the way and moved to invade Loki's space and force his brother to look at him. Thor hated the way he averted his eyes, refusing to look at him. It was so unlike his brave, defiant Loki.

"You were raised as Aesir," Thor said. "Not Jotun."

"I was also raised as your _brother_ , and look at that," Loki retorted, finally giving Thor a glare, but it was brief and flickered away. "You cannot raise a wolf to eat greens. Inside he always has the temptation for blood."

"And I will keep you from temptation," Thor promised.

"Eheh," Loki laughed lightly, but his mood was still foreboding. "And what if you have to keep me in chains to keep me from the darkness?"

Thor frowned at his brother, wanting to tell Loki that he was being absurd. "I will do anything to keep you at my side."

What Loki thought of this answer, Thor couldn't tell. The trickster licked his lips as if nervous and then turned to Bruce.

"Banner," he said, trying to mimic frivolous conversation, but no one was fooled by the restless way his eyes wouldn't look at anyone in the room. "I was reading tales of families... siblings, mothers and children separated for years, able to recognize each other again at first sight. Do you think such things are possible?"

"Um... well, they can be," Bruce answered hesitantly. "Those aren't just stories – it's happened many times. Of course, there's a family resemblance that could explain it. But some believe that it's just a sixth sense. An intuition."

"Mother's intuition," Tony quipped.

"Maybe a mother doesn't often forget their child, but does the child?" Loki asked, mostly wondering out loud. "Even when I knew that Laufey was my father, I didn't feel anything to kill him. So I think that's it. I don't have a sentimental bone in my body. It's not in my genetics."

"Loki, please stop saying such things," Thor said. "You tell lies to yourself – I worry that you'll eventually think they are true. You are the most loving person that I have seen. You are brave, and kind, and caring, and playful. Your feelings have always possessed you strongly. I wish that you had never learned to hate. It clouds your mind and makes you forget yourself. Please stop pursuing these dark thoughts. Try not to think so much."

Loki's mouth twitched at the last sentence. "We can't all be like you," he replied, and bit his lip.

Thor only smiled, beyond relieved to see that the trickster spirit was alive and well in Loki. Any other response wouldn't have been right.

"If words could wound, I would be slain," Thor joked.

"Ehehe," Loki laughed, some genuine mirth returning to him for a moment, but then he grimaced and held his hand.

"Loki? Are you in pain?" Thor asked.

Loki shook his head. "Someone is at my cell." He hissed and flinched from some muted noise. "It's loud. But it's too soon for a visitor," he whimpered slightly, trying to fight the pain, the tug back to consciousness. "I don't--"

Thor stared at the empty spot where his brother had been sitting. He felt the loss of him in his chest, like a physical piece had gone missing. It always felt that way when Loki had to leave, but usually it was more bearable.

"I hate when he is pulled from me," Thor confided to his friends in a softer voice. "I hate to see his distress. And I hate to hear him speak so negatively of himself."

"It's a good sign, actually," Clint said, finally entering the conversation. "He's feeling remorse. It's not a great feeling, but it's good that he feels it. It's what keeps us human. Um. You know what I mean."

Thor nodded wearily. "I only wish that I could help."

"You _are_ helping," Natasha assured him. "Just get him through it. Tell him – you know. Tell him that you love him. He's committed crimes, and trust me it won't be easy on him, but he'll get through, and he'll be better for it. He just needs you there for him."

 

~~~

 

Loki was on his knees before he fully woke up, hands clamped over his ears to try to block out the thunderous sound.

"Wake, Laufeyson." The guard slammed his spear against the bars once again, the noise tremendous in this world that was mostly silence.

"What do you want?" Loki snarled, dropping his hands to his sides, and clenching them into fists to keep them from trembling. His throat and voice felt raw from rarely speaking in months.

"There is a message for you," the guard said. "I only care to utter it once. Do you hear me?"

"Say it," Loki spat with impatience. His skin couldn't help but crawl just at the sight of the guard, but this was unusual, this was not a normal visit. Still, the sooner the guard left, the better.

"He eats," the guard stated simply, making sure each word was heavy in the air.

Loki managed to wait for the guard to leave before he broke.

 

x


	12. Chapter 12

"Have you seen Loki?" Thor asked when he woke. His hair mussed from restless sleep, his usual smile vanished along with his beloved.

"Not yet," Clint answered. He poked a fork into one of the omelettes he had fried up only minutes ago, transferred both to a plate, and handed it to Thor.

"He'll be back up," Tony said, folding his newspaper in half. "Like my stocks. I hope."

"Did you manage to get much sleep?" Steve asked.

"No," Thor admitted. He took a seat and dug into his omelette, but his mind seemed to be elsewhere. What was on his mind, of course, everyone already knew.

"Cheer up," Natasha leaned to put a hand on Thor's shoulder. "He'll be back. He's got a thousand years, right? He isn't going anywhere. You'll see a lot of him, I'm sure."

"This is true," Thor considered, digging his fork through his food, but not actually eating it anymore. "Perhaps it's well enough that he is absent for a moment. I wanted to ask.... How do you court a beloved? How is it done on Midgard, I mean."

"Court? Like dating?" Steve asked, a smile threatening his lips.

"Showing your affections," Thor elaborated, focused on further scrambling his food and only risking the occasional glance at his friends. "Winning their affection in return."

"Dating," Bruce confirmed, nodding.

"I'm probably not the guy to ask," Tony said, opening his paper again. "I tend to express my _'affections'_ physically."

"Yes, that would be no help to me," Thor agreed.

"A thousand years to date someone," Natasha mused aloud.

Bruce smiled fondly at the thought. "Imagine how much you would learn about each other."

"A thousand years, and no touching," Clint grimaced.

"The sex will be _amazing_ ," Natasha nearly purred. She caught the looks from the others. "What? You're all thinking it. Thor, how do you normally court someone in Asgard?"

Thor let out a pensive breath and shifted in his chair. "A desirable husband is usually one who is a proven warrior. There are few men who do not see a day of battle, and fewer still who do not at least hunt. So a warrior would prove his worth to the maid he desired by bringing her the pelts or fangs of mighty beasts. I've given many of these gifts to lovely maids. Many to Loki, even, throughout our years together. I saved the finest pelts for him. But he has never been fond of these sentiments."

"Why not?" Natasha questioned.

"Because he doesn't fit in to the role expected of a man," Thor answered regretfully. "He is not particularly strong or skilled with a weapon. He doesn't hunt. He is considered a coward because he's reluctant to go into battle. And magic comes easily and strongly to him – a skill that is usually only learned by our women."

"Excuse me," Tony slapped his newspaper down on the table, "but if that's the brother you know, then who the fuck was it who tried to take over our world?"

"I could hardly believe it myself," Thor said. "But I understand he wanted to prove himself, prove that he could rule, that he was not weak. That he was worthy of being Aesir. I lost him a long time ago, before he came here, when he fell from the Bifrost. Only now do I finally have him back. You've seen him now, haven't you? He's calmer. Kinder. He's almost alright again. But almost isn't enough. Sometimes I worry that I will never truly have my brother back. That is why I want him to know that he is loved, in some way that he will appreciate. I think this world understands him better, could suit him better than Asgard ever did. So I want to know... how do I win his affection?"

 

~~~

 

For the first time in weeks, maybe months – time passed strangely now – Loki examined his cell for escape.

Standing upright was a struggle. He clutched his arms around himself, and brace himself against whatever he could grasp of the walls to support himself. The first few sweeps around his cell were panicked, frenzied, and useless. Loki finally brought himself under control after the third day of his search – or maybe it was his fourth. He had started well rested, even if he wasn't well, but now he felt exhaustion sinking in to his bones. He kept slipping to his knees, and feared falling asleep for some time, but eventually he realized that he was too exhausted, too terrified to possibly sleep. Not deeply enough to find pleasant dreams, at least. It was wonderful, actually – he nodded off for a minute here or there, but never lay himself down, and woke whenever he started to fall over.

The exhaustion was helpful, in a way. It slowed him down, forced him to take his time, forced him to think about the same thing repeatedly because he kept forgetting where he was, what he was doing. Looking for something. A way out. A weakness. Anything.

Loki started at the first brick, and moved on from there, methodically. He moved across the floor far slower than a shadow would cross a courtyard. Every brick and bar was painstakingly scrutinized for physical and magical strength. He found several parts of the walls or floor that appeared half crumbling, and kicked at them until his feet bruised and bled, but the stones didn't even chip. He found the crevices and the hollows that the _meinsamr_ crept from, and tried to claw these openings until his fingers were red and wet and the pain screamed at him to stop. And finally he had to concede that even if he had his full strength again, he could never have so much as cracked the walls.

There was no comfort here.

He paced again when his search was completed. He squeezed his agonized fingers in turn, trying to find a way to ease the pain. But there was no comfort here. 

Loki stopped pacing. He found a spot of the floor, a new idea forming in his mind, and wrung the blood from his fingers, reopened his wounds, let it pool despite the sickness he felt, and waited. It barely started to dry when the _meinsamr_ came. He stomped on one, immobilizing it but somehow not killing it, so it made horrible skreaking sounds as it suffered. Another he grabbed and smashed against the floor, uncaring that his knuckles were similarly beaten with every strike, or that the vermin had bitten and clawed into his hands.

The two were his. He grabbed the repulsive bodies and moved away from the swarming _meinsamr_. He let them clean the floor of blood, but did not allow them to devour their brethren this time. He hissed at the ones who came to scent his wounds, and kicked them away. They seemed more vicious this time, less fearful, as if they knew that he was so close to leaving them, and they wanted his death to be theirs to enjoy.

Then the _meinsamr_ left, apparently angry about their scant meal and Loki's rude hospitality.

He sank to his knees again, feeling minimal relief to be off his bloodied feet. Setting the two dead _meinsamr_ on the floor, he tried to calm himself down, tried to focus. 

Loki was beyond caring anymore. 

He cupped his hands around the furless body of one of the _meinsamr_ – the one that was wounded and dying – and tried to find its inner energy, like he had learned to do with Tony's electronic children. Living things all had that certain energy to them, even a kind of magic, some more than others. Loki needed to tap into that, needed to see why the _meinsamr_ were exceptional to the wards, why they alone could pass through the barriers. If only he could shape-shift, it was possible that he could do the same and slip away.

But there was nothing beyond the blistering pain in his body. His inner magic wouldn't work in this place even to provide him with the intuition he had grown accustomed to – the ability to simply _feel_ energy. Even in his intangible dream-like state, he could feel these things, but inside his prison he was completely blind.

These disgusting creatures were useless to him. But the _meinsamr_ would not be allowed to eat him once he was dead. That thought alone gave him some dark comfort, and Loki tossed the small bodies through the bars, as far away as possible so that the vermin would not visit him a second time.

Then he forced himself to stand up again, to resume pacing and let the pain from his wounds keep him awake.

Because the next time he fell asleep, he would have to tell Thor. He could think of nothing else to do now. And he never wanted that moment to come.

 

~~~

 

"Thor, you need to focus!" Steve's voice cut through the melee loud and clear. "Cover Natasha!"

Once again, Thor's mind snapped back to earth, crystal clear for a moment. He didn't notice it wandering, didn't notice how he managed to run on autopilot, nearly oblivious to the battle around him and the lives hanging in the balance. Lives of his own teammates. He was grateful that Steve was in charge, that at least Steve was able to concentrate on everyone and everything at once, that he was there to shout an order and remind him of what needs to be done. Because otherwise... Thor didn't want to think about it. He'd never been so lost in his own head before, in his own worries. Never felt so unsure of himself. Even the heat of battle didn't hold his attention anymore, even though it should have, because it was _selfish_ of him to be so out of reality, to almost get his teammates killed because his head isn't in the game anymore.

Steve had given him missions off. There wasn't much else to do. It wasn't a lack of sleep so much as it was the fact that it had been _days_ since he'd last seen Loki. Days, and nobody knew whether it was better to give Thor some sort of condolences, or keep telling him to keep his chin up.

But staying at the mansion during missions was even worse. He couldn't handle being alone to his thoughts – Thor needed something to do, something to try to keep his mind elsewhere. Steve stopped telling him to sit out, stopped even suggesting it. He often gave Thor some simple task, something heavy-handed and physically demanding but otherwise unessential. _Go beat that guy up._ And Thor would while the others carried the slack. Because they all understood now that this was wearing him out, that he wasn't 100% anymore if they had to rely on him for something. But the trouble was, sometimes he was essential.

Like right then, when the non-superhumans were feeling the strain, and the Hulk was out of the picture.

And thankfully, Thor still came through when it went into crunch time. It was almost as if something in him snapped, and all of his focus, all of his energy finally went outwards. The team almost felt bad for the villains they fought against when Thor went off like that. Almost.

Today, every villain that Thor handled was just left breathing. Walking again might be a different story, but even Steve didn't really care about that, because who the fuck tries to kill children. But when the fighting stopped, and they let the law enforcers take over, the team was well aware that Thor wasn't particularly harsh because there were children involved. In fact, it was entirely possible that he didn't even remember why they were villains or what they had done – Steve had given the go-ahead for maximum punishment, to stop at nothing to stop them, and Thor had done that, short of killing them. That was all the team needed.

"Good work," Steve said at the end of it all.

"Can we please have takeout tonight?" Tony asked, landing in the street with Clint. He let go of the archer and powered down his suit. "Our super chef is ex-haust-ed. My treat, of course," he added. "I'm feeling Thai. Any objections?"

Tony glanced around for a consensus, and found them all staring off at something.

"What?" Tony looked around, following their gazes fruitlessly. When Thor walked off in that direction, he finally opened his mask. "Shit!" he exclaimed, now able to see that it was Loki, barefoot and out of place in the aftermath of the fighting. "I forgot he doesn't show up on video monitors. Someone could've _answered_ me, though."

"Brother," Thor said, his voice catching in his throat. "I missed you terribly. Are you well? What kept you for so long? Do you realize you've been gone eight days?"

Loki didn't answer, his eyes fixed on Thor, but distracting himself by idly biting the tips of his fingers while he focused on what he had to say. He was grateful that this dreamlike form didn't reveal his injuries, but it was hard to soothe his nerves when the sweet copper taste of his fingertips was just a memory.

But he didn't deserve to be soothed, Loki reminded himself, and forced his hands to stay at his sides.

"I stayed awake," Loki said. He was aware that Thor's friends moved closer, almost welcoming him, almost like they had been worried at well and were actually relieved to see him.

"All this time? Why?" Thor furrowed his brow, and stepped closer to find intimate proximity with Loki.

Loki stepped back and dug his nails into his palm as hard as he could.

"Because..." Loki began. "Because you disgust me." The words resisted, but he forced them out, trying not to reveal how each one was barbed, tearing him apart from the inside.

"Brother?" Thor's voice was actually quiet for once.

"I am not your brother," Loki said. "I am not your friend or your confidante. I am not your fellow warrior, or your counsel. Those days are _dead_."

Already, Thor looked distressed. "I don't understand."

"No. You never _understand_ ," Loki snarled. The words came easier now that the blood of his soul was already flowing freely. "You think that you can ignore the darkness in the world and it will go away. Closing your eyes to it only makes you blind."

"Why are you angry with me, Loki? What have I done?"

"You've made yourself into a sentimental fool," Loki said, every word dripping with venom. "A mockery of everything that you think you stand for. A hero who turns a blind eye to his greatest enemy. A dutiful son who would seek out his base perversions with the one he calls brother. A so-called warrior of legendary strength, who is reduced to trembling with lust between the thighs of another man."

Thor reacted, his fists tightening, and he would have struck Loki if he wasn't well aware that his blows would be futile and would give Loki whatever it was that he wanted.

"Do not try to shame me with accusations of perversion," Thor growled. "It was your lips that touched mine with need. It was you who said that you would own every part of me."

"Yes," Loki invaded Thor's space challengingly, his eyes fixed with a singular hatred, his chin tilted up in unwavering defiance. "I _would_ own every part of you. And I would destroy every part of you to your barest foundation, until you could feel nothing again, body or soul. Until you were made as worthless and broken as I have ever felt."

"I know that I have wronged you," Thor said, his strength testified in the fact that he could still find air to speak. "I have done irreparable things. And I am truly sorry. But I love thee, Loki. You cannot revoke the fact that you felt the same."

"I never did," Loki said. "Remind yourself. Never once did I pretend that I loved you. I told you that you would never hold me in your arms, and this is true. Because the next time I embrace you, it will be to kill you."

"Why?" Thor gasped, his head bowed, as if doubled over with agony. Loki ignored the heavy drops that fell from his brother's face, and the heavy drops that started to drop from the sky.

"Because I hate you with every fiber of my being. You fraud. You Odinson. You disgraceful liar. Because I am what you created of me; a being of darkness and enmity," Loki said. 

"You are what you allowed yourself to become," Thor snarled, his tear-streaked face only roughly disguised by the rain, which had begun to pour. "When I see you again, Laufeyson, I will end you."

Loki didn't watch Thor leave, only listened to the shouts of protest from his comrades. He imagined that he could feel every icy drop of water piercing him like needles.

"What the hell is your issue?!" Natasha screamed at him, half to be heard over the pounding rain, the ominous rumble of thunder in the distance, and half because she couldn't control her temper anymore.

Loki couldn't lift his head to look at any of them, but managed to smile even as the tears finally came from his eyes. Everything hurt, because he knew that Thor would be fine now. His friends would hold him together, and he would be fine, and Loki was so painfully happy for him.

"Someone has to be the villain."

 

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry.


	13. Chapter 13

Something was deeply wrong. Bruce knew it the instant the lights flickered in his laboratory. He left his sterile room behind, surfacing to the common floor that he and his team all shared, to see if anyone had returned. 

Somehow the pouring rain didn't surprise him, nor did the lightning that threatened to crack the sky apart and shook the earth with tremendous thunder. And it was suiting that with all of this, there was music blasting – beautiful, haunting music that was far removed from Tony's tastes. Bruce could already feel his heart sinking with dread before he heard the poignant words.

_If you could only see_  
 _The beast you've made of me_  
 _I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free_  
 _Screaming in the dark,_  
 _I howl when we're apart_  
 _drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart_

And all of this – the rain, the lightning, the music – poorly masked the sound of someone _sobbing_. He could have guessed who it was before he found him tucked away in the kitchen, knees to his chest in almost exactly the same spot he had first appeared.

"Loki," Bruce knelt down. Loki buried his face and shuddered, the lights flickering around them. "What happened?"

His presence and concern made it worse. Whatever pain Loki felt suddenly came loose. Sobbing wasn't enough for his anguish. Loki screamed with every breath, unable to hold anything in anymore. It was the sound of someone coming completely undone.

Bruce had no way to help this, no way to comfort Loki but to sit near him and hope that his company meant anything at all. He murmured to Loki in a low voice mostly to remind him that he was not alone.

The lights flickered endlessly, as did every electronic device Bruce could see, even ones running on battery. Something burst, with the sound of sparks, but Bruce ignored it.

The only thing that pushed on without skipping and repeated endlessly was the music, this song of ill-fated lovers, of passion giving way to terror, and it wasn't hard to see what was wrong.

_Like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins  
I want to find you, tear out all your tenderness_

"I shouldn't be sad."

Loki's voice was so wrought with grief, so raw from crying that it seemed unnatural and startled Bruce when he finally spoke.

"It's okay to be sad," Bruce said, trying to assure him purely through tone of voice. "I know what it's like trying to hold everything in for so long."

Loki turned his face to Bruce, resting the temple of his head against his knees. It was striking just how tired he looked, how broken. It was hard to remember that despite how young he looked, Loki had already lived for centuries. Bruce couldn't fathom what sort of pain Loki was carrying from so many years.

"I'm not sad," Loki said, his voice shaking and firm at the same time, visibly fighting against giving in to tears again, fighting to convince himself that what he said was true. "I'm so... I'm so happy," he shivered and wiped fresh tears from his eyes. "I'm _pleased_."

"Loki, what's wrong?" Bruce asked, not falling for the brave face in the slightest.

Loki shook his head, but his denial didn't work even on himself, and he shuddered with a suppressed sob. "How could doing the right thing hurt so much?"

Bruce's face creased with worry. "What did you do?" 

Loki sniffed and forced a bitter smile. "I let him go. I told him horrible lies. And horrible truths. Anything to break his heart. Because I couldn't bear to have his heart broken."

"Loki, Thor loves you," Bruce said urgently.

"I _know_ ," Loki bit his hand savagely for a moment. "That's why I... I shouldn't be so selfish... but I don't want to wake up. Ever again. If I could just stay here. Just – just _stay_."

"What the hell is happening, Loki?"

Loki shook his head again. "I can't put him through it. And I hope to Hel that he hates me."

"If you'd tell me, I bet we could help," Bruce persisted.

"But I don't want you to," Loki said. He took a deep, shuddering breath and let it out again. "Please tell me, honestly... if things could be different, if it were possible... would you have let me stay?"

Bruce nodded. "Of _course_."

A smile burst out on Loki's face, and a pleased laugh that was little more than an exhale.

"Thank you," Loki closed his eyes, and opened them again as the sound of thunder rattled the mansion. "If he hates me, please let him hate me," he said to Bruce, pleading. "But if it doesn't work... if he still loves me even after this, please tell him not to return to Asgard. And remind him that I am the god of lies. That half of everything I ever told him was a lie, and he should know which half."

"Loki," Bruce protested again.

Before he could even finish saying his name, the trickster was gone. The music stopped, and the lights failed, leaving Bruce alone in the darkness.

 

~~~~

 

"Did the power go out?" Natasha asked as soon as they set foot into the building.

"No," Tony answered, flicking the light switch on and off with no effect. "For one thing, if the power was out the elevator wouldn't work. For another thing, this building runs on its own power source."

Thor shouldered past Tony and begin to remove his sopping wet cape and the pieces of his armor, his hands yanking at straps in frustration.

"Some things are still working," Clint noted, glancing at the blinking time on the oven, the little lights of various stereo equipment. "Looks like the bulb blew," Clint said. "All the light bulbs," he amended slowly, realizing just how many lights were out.

"Bruce?" Steve called out.

"I'm here!" There was a thump as he stumbled over something, and Bruce emerged from the darkened rooms. "I couldn't find a flashlight. Um, a working one, anyway. Loki fried my cell, too. I couldn't call you."

"Loki attacked here?" Natasha frowned.

"No!" Bruce shook his head immediately. "It was accidental, trust me. Thor, you have to go to Asgard and find out what's going on."

"No," Thor glowered at Bruce. "I know well enough what is going on. He's made it perfectly clear," he snapped, slamming his vanguards down onto the floor.

"Thor, Loki was-"

"If you say his name again, you are no friend of mine," Thor snarled, his eyes harsh as steel.

"We already know, Bruce," Steve said, trying to intervene. "He was cruel."

"When was this?" Bruce questioned. 

"Right before the rain," Clint answered.

"Then that was before," Bruce said, turning persistently back to Thor, ignoring the larger man's anger. "Thor, Loki is not okay," he grabbed Thor's shoulders to make him listen, gritting his teeth when Thor tried to shove him away. "He was upset. God, no, that's not even the right word. There isn't a word for it. He was completely shattered. I don't know what he said to you, but I can guess. He seemed to think it would be better if you hated him."

"And he achieved what he wanted," Thor said.

"You can't fall for that," Bruce persisted. "I've been where he is. I know how it feels when you're so sad and you just end up forcing everyone away so you can be alone. It's horrible and it's stupid and it isn't what he actually needs."

"Then why would he say such things?" Thor mumbled.

"Because it's easier than telling the truth," Bruce sighed. "Listen, Loki told me that half of everything he's ever said to us was a lie, and you would know which half. Thor, if I could go to Asgard myself I would already be there. I'm worried about him. It's so easy to say that you're okay when you're actually not. And he's _not_."

Emotions warred plainly across Thor's face, but he went – he crossed the room and flung open a door to the outside deck, stepping out into the dark torrent of rain that he had created and couldn't stop.

"HEIMDALL!" he shouted to the black heavens. Only the unrelenting rain responded, stinging at his eyes. "Heimdall, open the Bifrost!"

 _"You've been a long time in coming, my Prince,"_ was the deep response – one that none of the other Avengers could hear even if the storm wasn't raging.

"Open the Bifrost," Thor repeated breathlessly. "I would have words with my father."

_"It cannot be done. The bridge is not yet repaired."_

"Are there no other routes into Asgard?" Thor demanded. "I must speak to the All-Father."

_"That is not a wise thing to do, my Prince."_

"Do not tell me what is wise! You are still the Gatekeeper, Heimdall! I will go into Asgard by any means. Call the sorcerers to weave their magic. Send the tesseract. Whatever it takes."

_"I cannot permit you an audience with the King."_

"Why?" Thor bellowed. His breath escaped him, and he yelled for Heimdall again, but there was no more response. The gates were shut to him. This was worse than his banishment.

"Thor?" Steve came out into the rain, running to the Aesir's side as Thor fell to his knees.

"I cannot go home," Thor mumbled.

"We'll find a way," Steve promised immediately, wrapping his arms around his friend, trying to warm him from the chill of despair. "We can find a way."

"I don't know if such a thing is possible from this end," Thor shook his head. He felt completely drained.

"We have Tony," Steve reminded Thor, trying to find some humor. "Anything's possible."

The words were small comfort. Thor felt completely lost, unsure of any goal. Of two things he had always been certain – his love for his brother, and his rightful place in Asgard. Now Loki had wounded him so fiercely, and he was told he could not return home. Nothing made sense.

His friends had to physically bring Thor in from the rain. He spent the night in the living room, sleepless even after the others pulled away and went to their own beds.

By the time morning light came, Thor was so very tired in every way. His friends came again, murmuring words of pity and trying to remind him that there was no sense in not eating, and that they would help him with whatever he wanted.

 

 _"Thor,"_ Heimdall's booming, distant voice called to him. _"I send you a visitor."_

"Heimdall," Thor rose to his feet in an instant, and the others watched him glare at the ceiling. "I demand that you permit me into Asgard!"

There was no response, but in another moment a light filled the room, and from the light appeared a female Aesir, holding the tesseract in its traveling device.

She immediately drew her sword, and the Avengers responded likewise, Natasha drawing her pistols, Clint his bow, Steve and Tony at the ready.

"Do not fight each other," Thor intervened. "Please, sheath your blade – they are friends of mine."

The dark-haired Aesir studied Thor and the others carefully, and then did as she was asked. "Warrior friends, I presume?" A smile played on her lips, friendly but dangerous all at once. "Odin was pleased to tell tales of his son, the brave guardian of Midgard."

"And who might you be, exactly?" Tony asked, a bit pissy to have unexpected guests in his house.

"Friends, this is Lady Sif," Thor said, though he did not seem particularly overjoyed to see her, "my [betrothed](http://daefics.tumblr.com/post/30941799528/cut-for-spoilers-in-my-thorki-fanfic-the-dream-of)."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics are ["Howl" by Florence and the Machine.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_uYs7YOZKc) I recommend listening to it because it's VERY relevant, and also because Florence is just amazing.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is revealed.

"I am a _warrior_ ," Sif corrected pointedly.

"And you're betrothed," Steve repeated.

"When I become king of Asgard, she is to be my wife," Thor explained, trying not to meet their eyes. The simple fact that his near-constant smile was gone told volumes about how Thor felt about this.

"I am not here for pleasantries," Sif said. "Heimdall gave word that you had need for an ally in battle. I am only here to try my sword against whatever enemies you face."

"Wonderful," Tony clapped his hands together in a let's-get-down-to-business way. "Except that we aren't fighting anything."

Sif visibly faltered. "You're certain?"

Tony turned a full 360, looking around the room, and then checking the color of Bruce's skin for good measure. "Nope."

"Heimdall's vision is flawless," Sif insisted, becoming flustered at looking like a fool. "He said you were locked in combat."

"Not that we're aware of," Steve said.

"Well, then," Sif quirked her head to the side, and set the tesseract down at the nearest table. "I suppose I _am_ here for pleasantries," she decided, stepping forward to place her hands on Thor's shoulders and press a kiss to his cheek. "How are you, Asa Thor?" she asked, almost jokingly formal as she stepped back again.

"I am well," Thor answered, but of course his other friends knew better than this.

"And your friends," Sif said, turning to them. "Do not introduce me yet." She stepped up to Steve first, briefly looking him over and then smiling at him. "You are the one they call 'Captain', who was frozen in ice. Yes?"

"Yes," Steve blinked, surprised.

Sif smiled and side-stepped to the next. "And you are the archer whose sight rivals that of a hawk," she said, though truth be told it was only his bow and arrows that gave it away.

She side-stepped again, moving on. She glanced at the glow visible through Tony's t-shirt. "You are the man of iron, whose heart is made of metal."

"Not entirely accurate, but okay," Tony said.

"And you must be the shapeshifter," Sif said, looking to Bruce.

"I guess you could call me that," Bruce mumbled.

"And you, of course, are the skilled human warrior," Sif said, ending with Natasha. "I was so pleased to hear word that Thor's team of avenging heroes included a female warrior. What are these weapons you wield?"

"Guns," Natasha said, lifting one and deftly unloading the ammo. She placed the empty gun in Sif's hand, who immediately copied the way Natasha had held it at her when she arrived. Natasha subtly corrected her posture. "They fire metal projectiles at your enemies."

"I like it," Sif's eyes gleamed as she lowered her arm and handed the weapon back to Natasha. "If you'll teach me how to use it, I will instruct you with a sword."

"Sounds like a fair trade," Natasha actually smiled. "Natasha Romanov."

The others introduced themselves as well, and Tony tried to explain what an arc reactor was until Steve clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Your friends are marvelous," Sif said, turning back to Thor with a pleased smile. "It's a shame that there is no battle today. I would love to fight alongside these fine warriors. Do you have training grounds, perhaps? Let us see if I can still best you in combat."

"I am in no mood for friendly combat today," Thor said. "Do you have news of my brother, Loki?"

"Loki?" Sif paused, her eyebrows drawing together in confusion. "I suppose he is healing well enough."

"Healing?" Thor repeated, his voice suddenly loud. He turned to her, demanding her full attention. "Why is he healing?" he questioned, each word gritted out through his teeth, as if fighting to contain his temper.

"I... I apologize, my prince," Sif said, suddenly at a loss. "I thought you already knew -- his execution is not yet carried out."

"No," Thor shook his head as if to shake away her words. "He is sentenced to a thousand years for his crimes against Midgard and Jotunheim, and then he will be released."

"Who told you these lies?"

"They are not lies," Thor said, his voice rising as if saying it louder would make it true. "They come from the All-Father himself."

Sif paled for a moment, eyes blinking and head slightly shaking with disbelief. Then she dropped to one knee, her hand snapping to attention over her heart. "Forgive me, Thor, but Odin has told you falsehoods," she said, all in a rush, her words earnest, pleading with Thor to believe her as his friend. "Loki is not condemned for any crimes against Midgard or Jotunheim. The All-Father has made it clear that those slights mean _nothing_ to him. Odin punishes him for treason. Treason alone."

"Treason?" Thor echoed, disbelieving. "On what counts should he accuse Loki of treason?"

"For trying to take the throne when the All-Father was in Odin-sleep," Sif explained. "For accusations of plotting against Asgard and allowing his people to cross our borders. For disguising himself as Aesir to trick the All-Father."

"But Odin knew from the start that Loki was a frost giant!" Thor protested. Sif merely flinched, and he set his teeth, reminding himself that Sif could change none of this. He began to pace restlessly instead. "And my father intends to execute him?"

"Thor, I swear to you I thought that you knew," Sif said. "We thought the punishment was cruel, but Odin claimed that you yourself approved."

"Why is he healing?" Thor demanded to know. "What else has my father done to him?"

"The execution takes preparation," Sif answered, licking her lips nervously. "He is to be devoured by a beast. They whet it's appetite so it will learn the taste of him. I... I will spare you the details."

" _No_ ," Thor growled. "Loki was not spared. I want to know everything."

"He... he is kept in the dungeons," Sif explained, hesitating with every other word. "The guards come almost weekly. They... eviscerate him. Twice they chose to flay him alive instead. And they return him to his cell, with the treatment of a healer so that he will not be allowed to die."

Thor crumpled to his knees, tears stinging his eyes, as Sif had expected. "How?"

"...With knives, I believe," Sif answered.

"No," Thor wiped his hands over his eyes. "Loki has been here, Sif. He has visited us all many times without leaving his cell, in a dreamlike form. All the while, this was going on, and he never mentioned it. How? How could he have possibly spoken to me so calmly? Or ever smiled? Or laughed?"

"I... I don't know," Sif shook her head, equally astonished. "But as to how he ever appeared before thee, it could only be by Heimdall's permission. Perhaps he meant to let Loki escape."

"But such a thing would be treason as well," Thor frowned.

"It is well known that Heimdall only obeys his conscience," Sif said, offering a small smile.

Thor took a breath. "Have you told me everything? I want to know everything that there is to know."

"You will not like it," Sif warned, but no longer hesitated. "They, of course, bring the flesh to be devoured by the beast. But for many weeks, it would not eat. I heard terrible rumor that they return the spoiled flesh back to Loki's cell as his meal and call it a kindness. There is even worse rumor that he devours this all like a wild animal, but I do not believe that to be true. Hrimyr, a trustworthy guard I have spoken to, says that Loki eats nothing. For many months he has eaten nothing, except he gnaws at his fingers until they bleed. He also says that Loki is a broken spirit – that he sleeps almost endlessly, days upon days, but is always awake and waiting for the butchers to come for their pound of flesh. However horrible this sounds, I am inclined to believe him."

Thor was silent for a while. "Is that all of it?"

"They also say... that he never weeps. However much he screams through his torture, in his cell he never cries. He just sits quietly, or curses the _meinsamr_. Until this morning, that is. The beast finally ate what was given to it... and this morning Loki was gutted again to feed it. He'll be put to death soon."

"Please tell me that's the end of it," Tony said. "I'm seriously going to barf."

"That's all there is to be said," Sif confirmed.

Thor was silent, his head hung.

"What do you want to do, Thor?" Natasha asked, gently broaching the silence. Her words were that of a soldier waiting instruction.

"What can be done?" Thor asked hopelessly, his voice breaking. "It is by the All-Father's decree, it cannot be undone."

"Thor, you are his son, you could plead to him," Sif suggested.

"No," Steve interrupted. "No, _screw_ that. I don't stand for torture. We're taking him back."

 

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I ship Sif/Natasha now. Also Odin/Hannibal Lecter


	15. Chapter 15

It took a little hasty reprogramming from Tony and Bruce, but the tesseract was ready to transport them all back to Asgard, to what would hopefully be a discreet location.

"Everyone has to have their hand on it," Tony reminded, trying to make as much room for everyone else as he could in the tight circle.

"I've only got two fingers on it," Natasha said.

"That's gonna have to do. Just don't let go," Tony said, closing his mask. "Turn it."

Thor and Sif pulled on the device, activating it.

There was a disorienting feeling of being pulled that lasted for long seconds until they finally landed. There was no time to waste – the Avengers stood alert as soon as they landed, and only had time to adjust to their new surroundings because they were lucky enough not to be under attack.

"This is Asgard?" Steve asked.

"Yes," Thor confirmed, a bit breathless to be home again after so long, and for the mission at hand.

"Is everyone here?" Steve asked next, glancing around to do a mental count. "Good. Thor, Sif, you have to lead us. How much resistance can we expect?"

"We can take a fairly simple path through the castle," Sif said. "Thor and I will be able to dismiss many of the guards, but once we reach the dungeon they will guess our intent."

"How many?"

"A dozen."

"Okay," Steve seemed to process this information. "We're going for stealth. Thor and Sif will try to lead us through. Everyone else hangs back until they clear a path. Fight only if necessary, and strike fast. Natasha, Clint, no casualties. Tony, you're in charge of the tesseract – get it prepped to bring us back home. Once we reach Loki, we leave. He'll be wounded, and we might need you for that, Bruce. Do whatever's possible for him once we land. Everyone understood? Move."

 

~~~

 

As Sif predicted, things went smoothly until they reached the dungeons. The humans were dumbfounded while they traveled through the golden halls of the castle. For the first time it really occurred to them that Thor was a prince, that this was the lifestyle he was accustomed to.

He hesitated for a moment after having to knock out one of the guards. "I have known this man since my childhood," he explained, regret evident in his voice. But he moved on.

The dungeons reminded them all what they were there for. That this was no fairytale world. The air had a dry, dark smell to it with a hint of decay. Everything seemed unclean, but from exactly what, it was hard to tell.

They had to take out several guards here, allowing none to escape. Steve punched the men boldly in the faces. Sif caught her victims in a chokehold until they lost consciousness. The two stayed back to keep an eye on the guards while the others rushed forward to find Loki.

So many cells were empty, it was impossible to mistake which one belonged to Loki, and when they arrived, he was already awake, leaning on his hands.

"Thor," Loki said while his brother fumbled to unlock the cell.

"Loki, we've come," Thor said breathlessly, thrusting open the door and going to his brother.

Loki was suddenly on his feet, punching when Thor tried to grab him. His strength was startling, but Thor still managed to quickly grab his wrists, trying to force Loki into submission, but the trickster kept fighting him like a wild animal even as his freshly-healing stomach tore open and began bleeding through his tunic.

"Brother!" Thor shouted, trying to hold Loki's arms down, but the way Loki twisted in his grasp he was terrified that he would accidentally break Loki's bones.

"You shouldn't have come!" Loki snarled. "I told you no!"

"I will not allow him to put you to death! Loki, do not fight me."

"Why shouldn't I die?" Loki questioned, his breath coming in quick gasps.

"Because I love you, Loki," Thor replied, stubborn.

"And you'll be put to death as well!" Loki snapped, fighting against Thor with every bit of his strength, hardly able to breathe. "I wished that you would forget me!"

Thor clamped a hand on Loki's neck, trying to hold him at bay, to keep Loki from attacking him again. "Do you hate me so much to wish such a horrible fate on me? Forgetting you would be worse than death," Thor said.

Loki finally stopped, his muscles trembling with the want to fight or run, but his body losing strength as rapidly as it was losing blood. "If you ever thought I hated you, then you are truly a fool."

"Then you are in love with a fool," Thor answered sadly.

"Thor..." Loki tried to laugh, and then his legs gave up on him. Thor barely managed to catch him in time to keep him from hitting the stone floor.

"Loki?" Thor tilted his brother's head, trying to wake him. He desperately turned back to his friends, who were crowded in the doorway. "He's pale."

"He's going into shock," Bruce forced his way inside, dropping to his knees on the other side of Loki and feeling for his pulse. He grabbed Loki's shirt, ripping it until he could remove it, and glanced at the horrible wound on Loki's stomach for a moment before pressing the balled-up fabric against it and applying pressure.

"Thor, let him down onto the floor," Bruce instructed. "Clint, I need your vest."

Clint stepped into the room, shedding his vest and handing it to Bruce. "Do you want me to elevate his legs?"

" _Yes_ , please," Bruce nodded, adding the vest to the pile of fabric being used to staunch the wound. Clint knelt down and grasped Loki's legs, carefully bending them at the knee to help bring blood flow back.

"Tony, we need the transporter _now_ ," Bruce growled.

"I got it, I got it," Tony said, stepping into the cell.

"It won't work here," Thor interjected. "The cell is warded against all things. We have to move him first."

"Christ, okay, but he can't be moved yet," Bruce exhaled a shaky breath. "He needs to be warmed up. Do you know where there would be a blanket?"

Natasha stepped forward, unsheathing a knife, and slashed off Thor's cape.

"Thanks," Clint said as she handed it down to him, and he and Bruce covered Loki with it.

Bruce checked Loki's pulse again, and took great relief to find that it was stronger now, but still fast.

"Thor, can he heal from this?" Bruce asked.

"Yes," Thor nodded. "The healer has been here to tend to him. If we can pull him through this, he will heal."

"Even with all his insides missing?" Tony asked.

"They will grow back," Thor nodded, his fists clenched. "He has been through this several times already, with much less aid."

"That'd be kind of cool to see," Tony commented. Then he thought about it too long. "Actually... Nope." He stumbled out of the cell and managed to open his mask in time to throw up.

"Iron Man doesn't have much of an iron stomach," Clint commented.

"I do _robots_ , not people! Oh Christ, is that supposed to be a fucking rat? I hope they don't count with the no-casualties rule," Tony muttered, firing a blast at the _meinsamr_ as the scent of fresh blood and vomit attracted them.

Loki inhaled sharply and turned his head, his eyes flickering open.

"Don't move," Bruce urged, laying a hand on Loki's shoulder. "You need to rest."

"And if you move again, you might bleed to death," Clint added.

"I hate all of you," Loki muttered.

"All of us?" Thor repeated, lifting an eyebrow.

Loki whimpered in response.

"Guys, we need to go," Steve said, coming up the hall. "Somebody found out we're here."

"Help me move him," Bruce said. "Gently."

Thor lifted Loki in his arms easily, his heart sinking by how light his brother was, how thinned and pale. He left the dungeon, his friends moving in front of him to cover against any attack. As soon as he felt all the wards lift, Thor sank to his knees again, setting Loki against his chest as carefully as possible.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times," Tony said, holding out the tesseract.

"I must leave you, Thor. I can't be caught in this," Sif said, already backing away down the golden hallway.

Thor nodded but didn't look at her. He lifted one of Loki's hands in his, placing both of them together on the tesseract. He felt Loki breathe against his neck, so real and solid in his arms and resting safely.

"Let's go home," Thor said.

The others laid their hands on the tesseract, and Steve and Clint activated the device.

 

~~~~

 

"How soon will he heal?" Clint asked when they returned. "We need to know when he can physically take food and water again."

Loki was still touch-and-go. As soon as they returned to the tower, Bruce properly dressed the wound as well as he could, undressed him and had him wrapped in clean, warm linens and put into bed. Thor's bed, of course – the god would allow no other alternative, and Bruce hardly cared to argue. He had to be kept warm, and in bed, and checked on periodically. Once he could physically eat again, they had to treat him for starvation. His body had already started eating itself, breaking away fat and vital muscle, and there wasn't much to spare.

"His magic is freed," Thor answered. "All of it will work to heal him, as well as the healer's treatment. He will repaired by tomorrow." He laid a hand on Loki's head. "Brother, you will have a feast tomorrow, of everything you desire," he promised.

"No," Bruce shook his head and grabbed Thor's arm to seize his attention. "God, no. He has to be fed carefully, Thor. I... Honestly, I know that he's different from humans – a human would be dead by now, several times over. But when a human is starved this long, they can't just eat all at once. They can die that way. I'm not going to risk that, okay?"

"Do you know how to treat him?"

"Yes," Bruce nodded. "Between Clint and I, we know what to do."

"Is there anything at all I can do to help?" Thor asked, his eyes pleading.

"Stay with him," Bruce said. "He needs to stay warm, and he needs to rest. If he wakes up, keep him calm and don't let him get up or exert himself."

"I can do as you say," Thor nodded, solemn.

"And when he says he's thirsty, get one of us," Clint added. "That has to be done carefully, too."

"Yes," Thor nodded again. He went to his knees by the side of the bed, grasping Loki's hand where it lay underneath the blankets. "Thank you, my friends. I can never repay you."

"It's not a debt," Clint said. "But taking laundry duty for me sometime would be great."

Bruce punched him in the arm, and then pushed him out the door, saying polite words to Thor before he left them alone.

For hours, Thor knelt beside his brother, occasionally whispering sweet words to him. There was so much he wanted to say – so much anger he held toward his own father – but he did not want any of this to disturb Loki in his sleep.

"I'm so sorry, my love. I will never let you be away from me again," Thor promised over and over again, laying his forehead atop their hands.

He asleep this way, and woke again with aching knees. Finally he stood up and carefully climbed into the other side of his bed. For once he only dared take a small space for himself, leaving the rest for Loki. But he couldn't help but be selfish – he pressed himself close to Loki's side, covering him gently with his arms, intent on never letting go, and let his tears fall into Loki's soft, dark hair.

 

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two in one day. Now I gotta go try to write more. ;A;


	16. Chapter 16

Thor woke up at an odd hour to the realization that Loki was trying to escape from his arms.

"Loki, no," Thor sat up and grabbed Loki's shoulders, pulling him back. Loki felt more fragile than ever under his hands, but still he squirmed and clawed and fought. Thor had to tighten his grip to keep Loki from slipping away, and felt a pang of guilt to know that his hands would probably leave bruises on Loki's abused skin. 

"Please stop fighting, brother, you are safe here," Thor pleaded. He was half tempted to just let Loki go, but if he ran Thor would have to catch him, and that would be worse on both of them.

"You're smothering me!" Loki cried, his voice weak but somehow still vitriolic.

"Brother, you must lie still," Thor urged. "You do not have the strength to spare. Tell me what to do for you and I shall, bu you cannot exert yourself. Please, Loki!"

For a long while, Loki still struggled, his muscles shaking with the slightest effort. Finally he let his head fall back onto the pillow, his dark hair sticking to his face with sweat. He panted, his chest heaving with every breath, the muscles in his neck tense. "It's too hot." He kicked idly at the blankets trapped around his body, trying to remove them. Half had fallen off the bed already, but the rest were tangled around him in layers.

Thor frowned, wiping hair away from his brother's forehead. "Banner said it was vital to keep you warm."

"Thor... I am a _frost giant_ ," Loki said, scrunching his face at Thor in his 'are you stupid?' expression. "The covers are too hot."

Loki kicked lazily again, but Thor obeyed, untangling Loki from the blankets. Thor felt his face burn hot with embarrassment, remembering all too late that Loki was naked beneath the layers.

"Thank you," Loki mumbled, sighing with relief and falling asleep again almost instantly.

Thor averted his eyes from Loki's body, refusing to betray his brother's trust. Now was not the time to remember his desire – not when Loki was still covered in his own blood and healing from terrible wounds. Not when his pale, thin body was still bony and tortured from hunger.

Thor buried his head against Loki's shoulder and tried to sleep, but could not.

Many long, aching moments later, Loki woke again with a shiver.

"I'm cold."

Thor snorted with amusement and got out of bed. He found a blanket that was not soiled with blood and returned to bed, covering Loki with it and settling beside him again.

"Maybe one more," Loki said after a minute, still shivering.

Thor got up again and added another blanket, this time tucking it carefully around his brother. Loki shifted under the blankets, trying to make himself comfortable, and whimpered involuntarily.

"Are you in pain?" Thor asked, his voice gentle.

"No," Loki lied. "Just hold me, please."

Thor acceded to this, sliding into bed once again and placing his arms around Loki. He was frustrated when, only moments later, Loki pushed him away again with weak but needling fingers. But instead of wanting him to leave, Loki lifted the sheets and slid closer to Thor with a great effort, his bare skin sliding and pressing against Thor's in ways that left the golden-haired Aesir breathless. Thor covered them both under the blankets, and Loki laid his head close to Thor's chest.

"I do not hate you," Loki whispered.

"I know." Thor brought up one hand to stroke through Loki's hair. "I was only being foolish and fearful in letting myself believe otherwise. I know better now."

"But you still believed it," Loki sighed, splaying a hand across Thor's chest and absently stroking the golden skin. "I will have to prove to you that I love you, until you are beyond all doubt."

"You do not have to prove yourself to me," Thor said, an earnest promise. "Rest. You will need your strength."

 

~~~

 

Bruce found Thor after breakfast and spoke to him for a moment. He needed to check on Loki's progress, Bruce explained, and begin treating him as soon as possible.

Loki was still sleeping when they entered the room. Bruce sat on the edge of the bed and spoke to Loki until he woke.

"Hey," Bruce said gently. "I'm going to check how you're healing. Is that okay?"

Loki gave the barest of nods. It was more than Bruce had even expected, frankly. Loki blinked heavily for a moment, making a valiant effort to stay awake, and then his eyes fluttered shut again.

Bruce pulled the blankets away, folding them neatly at Loki's slim hips. He took a moment just to look, only ghosting his hands over Loki's abdomen. It was amazing. The horrible wound was already closed, and Bruce could tell that there was solid, flawless flesh underneath the dried blood.

"Loki," Bruce said, and repeated his name until green eyes focused on him again. "I need to figure out how you're doing on the inside. All I'm going to do is feel your stomach with my hands. You need to let me know if anything hurts."

For the next few minutes, Bruce tested every inch of Loki's abdomen, pressing his fingers and palms gently and firmly against the flesh, feeling for the organs underneath, watching Loki for any reaction. 

He found a few tender spots, and continued to assess these until he determined that they were sore but not a risk. Finally, Bruce satisfied himself that there was no internal bleeding, and that Loki had adequately healed.

"Congratulations," Bruce said, pulling the covers over Loki again to soothe his shivering. "You're the proud owner of a new stomach. Are you thirsty?"

Loki nodded, his lips parting instinctively.

"Help him sit up," Bruce said to Thor, sliding off the bed. "I'll get the water."

Thor nodded and took Bruce's place on the side of bed, scooting up further until he could lift Loki and settle him against his chest.

Bruce returned with a glass of water that had been sweetened with sugar, and let Loki drink. He swallowed too quickly, twitching with sudden eager need. He tipped his head to get more water all at once, and succeeded in spilling it all over himself.

"Easy," Bruce warned, pulling the glass back. Loki whined. "You'll get all of it, I promise. You have to go slow, though."

It was impossible for Loki to hold off, however. Every sip he was allowed was urgent, his thirst reawakened and painful now. He spilled more of the water than he drank, and Bruce had to keep pulling the glass away every few seconds to force Loki to slow down.

Far too soon, the glass was empty. Loki tried to grab it for more, angry for the loss.

"I know," Bruce murmured, gently prying Loki's red fingers away and setting his hand down. "Why are his fingers still wounded?

"I could not pretend to know," Thor answered. He wound an arm around Loki, stroking his throat with comforting motions. "Perhaps his magic could only focus on the worst injuries."

"I'm thirsty," Loki snipped, staring at the empty glass.

"I know," Bruce frowned. "You can have more soon, I promise. Um, Thor... how about in the meantime you help him get cleaned up? You know how to draw a bath, right?"

"Aye," Thor nodded, and pressed a kiss to the back of Loki's head. "I will take care of you, little one."

 

~~~

 

The tub was big enough for both of them, so Thor saw no reason _not_ to join Loki in the bath. It would be easier this way, Thor reasoned, but he knew his intentions were far from pure. He removed his shirt, but elected to keep wearing a pair of jeans. The wet denim was a fair price to pay to keep himself chaste. When the tub was full with hot water and bubbles, he retrieved Loki, scooping him up into his arms. Thor stepped into the water this way, and settled himself down until he was resting in the tub with Loki cradled against his chest.

Thor took a generous amount of time to clean Loki. He gently washed every bit of him, from between his toes to behind his ears, until Loki's pale skin was pink with heat. Last he worked shampoo into Loki's hair – some of Natasha's brand that had a sweet, honey scent. By the time he was done massaging and rinsing, Loki was nearly purring in content. 

The hardest part was for Thor to get them both out and dried off. He wrapped Loki in a towel and carried him back to bed, neatly arranging Loki into his warm blankets again before he stripped off his wet, uncomfortable jeans, and changed his clothes.

Bruce and Thor let Loki sleep for a while, and then woke him to give him more water. Again he drank greedily, trying to tilt the glass and take more than he could possibly handle, swallowing too quickly. Every other hour, Bruce returned to give more of the water. Loki slept between visits, but never seemed to truly be woken from his sleep when they roused him for another drink.

 

"Dinner time," Clint said gently to Thor, so as not to wake Loki.

"Thank you, but I will not be joining you tonight," Thor answered, refusing to move from his spot at Loki's side.

"Come on, big guy, you haven't eaten all day," Clint said.

"And Loki has not eaten for months," Thor answered. "I will not eat if my brother cannot."

"Thor, if it were as simple as shoving his face full of meatloaf, I'd be doing that," Clint said. "You know that, right?"

Thor remained stubbornly silent, but his face betrayed emotion.

"I'll move him up from water," Clint offered. "The next step is milk. But I'll have to go get something first, because he's been having such a hard time drinking."

"Get what?" Thor frowned, worried about what was in store for his brother.

"Just a different type of cup," Clint said. "But you have to promise to eat, too. So come on."

Thor stared at Loki, and brushed his brother's dark hair behind his ear, then got up.

"Thank you, friend," Thor murmured.

 

~~~

 

Thor was late to the meal, finding himself accompanied by only Bruce and Natasha, who chatted idly over empty plates. Clint went to the store to procure a few items for Loki – items that he and Bruce had evidently discussed beforehand.

He was grateful to have caring friends, but Thor still could not bring himself to eat. He picked at his food, making an attempt to clear his plate, but when his appetite was completely gone, more than half of his meal still remained.

"Where are the others?" Thor asked, dropping the pretense of interest in his food.

"In the training room, I think," Natasha said. "You should go get some licks in, maybe. Before Cap destroys all of the punching bags for the week."

Hitting something felt like a fantastic idea. Thor cleared his plate into the trash, pushing aside the guilt that he felt in doing so, and went to pay the training room a visit.

"Hey," Tony called, a little too eagerly, as soon as he saw Thor. He took out his mouth guard, his face running with sweat. "Steve and I needed to talk to you," Tony said, a little breathlessly, but immediately went for his water bottle and left Steve to explain.

"What is it?" Thor questioned.

Steve dropped his fighting stance, reluctant to stop his training. He politely said nothing about the fact that while Tony looked positively beaten, Steve himself was barely breaking a sweat.

"How is Loki doing?" Steve asked first.

"He is sleeping," Thor answered. Steve nodded thoughtfully. "Tell me what you wish to say."

"Tony and I spoke to Fury this morning," Steve said. "He knows everything about Loki now. That's he here under our care, and why."

Steve's words were spoken so plainly, so innocently, but Thor felt his heart sink to his knees. "And what do they intend for him now?"

"Nothing," Steve frowned, shaking his head emphatically.

"I do not think you a liar, my friend, but I fear your answer is untrue," Thor said. "I have seen the methods that S.H.I.E.L.D. has to fight and contain my brother. They would not hesitate to use them. You yourself told me they consider him a villain."

"They do," Tony said, "but even hard-asses like Fury consider ritualistic disembowelment and attempted forced self-cannibalization to be a kinda fucked up punishment." He paused to wipe the sweat from his face. "As long as he behaves, nothing will happen, Thor. He's got the abusive childhood defense going on at the moment, thanks to your psycho father – no offense. Fury's not entirely happy, of course, but I vouched for him, I'm taking responsibility. I said he won't cause any trouble, and I get to choose who I invite into my damn house. If Loki turns his back on us, I'm going to get replaced by a kid who shoots spider webs out of his ass."

"Starkson, please allow me to take responsibility instead," Thor beseeched. "Loki is my burden alone."

"It's already done," Tony lifted a hand, refusing. "And he's not a burden. I'm seeing this as a great opportunity. Fury won't admit it, but he's secretly drooling at the idea of having Loki on the team. And even if he won't fight for us, if he just sticks around as your beau, he could still help with a lot. His magic parallels science in a lot of fascinating ways."

"Loki could be redeemed," Thor surmised, mostly speaking out loud to himself. "But what punishment would S.H.I.E.L.D have him endure for his crimes?"

"Thor, he won't be punished," Steve said, confused. "We told Fury about what was going on in Asgard. He figures that's punishment enough. What your father did, Thor... we don't do that kind of thing here. To anyone." Steve studied the odd expression on Thor's face for a while, his heart sinking. "I get the feeling that you're familiar with your father's... severe forms of punishment. Why didn't you ever stand up to him?"

"Because no one has ever dared call the All-Father's judgment wrong," Thor answered. "None aside from Loki, who always suffered greatly just for his words. I see now that Loki was the braver one. He spoke his mind. He tried to leave Asgard behind. And when he was forced to face his fate, he did. If I challenged my father, it would either be to the death, or I would never be able to return home again. But Asgard is no longer my home. The one thing I was always certain of is undone. I no longer know where I stand. In that, Loki and I are the same now."

"You have us," Tony said. "Earth is your home now. The Avengers are your family. Both of you."

"Do you truly mean that?" Thor asked, doubtful. "We are not even human."

"I learned a long time ago that family is what you make it," Tony said. "Let's face it – if we went by blood relatives, we'd all be a pretty fucking sad bunch. These days, family is who you love. We're family, here. ...One big, demented family."

For the first time in days, a smile came back to Thor's face. He clasped Tony in a tight, rib-crushing hug. "I love you as well, Starkson," Thor declared.

Tony responded by patting Thor on the shoulder patronizingly, and looked over Thor's shoulder to Steve, seeking support. Instead, he had to sigh.

"Come on, Steve," he waved the other Avenger in for a group hug. "Stop crying."

 

x


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol Clint water u doin?

"Got the goodies," Clint said, lifting up the bags in his hands. He set them on the table and let Bruce pour through his purchases.

"Good, good," Bruce appraised, inspecting the labels on the vitamins. "He'll need four of these a day, and two... actually, three of these. And this one... " Bruce paused, realizing the small balancing act they'd entered. "That's already eight tablets... We should have thought this through."

"Way ahead of you." Clint scrounged through a bag and pulled out a little plastic container that had compartments for each day of the week. "Organization~" he sang.

"God, I love you," Bruce smiled. "I owe you some bread crumbs."

"Caw caw!" Clint opened his mouth like a baby bird.

Bruce mimed tossing breadcrumbs, and Clint pretended to catch the pieces in his mouth.

"What are these?" Thor leaned on the table, watching them sort through he bags. "Medicine?"

"Vitamins," Bruce said. "They're essentially all the good stuff you need from food. Loki needs an extra boost, since his diet has been... nonexistent."

"Milk," Clint explained unnecessarily as Thor pawed through one bag. The god of thunder nodded and reached to peer into another bag, only to have it snatched away.

"Nope!" Clint said, shoving the bag far from prying eyes. "That one is for Natasha. Ahem."

Bruce coughed. "Is this yours too?" he asked, holding up a baby bottle. "Is there something you need to tell us?"

"No, that's for the milk," Clint said. "Damn near spill proof."

"Oh. Okay, this is actually genius," Bruce said.

"Duh."

Bruce mimed tossing breadcrumbs again. Clint fluttered his hands appreciatively. He took the bottle when Bruce handed it to him.

"I'll show you how to do this," Clint said to Thor as he unscrewed the top. "It's real simple."

Thor nodded and followed Clint, watching as he was instructed on how to rinse it out, fill it to a certain amount, sweeten it with sugar, and then secure the lid.

"He can have one of these about every two hours," Clint handed the bottle to Thor. "You can put water in it, too. Add the sugar the same way. When he gets his strength back or wants more food, let us know."

"Surely this won't satisfy his hunger," Thor said, holding the bottle between his palms. It seemed so small to him, and it wasn't even full with milk.

"Actually, you shouldn't be surprised if he doesn't finish that," Bruce said. "He physically can't handle too much food right now. For a while, he probably won't be able to eat much before he feels full. Which makes it difficult when his appetite kicks in."

"Thank you, my friends," Thor said. He felt he would never stop owing them all thanks.

Thor returned to his room for the night. He undressed, changing into a pair of soft shorts to sleep in, and then sat near Loki on the bed.

"Wake up, little one," Thor murmured, nudging at Loki's side. He tested the bottle, squeezing a few drops of sweet milk from the rubber teat. He rubbed these few white drops against Loki's lips, trying to encourage him to wake. At long last, Loki's lips parted, his tongue poking out to lick away the drops.

"I will feed you bit by bit if I must," Thor threatened gently. He smiled when Loki's green eyes opened, and placed a strong arm under Loki's shoulders to lift him up.

"You must eat," Thor reminded him, settling Loki against his own body and bringing the bottle to his brothers lips. He was grateful that Loki still felt some sort of thirst, and did not refuse the teat.

Thor discovered that he could hold the bottle high without spilling, and let Loki take his fill. "Calm, brother," he murmured, stroking his free hand against Loki's throat. Loki tried to suck hard from the bottle, and Thor was forced to pull it away, a few errant drops spilling over Loki's chin.

"Pace yourself," Thor mumbled, leaning over Loki to kiss away the white drops before they could drip. Loki whined softly and sighed, only truly half awake. Thor missed his brother's clever remarks, but in a way he also enjoyed Loki like this, warm and sleepy in his arms and full of need. After everything Loki had endured, he deserved his rest.

"You'll get your fill," Thor promised, returning the bottle to Loki's mouth. "Take all that you desire, darling. Slowly," he reminded.

To Thor's great joy, Loki took all of it, and kept fussing for more.

"I will give you more," Thor said, setting the empty bottle far away from Loki's reach, "but we must wait a while."

Loki sighed and curled against Thor, his fingers clawing his brother's chest idly, like a cat. "A while, a minute, a century," he murmured.

"No," Thor pressed a kiss into Loki's honey-sweet hair. "Only half an hour more."

He brushed his fingers over Loki's lips, cleaning away a wetness that might have only been imaginary. Loki's lips parted, catching Thor's finger between his blunt teeth and his slick tongue.

"Ahh. That isn't fair," Thor complained, but could not bring himself to pull away. Rather than Loki being wicked, as he immediately suspected, Loki seemed hungry for the salt on his fingertips. 

Thor calmed himself and focused on Loki's comfort only, allowing his fingers to be suckled on because it seemed to put Loki's hunger to ease. When the time had passed, Thor eased himself away to refill the bottle and then resumed the feeding. He ran his free hand over the length of Loki's side and back again while his brother drank his fill.

This time Loki did not finish, turning his head away to show that he was finished.

Thor conceded without arguing, putting the bottle aside and allowing Loki to lie down fully. He kissed Loki's soft lips, licking away the traces of sweetened milk.

He took a moment to carefully arrange the blankets around Loki, and then pulled his brother close and fell asleep with Loki in his arms.

 

~~~

 

When morning came, Thor experienced the joy of waking up alongside his beloved. He smoothed Loki's bed-mussed hair with affection, and placed light kisses all over Loki's head, smiling when the trickster made small fussing noises in his sleep. This was an experience that Thor could enjoy the rest of his life and never grow tired of.

Thor brought Loki more milk before he had his own breakfast. If Loki had gone without anything for so long, Thor knew he could wait for one meal.

It took a slow eternity to get through this one feeding. Loki was so exhausted, Thor sometimes doubted that he was even awake enough to eat, but slowly and surely the milk was drained. This slumber reminded him of Odinsleep, and Thor fervently hoped that the similarity meant that Loki's energy was spent healing himself, and that he would be well soon.

At long last, the bottle was empty. Thor tucked Loki into warm blankets, and lingered for a moment to hold his hand. He wondered what it was that Loki dreamed about now that he was here, safe and sound.

"I will return soon, my sweet," Thor said, squeezing Loki's hand before he left.

Thor trained with Steve for a while, then returned to feed Loki again. Only then did he sit down and eat a few poptarts for his own breakfast.

As they took shifts for daily patrol, Bruce and Clint also sat in to give Loki his regular doses of milk or water. Thor returned in the evening with Bruce and Natasha to find Clint heating something in the new microwave.

"Hey," Clint said. "He's awake. And bitchy as hell. I think that's a good sign, right?"

Thor went to see Loki immediately. He found his brother still curled in bed, but his eyes were open and alert now.

"Are you feeling well?" Thor questioned, kneeling at the side of the bed.

"Hungry," Loki grumbled. He tried to sit up, pushing himself up on trembling arms.

"Don't exert yourself, please," Thor leaned over to distract Loki with a kiss, pleased when Loki pressed back against him. "Rest," Thor said, laying a hand on Loki's shoulder to urge him down again.

"I'm tired of resting," Loki complained.

"You'll be strong again soon enough," Thor assured him. "Let me take care of you for now."

"Instant oatmeal," Clint announced, bringing in a small bowl. "I took the liberty of adding real fruit." He set the bowl on the bed next to Loki. "I know it looks like paste, but it's actually decent. Otherwise, you can have toast."

"Thank you," Loki said. Clint nodded and took that as his cue to leave.

Thor grasped the bowl and spoon, lifting a bit of the goopy food. "Try," he encouraged, bringing the spoon to Loki's mouth expectantly.

Loki twisted his face into a grimace. "I can feed myself," he grumbled, turning his head.

Thor frowned, dropping the spoon back into the bowl. "Why should it bother you?"

Loki's eyes were dark. "Starkson laughed. The bottle... is for human infants. I rather hate you," Loki mumbled. "All of you."

"You have too much pride," Thor chided softly. "It was a simple thing, and nothing more. You're still too weak to be so stubborn." But he knew his brother well, and knew that he could do little to stop Loki completely – at best he could keep Loki from exhausting himself, and catch him if he fell, metaphorically or otherwise. And he knew the dark, brooding look in Loki's eyes, and the glimmers of a smirk as mischief ran through Loki's mind. "Please be easy on the son of Stark," he said. "He means little in his jests, and spoke highly in your favor. And you should not use your magic yet."

"May I feed myself, at least?" Loki asked impatiently.

Thor nodded, defeated, and pushed the bowl closer to Loki. The trickster pushed his palms against the mattress, trying to lift himself, and sighed.

"Help me sit up," he requested, his voice softer, realizing his limitations.

Thor lifted him effortlessly and settled Loki at the head of the bed where he could lean against the wall. Loki drew in feet, folding his legs neatly while Thor wrapped him again in warm blankets and tucked pillows behind him, making him comfortable. Loki kept his eyes lowered, ashamed to receive so much care and attention, and finally began picking at the oatmeal.

His sense of shame, or pride – whichever one had him so reserved – crumbled away with the taste of real food. Loki devoured his small portion, and the next that Thor brought to him. The third was too much, however – the weight of the food in his stomach was unsettling after so long. But even then, Loki began chewing at his own fingers, not noticing this new habit until Thor gently pulled his hands away and kissed the tormented skin.

"I don't want you to fear anything again," Thor said, clasping Loki's hands in his, hoping to warm the cold skin, and soothe his brother's fretful heart. "Asgard is no longer our home. Leave all the horrors behind you; we will never return."

"Thor," Loki said, placing some confused emphasis in his brother's name. "You will become king."

"No. Not anymore. I don't want it. May the kingdom fall to ruin. I will not associate myself with such a wretched place. Our love could be accepted here, Loki. We could call Midgard our home. Starkson says that here there is no shame in a man sharing his love and his body with the one he loves, even if it is another man. And he says that family can be those you choose to love, and that we are all family here."

Loki blinked, trying to keep traitorous tears from forming. "But what will you do here? Thor, you were born to be a king in Asgard. Here you only one warrior among many. Your destiny will be uncertain. What in Helheim do you expect to do?"

"I don't know," Thor said. He laughed, awkward and nervous but happy. "I have no idea what my destiny holds now. I suppose it will be whatever I make of it. I will not leave your side again, Loki. I would even fall with you into that terribly abyss. Wherever my place is in all the Nine Realms, I know that I only want to be forever at your side."

"Thor..." with a great effort, Loki launched himself into Thor's arms, falling against him and clinging madly to his shoulders, more out of desperation not to fall over than as a successful embrace. Thor made up the difference, wrapping Loki into his strong arms and supporting his weight. "I will follow you anywhere to stay at your side. But I'd rather if you didn't lead me into an abyss. It wasn't an experience I'm eager to repeat."

Thor chuckled and pressed kisses across Loki's head – against his temple, the sharp line of his jaw, his cheek, his brow, the bridge of his nose, and finally a kiss on his lips, which Loki tried to deepen, and whined in his throat when Thor pulled away.

"The others will be having dinner soon," Thor said, brushing dark strand of hair away from Loki's face. "Would you like to join us?"

"I don't think I could walk," Loki admitted, biting his lip. "I'm not hungry anymore anyway."

"Neither of those things matter," Thor said. "You could still join us. I want you to be in every part of my life."

Loki bit the heel of his hand in an unsuccessful attempt to hide his smile, and nodded his assent.

Thor helped him dress, admiring the way Loki looked as he sat on the edge of the bed with jeans that just barely fit, his slim fingers working on buttoning one of Thor's nicer shirts, which was far too large for Loki's slender frame.

"Okay," Loki said, lifting a hand out to Thor when he was ready.

Thor did not help him up, however – he scooped Loki up into his arms instead and carried him out.

 

x


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooo sorry I disappeared off the face of the earth! Honestly, I thought I would have enough time to finish a chapter and post it before my internet was shut off. Folks following me on tumblr knew that I moved and such, but I didn't get the chance to drop a note in here about it. But I'm back now and my internet is up! More apples! Let's celebrate with porn. :D
> 
> P.S. There might be a lot of typos and weird errors. I didn't really proof read this.

"Hey, he's up," Tony said, surprised when he saw Loki. "Sort of," he amended while Thor set Loki down in a chair.

Bruce set down a bowl of mashed potatoes and went to Loki's side. "Feeling okay?" he asked.

"Yes," Loki said.

"Can I?" Bruce asked, his hands politely hesitating at Loki's wrists. Loki consented, stretching out his pale arm to Bruce's touch. He had to tug up the long sleeves of his oversized shirt. Bruce laid two fingers on in the inside of Loki's wrist. "Good," he said after a moment. "Your pulse is strong."

"He has a firey spirit, but his body is still weak," Thor said.

"That's to be expected. When the body starves, it starts to break down muscle," Bruce said. "Being confined in a cell doesn't help, either. But he'll be fine. I hadn't even expected him to be up for a few more days. Hungry?"

"No," Loki said, frowning slightly.

"He already had oatmeal," Clint said, placing more plates of food on the table. 

"Okay," Bruce agreed, relenting. "But I'll get you some water."

The table was set for the others, and they piled their plates with food. Bruce brought Loki a glass of water and a handful of small pills.

"Vitamins," he explained. "They're good for you."

Loki delicately plucked each tablet and capsule up, dropped them into his mouth at once, and swallowed them with a gulp of water.

"No bottle tonight?" Tony teased. When he went to take a sip of his own drink, Loki waved his fingers and the liquid froze before it reached Tony's lips.

"Fuck!" Tony stared at the frozen drink and then shook the glass while Clint burst into laughter. "This is 80 proof Scotch," he said. "How the hell did you do that?"

"He's giving you the cold shoulder," Natasha quipped.

Loki hid a smile by taking another sip of his drink, feigning complete disinterest in Tony's floundering. 

"Look at this! Just look at this!" Tony said, turning the glass up-side down and shaking it. "That's vintage _Scotch_ , just all frozen and helpless and not in my mouth," he complained.

"My apologies," Loki murmured, giving Tony a rueful look. " _Varmr_ ," he said, and instantly the frozen drink became liquid and splashed onto the side of the table and all over Tony's clothes.

Clint fell over laughing.

"My Scotch..." Tony felt his heart break.

"Perhaps you should use a bottle," Loki said, resting his elbows on the table.

Tony just groaned and went to get a towel to mop up what he could. "We're even now," he said when he sat down again. "Okay?"

"For now," Loki agreed, a smile playing across his lips.

A matching smirk from Tony showed that the inventor was on par with Loki's thoughts.

"Brother, you must try this," Thor said, cutting into his chicken and stabbing a small piece with his fork. "It is truly a food of the gods."

Loki plucked the bit of meat from Thor's fork and ate it with dainty bites. He said nothing, but stole another small bite later. Thor noticed this and cut his chicken into fine pieces, pretending not to notice how Loki occasionally stole yet another morsel.

"What do you call the spice upon this?" Thor asked, holding up another piece of chicken at Clint.

"It's Mrs. Dash," Clint answered.

"It like it," Thor said emphatically, and continued shoveling his food. He carefully pushed a few bits of food to the edge of his plate nearest to Loki, making a small pile of meat and vegetables for his beloved to have. But Loki noticed this, and stopped picking at Thor's plate.

"Brother, please," Thor said after a moment. "Eat your fill. I will bring you your own plate if you wish."

"I'm not hungry," Loki answered mildly.

"Such blatant lies offend me," Thor scoffed. "Even if you had not been starved so many days, I know well that you are always hungry. You may be the smallest giant the realms have ever known, but your appetite is greater than any two in Jotunheim. I know what you will eat."

Thor got up and went to the kitchen, rummaging through the cupboards and freezer to prepare something.

Loki stole another bit of chicken from his brother's plate.

Thor finally returned with a bowl that was heaped with chocolate ice cream. He set it before Loki and took his seat once again.

"It is frozen cream," Thor told him. "Cold and sweet, like you."

No one said anything more about it, leaving Loki to try it on his own. After one spoonful, Loki held the bowl nearly on its side and ate with barely-controlled lust.

"So, I'm working on new armor for you," Tony said to Thor, trying to strike conversation. "But the lack of tech is _killing_ me. So I'm thinking, I _have_ to at least add some passive stuff. Like a GPS unit or something."

"I like the idea," Clint said, "but I think you're forgetting that part of Thor's skillset involves channeling _lightning_."

"Loki, are you okay?" Natasha asked.

He paused, spoon in his mouth, giving her a puzzled look. 

"Your tongue is blue," Natasha said.

The spoon fell to the table with a clatter, and Loki covered his mouth with one hand.

"Thor!" Loki accused, glaring at his brother. 

"I did not know it would affect you!" Thor protested. "The cold never did before."

"But it does now," Loki lamented.

"Let me see," Thor said.

"No," Loki refused.

"What of the winter?" Thor questioned. "I am told that snow falls here once every year, and the cold rivals that of Jotunheim."

"Yep," Tony confirmed. "We get a few feet of snow and it's cold as tits."

"He's exaggerating," Bruce cut in. "New York only gets a few inches, and the temperature isn't as bad as it could be."

"But it's still cold as tits," Tony repeated.

Loki plunked his head down onto the table.

"Loki," Thor frowned, placing his hands on his beloved's shoulder. "Loki, please. It's nothing to be ashamed about. Blue is a lovely color."

"I hate you," Loki grumbled.

"But I love you," Thor said. "Even if your skin stays blue until spring. Even if it turns blue forever."

"And if my eyes burn red and horns spring from my head and I begin to grow as tall as a tree?"

"Yes, even if all these things happen," Thor promised, placing a kiss on Loki's lowered head. "But I do not think you could grow as tall as any tree, unless it was a bush." He chuckled when Loki ineffectually tried to punch him in the chest.

"Hey, at least I wouldn't be the only monster of color," Bruce said, offering a smile.

"I do not think you are a monster," Loki said, delicately dropping his hand as he spoke, the tip of an azure tongue poking out to moisten faintly tinted lips. "And I like green."

"Well I like blue," Bruce said, earning a small smile from Loki before he pressed his lips together, still trying to hide them.

"Watch out, Thor, Bruce is gonna steal your man," Tony joked.

"He would have to fight me for his hand," Thor answered, grinning in challenge.

"Then I hope you love me with one less hand," Loki frowned.

"You do not think I would win?" Thor asked, surprised.

"I think there is more to fighting than brute strength," Loki answered. "Except for where you and Bruce's monster are concerned. And in brute strength, the hulking thing beats you by far."

"But despite that, I would certainly win if you were the prize," Thor said, placing a kiss beside Loki's ear, in the delicate crease between his jaw and his throat. "I desire you more than anyone else."

"Love birds," Clint accused.

Loki avoided the bright eyes on him, ignored the cooing, kindhearted teasing about displays of affection. He finished his ice cream while waiting for the others to turn to other topics of conversation, focusing on how the cold treat felt against his tongue, but his blood felt heated. When he had no more distraction, he noticed that the team was still discussing who would win in a fight – Hulk or Thor.

"Thor has lightning," Bruce said, too humble to argue on his own behalf.

"But the Hulk is a walking ton of muscle," Clint said. "He's a juggernaut. Lightning is probably static shock to him."

"Loki made a fair point, though – brute strength isn't everything in fighting," Bruce said. "The other guy isn't exactly the intellectual type. He could be outwitted."

Loki bit back the urge to point out that Thor had never been renowned for his wits. "I'm tired," he said instead, his tone very soft, which caused Thor to take notice all the more.

Thor cleaned both their places, taking dishes to the sink and rinsing them thoroughly before returning to bid his friends goodnight. Others were also following his example and cleaning their places, paying last compliments about the meal. 

Tony rattled off a reminder about night patrol, and who Natasha and Clint should contact if anything dire happened.

None of this pertained to Thor – his priorities were with Loki, and nothing short of a Skrull invasion would be cause to call him away from Loki's side. At least not until sunrise.

Thor scooped Loki into his arms with little effort and carried him back to their shared room. He set his brother on the bed, helping him sit upright with one bracing arm while his free hand stripped Loki of his shirt. Those pale planes of lean flesh were so exquisite yet seemed so frail that with every breath Thor was afraid that he might crack apart. Loki seemed like a finely crafted doll, his skin made of porcelain, his body delicate and without the strength to move on its own.

As much as he hated to have Loki's health at risk, there was something so lovely about having Loki subdued beneath his touch. He was free to touch and handle Loki as he liked. It was pleasing in a way to be so intimately responsible for his care, to have the privilege to feed him and carry him and undress him.

Loki was so much thinner now in unhealthy ways. His eyes were weary and restless all at once, and his skin was still raw in places, especially around his fingertips. Despite these changes, Thor still saw Loki as a wild, radiant beauty – difficult to capture, impossible to tame. When a healthy glow returned to him, and his muscles filled out, and his eyes sparkled with mischief again, then Loki would be breathtaking.

Thor leaned forward to press a kiss against Loki's hair, his hands moving down to remove the one flaw on Loki – the trousers trapping long, luscious legs from his view and touch. Legs and other things.

"Close the door," Loki grumbled, his words alone stopping Thor's hands at his jeans. The big oaf was so thoughtless, trying to strip him nude while the whole world could be watching.

Thor smiled and would have teased Loki about his maidenly modesty, but now was not the time for that. He rose and shut the door without a word.

Thor returned to stand between Loki's splayed legs – his brother always sat with his knees spread so far apart, like a lewd invitation. It never felt so right to stand so close to someone – he could imagine Loki's legs wrapped around him, and how their bodies would surely fit together perfectly for coupling.

"Thor..." Loki whispered as his brother's hands went to his jeans again, his touches lingering in strange ways.

"I am sorry," Thor answered, bowing his head and pressing his forehead against Loki's. "My thoughts are far from pure."

"You, the noble prince, with unclean thoughts?" Loki teased with mock scandal in his voice. He covered Thor's hands with his own before his brother took offense, or worse – pulled away. "You are not the only one with impure thoughts. Tell me yours. If you love me, then share all of your thoughts with me, all of your desires."

Thor shook his head lightly, struggling against temptation. "No, Loki."

"Don't be afraid," Loki coaxed. "Are you afraid because I'd give you whatever you wanted? Make even your darkest dreams come true?"

"Please, Loki," Thor murmured. "I desire you more than anything, but do not tempt me so while your health is poor. Your strength is so limited."

"Tell me what it is I tempt you to do," Loki pressed. "You were so eager to have your hands upon me and expose all of my skin. Is that what you would do?"

"Yes," Thor answered breathlessly. 

Loki attempted to entangle himself around his lover, fingers clutching and stroking absent patterns against Thor's broad back. "Please tell me, Thor, I want to _hear_ it."

"I would lay claim to you in every way," Thor said, his throat tight. "I would learn every bit of your flesh with my eyes and my hands. I would bring you to fits of pleasure with my caresses alone, and savor the taste of you on my tongue. Every day I would have my fill of you until you were nearly fainting with pleasure. And then... then I would part your thighs and thrust within you--"

"Would you have me on my stomach?" Loki interrupted, breathless. "Or would you have me on my hands and knees for you?"

"Neither," Thor answered, and nipped at Loki's throat with his teeth. "I would have you on your back, like a maiden, so I could kiss you and gaze into your eyes while I took you. Oh, but you would be nothing like a maid, would you? Your eyes would be just as bright, just as wide with pleasure, but also dark with unabashed lust. Your legs would part so willingly for me, so greedy," Thor reached between Loki's legs, stroking him through the denim while Loki choked back sound that wanted to tear from his throat. "And that silver tongue of yours would spout such filthy words, begging me to take you harder, to break you in half and defile you, to treat you as an eager whore and fill your womb with my seed."

Loki drew his head back enough to stare into Thor's eyes, and for a moment Thor was afraid that he had spoken too boldly, too lustfully. Loki slipped from his arms, dropping back onto the bed.

"Defile me," Loki said, his chest rippling beautifully with every heaving breath. "Break me in half. Thor," his eyes darted with unrest, seeking out his lover.

Thor pushed Loki's legs onto the bed, allowing him to finally lie down. He took off his own shirt, finding it only fair to match Loki's level of undress, and smiled when Loki's legs parted in a lazy sprawl, the very picture of wanton need.

"I cannot be so rough with you," Thor reminded him, closing Loki's legs and settling over his brother to kiss him.

"No," Loki agreed, with sighs on his lips. "But what I can have, I'll take. Don't deny me what I want."

"I cannot give you what you want tonight," Thor shook his head, caressing Loki's cheek.

"You can't be harsh with me, but you can give me what I want," Loki corrected. "Touch yourself again, and this time touch me as well. Let me see you and feel you. Take your pleasure against my body."

Thor stifled a growl and resisted no longer. He stripped himself bare and then Loki, taking more time to slowly ease the denim off of Loki's hips, to place kisses to each inch of exposed flesh. He grew impatient soon enough, ripping the trousers from Loki's legs while taking him into his mouth, suckling the swollen hardness until Loki cried aloud and bucked beneath him.

Thor pushed Loki's hips back down to the sheets, trying to still him and keep him from exerting too much energy. He crawled over Loki's body, bare skin to bare skin, and rested on his elbows to kiss his beloved, his fingers playing absently with Loki's soft hair.

"Thor," Loki breathed, arching his hips as much as possible beneath Thor's body, seeking friction. His hands slid over Thor's back, pushing, pulling him closer against him, urging him to move. Thor responded readily, positioning himself atop of Loki's body and grinding down against him, crushing them both with his full weight. Soft gasps and mewls escape Loki's lips as Thor began to thrust against him, seeking his own pleasure against Loki's flesh.

"Yes," Loki encouraged, a whimper torn from him as Thor rocked their hips together. He dug blunt nails into Thor's back, drawing red lines.

"Loki," Thor breathed, and repeated his name until it became a soft chant, a prayer only for one god to hear.

Loki revealed in this – the huge, strong body pinning him down, Thor lost in a quest for pleasure, hard and slick as he thrust against his belly, claiming him, using him, and yet Loki felt utterly in control.

"Let go," Loki murmured. He slid a hand between them, eager to feel Thor thrusting into his hand. His nimble fingers seemed to undo Thor. The warrior lowered his head, blonde hair brushing Loki's face while he moved, his shoulders arched and strained as he worked himself above Loki and against his brother's body, and into his lover's hand. "I want everything," Loki continued, his words as soft as magic spells, and just as strong. "Your pleasure is mine to take, Thor. But you have to give it to me. Give it to me, darling."

"Yes, yes," Thor panted and bucked against Loki's slim hips. "It's yours, my sweet. Ah! Loki," he cried, and bit the slender neck before him as he came, leaving slick trails between their bodies. He continued on, even as he panted for breath against Loki's neck, even as he thrust against the slickness between them and his muscles trembled with effort, until he finally sat upright, gasping and spilling again across his brother's flat stomach.

Loki stared, entranced, and heaved for breath as if Thor's end had been his own, though his need still lay unfulfilled against his belly. He lifted his hand from between them, and tasted the seed on his fingers.

"Loki," Thor growled. He caught his lover's face in his hands and kissed him, cleaning the taste of himself from Loki's lips, and then slid down to lick his lover's flesh clean, stooping lower and lower until he took Loki into his mouth again. Loki moaned, but this time Thor held his hips still, not allowing him to move, and he suckled him so gently for long, torturous minutes that stretched into hours until the trickster couldn't hold back any longer, and Thor took his lover's pleasure, swallowing it all.

Loki was left lying boneless, utterly wrung out and drained in so many ways. He only hissed or whimpered softly as Thor continued to lick him, whispering dark, sweet words.

"You are mine," Thor whispered, and sucked at Loki's thigh until he left a mark on such an intimate place. He lifted his head and kissed again and again, leaving more marks, his fingers stroking Loki's flesh in ways that would be arousing again if he weren't so exhausted.

"Show me," Thor urged, his hands at Loki's knees. "Where is the place that I will enter you and spill inside of you?"

"Here," Loki said, making an effort to part his legs, and Thor helped, spreading him. He slipped his hand down between his thighs, ignoring the flush that colored his face as he parted himself. Thor's fingers pressed against his entrance, rubbing gently.

"So tight," Thor murmured while Loki shook and cried with want. "No one else has had you this way."

Loki opened his mouth to answer, but realized that Thor knew, of course, and was speaking rhetorically. Besides, he wasn't there to listen – his mouth was on Loki's tight hole, his tongue...

"Thor!" Loki cried, writhing while trying not to squirm away from Thor's mouth... his sinful, wicked, brilliant mouth.

"Shh, shh," Thor lifted his head again, and closed Loki's legs. "I won't tease you so," he promised, sliding up the bed to lie alongside his brother. He gathered the sheets and blankets, covering them both as that Loki would not be chilled when the heat left his skin. "Rest now, my sweet. There's more for another day, and every day for the rest of our lives. But you'll need your strength for all the ways I will have you."

 

x


	19. Chapter 19

Thor doted on Loki the next day, bringing him sweet morsels to eat and generally trying to stay near to him whenever he could.

He began the day by trying to wake Loki with tender kisses, but the trickster was too tired to do more than fuss at him, so Thor let him sleep in and rose to attend to his own breakfast first.

"Iron friend," Thor said as he sat down at the breakfast table and tore into two boxes of poptarts. "I must speak to you."

"Yeah, I need to talk to you, too," Tony lifted his coffee (which had an extra kick to it this morning) to his lips. "You first."

"I require a larger bed now that Loki is staying with me," Thor said. "I will need more space to make love to him properly. That is all. Now what is it you need to speak of?"

Tony snapped his gaping mouth shut. "Nothing," he said, and took a deep swig of his coffee. "I'll um, just call Pepper and tell her to order a king size bed while she's having your room _sound proofed_."

"Thank you, Starkson," Thor smiled eagerly and resumed giving the poptarts his Galactus impression.

Tony turned on heel and wandered off to find something in his liquor cabinet that would make his coffee stronger.

When he finished with his own meal, Thor sought out Bruce in the labs for advice on what to give Loki to eat, and how much.

"How is he feeling this morning?" Bruce questioned instead of answering.

"He is sleeping still," Thor said. "I tried to wake him earlier, but his energy is low. He still has to eat though, doesn't he?"

"Yes, try to get him to eat," Bruce agreed. "Start with one bowl of oatmeal. If he realizes he's hungry, give him more over time. If he's too tired, get him to drink milk instead. You remember how Clint showed you to do that?"

"Yes," Thor nodded. "Thank you, Banner."

"Thor," Bruce interrupted before the Aesir could leave. "Don't wear him out again, okay? I know you two love each other and passions burn bright and everything, but I'd say it needs to wait a few more days."

Thor hesitated, his face actually flushing with some embarrassment. "You want me to stay away from Loki?"

"Of course not," Bruce shook his head immediately, denying the very notion. "It's just that Loki doesn't have a lot of energy to spare, even though it might seem like it. Last night, between the tricks on Tony and the... Let's be honest, Clint was quoting you guys this morning and he doesn't even sleep on the same floor. And Loki's exhausted now, right?"

Thor nodded, ashamed.

"Then he needs to rest," Bruce said, settled on the matter. "I could be wrong, of course - you guys are gods and certainly have superhuman stamina. But I'm even considering the super factor when I say he still needs a few _days_ to fully recover. Days being a quick recovery period in my mind, considering how much he's been through. But understand, I'm only going on my best guess. There's no certain time limit before he'll be okay again. So I'll put it this way for your benefit. Loki may get some energy back soon enough, and he may seem healthy enough, and may even try to be... persuasive... But if you wouldn't ask him to go outside and run a city block, then you should probably lay off the sex. And just to put that into perspective, he couldn't stand on his own feet last night, much less _walk_."

"I'm sorry, Banner," Thor said quickly, bowing his head to show humility. "You are correct, of course – I should not have given in so readily while Loki is clearly still so weak."

"I-I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything," Bruce added.

"No, you have Loki's best interest in mind," Thor said. "Thank you, truly." And he crushed Bruce in an overly-strong hug.

Thor left to fulfill his lifelong duty - looking after his younger brother. It was a responsibility that he was ashamed to admit he had neglected many times throughout their years together. He could not replace that lost time, but today he held Loki in his arms and coaxed him to wakefulness with bits of oatmeal.

It took nearly an hour to get Loki to eat every morsel of the one bowl. He was cold by then, so Thor wrapped him in blankets and lay down beside him to warm him in his arms. He began telling Loki the story of his hunt for the bilgesnipe - a story that Loki had heard many times already, but always found amusing, mainly because the hunt was not so successful.

"It was then that Fandral lost his footing and greatly sped up his journey down the hill," Thor recounted. "Though I hardly thought it wise of him to travel that way, rolling end over end through the brush. Fortunately, his landing was cushioned. But it took twelve days to wash away the stench of bilgesnipe dung."

Thor paused, waiting for the slightest smirk or snort of amusement, but Loki was deeply asleep.

Thor brought him water, first. He filled the special bottle and bade Loki to drink with words of encouragement. For the first time, however, Loki turned his face into the crook of Thor's arm and refused any more.

It was troubling, but Thor finally let Loki rest on his own and went to see his friends, see how much of his team duties he had neglected. He helped Tony test prototype armor and sparred with Steve for a while.

Dinner was some strange but heavenly dish that was primarily made out of cheese, and a homemade bread that was sweet and melted in your mouth.

"Thor?" Steve questioned at the table. "Are you alright? I've never seen you not eat food before." He nodded at an untouched slice of bread on Thor's plate.

"Shit, I'll have that," Clint said, reaching.

"No, I want it," Tony stabbed his fork in Clint's direction. "You've already had three slices, bird boy."

"Birds love bread crumbs, mothafucka," Clint responded in his snootiest tone.

"Then I'll make sure to feed you the crumbs," Tony retorted.

"Guys, seriously," Natasha interrupted, trying and failing to stop Clint before he flicked a bit of food at Tony. "No," she warned in a flat tone as Tony prepared to retaliate. His aim went astray and the bit of bread disappeared into Natasha's cleavage.

"Okay, you're done for," Natasha declared.

"What's the matter?" Tony put on his best pout. "Clint said he likes bread crumbs."

"Hell yes," Clint nodded.

"Don't take his side, Barton," Natasha advised, lining up her shot.

"Enough all of you," Steve intervened, just as Natasha got her shot in. The bit of cheese went past Steve's blocking hand and hit Tony in the face. "Stop," he warned. "The next one who flicks food is going to have kitchen duty for a week. On the SHIELD helicarrier."

"Spoilsport," Tony groused, wiping his face.

"I would give an equal share to both of you," Thor said at last. "But I was thinking that Loki would find the bread most delightful."

"Why didn't he join us?" Natasha asked. "You know he's welcome."

"He has hardly woken," Thor sighed. "I am afraid I pushed him too far too soon yesterday."

"Yeah, we heard," Tony grunted.

"Would it be alright if I brought this to him?" Thor questioned, as if someone might actually tell him no.

"Of course," Steve said.

Pleased, Thor finished the rest of his food as if leaving a single bit behind would be a crime. Then he gathered empty plates and cups for his friends and began washing dishes before Steve stepped in an took over, telling him to go.

Natasha waited until Thor took the bread and had gone off to his room. Then, she rested her chin on her folded hands and looked at Tony.

"So," she said, "is there still a camera in Thor's bedroom?"

 

~~~

 

There was something that weighed on Steve's mind for a while, something he wanted to address but dreaded at the same time. He couldn't simply ignore it, of course. If he knew a truth he couldn't in his good conscience withhold it, even if it would be easy to just say nothing at all. Even if it hurt Thor. Loki had to know.

Steve had to a wait a couple days until he heard that Loki spent his days awake again. Then he waited for Thor to leave on a patrol, and went to speak with Loki.

The door was left open, and Loki was sitting up in bed, Tony's custom-made little tablet in his lap. Steve still knocked on the door frame, waiting at the threshold. Loki lifted his head, his nose crinkling with amused curiosity. "Come in," he said hesitantly, almost as a question. Rarely did anyone actually _knock_ , and the fact that Steve wasn't bringing him food or drink was unusual. Bruce was the only one who might drop by without provisions, but Bruce would ask him questions about how he was feeling and check his vital signs. Play doctor, as Clint jokingly put it. He doubted that Steve was qualified to play doctor.

"I wanted to talk to you," Steve said, providing the reason he was there.

Loki nodded uneasily, setting his tablet aside and making a vague welcoming gesture with his other hand. Steve stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. Why they would need privacy added another layer to Loki's ill feelings about Steve's visit.

"What is it that you want to talk about?" Loki asked, drawing his knees up underneath the sheets.

"You know that I am your friend, right?" Steve began. He sighed, running a hand over his short blonde hair. "At least, I would like to be your friend. And I would never want to hurt you. That isn't how I am. Even when I fight, I hate to use weapons. So what I'm saying isn't to hurt you." He lifted his troubled eyes to Loki, waiting for him to understand before pressing on.

"You haven't said anything yet," Loki pointed out. "Nothing that could possibly be hurtful, at least. I appreciate the concern, but it frustrates me to no end when someone skirts around what they mean to say. I'm not delicate. If you're a friend, be straightforward with me."

"I just don't want you to be angry, or think that I have any reason to tell you this other than that it's the truth, and I feel you should know about it. Especially since you and Thor, you know... fondue," he finished lamely. "Did he ever tell you exactly why it was that we went to Asgard to get you?"

"It wasn't because I was to be executed?"

"We never knew that," Steve frowned. "The whole time, we never knew. One of Thor's friends came here, and Thor asked about you. She was the one who told us what was happening to you. Sif."

"Ugh," Loki rolled his eyes. "She was here? What in Helheim did the little wench want?"

"So you know her," Steve said. 

"Unfortunately."

"Did you know that... that, um," Steve stopped to take a breath. "She and Thor are betrothed?"

"Of course," Loki answered idly. "My father had it arranged since we were children." He waited for Steve to continue.

"Oh," was all that Steve said.

"Was that your shocking news?" Loki questioned.

"I... yeah," Steve looked embarrassed now. "I just... if you and Thor are together... and he's engaged..."

"Betrothed and engaged are entirely different things," Loki said. "Thor never proposed to her. They've never dated. My father decided many thousands of years ago that Sif would make the perfect wife for Thor one day. This was when we were still children. She used to have golden hair, you know. I was so jealous, I cut it all off while she was sleeping."

Steve shared in Loki's easy chuckle over that.

"Thor was furious on her behalf, of course," Loki added. "It's a long story, and not one I care to think about, but the new hair I got for her turned dark. So she rather hates me. But it used to be funny, later on, when Odin made them dance together at any formal functions. I stopped being jealous then because you could see, Thor was so uncomfortable to be touching her. He never noticed that she actually liked him."

"You guys have... loved each other for a long time, then," Steve said.

Loki paused and folded awkwardly into himself. "It's far too complicated for that."

"It's always complicated," Steve nodded solemnly. "Things can change so much in just a few years, and you guys have..."

"Thousands," Loki supplied.

"Thousands of years together," Steve finished. "And not the healthiest home life. But Loki, if you ever want to _talk_ , you're not alone. I'm here for you, and I know Bruce is as well."

"And you would understand best of all, wouldn't you?" Loki asked, his tone deadened. "You're the one in this group who's lost everything."

"We've all lost something," Steve said. "We all have our dark pasts. Tony's parents-"

"But you're the only one who has lost _everything_ ," Loki repeated. "Everyone you knew, and even your world. In a way, it's all gone. I don't understand how you can go on without hurting for it."

"It does hurt," Steve answered. "But I never really had much to begin with. Sometimes it's overwhelming, sure. If it wasn't for this group, I'm not sure I ever would have gotten back into the world. But now I feel like I've gained so much more."

"Because you have friends," Loki concluded, picking at his sheets.

"We want to be your friends, too, Loki," Steve assured him. "But you have to let us."

Loki rested his head against his knees. "I don't know how."

"And that's your first step to being a real friend," Steve said. He smiled at the confused, somewhat angry expression Loki turned on him. "Being honest," he explained. "In my experience, a friend is someone you care about, and someone you can trust, and someone who's kind to you. And sometimes it takes a while to prove these things before you can be friends. But surprisingly enough, I think we trust you a little more than you trust us."

"I've never trusted anyone. I've never had anyone I _could_ trust," Loki mumbled.

"Then it'll take a little while," Steve said. "Take it from someone who knows... there comes a time when you have to let go."

 

x


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, Clint, just shut up.

Soon enough, Loki wanted out of that accursed bed. Although he could hardly walk even a short distance, he refused to stay in Thor's room with only the tablet or sleep to pass his time. He wanted to fix his own food, and care for himself, but some of these things were impossible and Loki had to relent.

Loki wanted to join the others, though, and this Thor could indulge. He ate with them at the table, refraining from playing tricks on Tony with magic only because Thor pleased with him so earnestly to save his energies.

In the downtime, Loki rested on the couch. It was a pleasure when Thor joined him, and the others soon piled into the den, calling for an impromptu movie night. Tony took great pride in the opportunity to dazzle them with his wide screen TV and extensive audio systems that had the floor shaking.

By the third movie, Thor was resting with his head in Loki's lap. Neither were focused on the movie anymore – Thor took greater pleasure in simply having Loki's fingers comb through his blonde tresses. 

"A warrior's braid," Thor begged quietly, like they were children again. An unseen grin crossed Loki's face at the memory of his first joke on Thor. He had told his brother that he knew how to braid his hair the way the ancient warriors once did, and that only the strongest were allowed to wear so many braids. Thor, ever modest, told Loki to only do one... or two... out of respect for the ancients, but he took such pride in having the special braids in his hair. 

In reality, they were only Loki's elaborate alterations on the simple braids that women used. It had amused him so much to think that Thor would be seen by all, wearing his hair in the fashion of any peasant girl. But Loki's clever tongue was only too convincing, and Thor had no sense of shame. Instead of ever having it pointed out as a faux pas and getting his laugh, Loki ended up accidentally creating a new trend, and his own mythology. 

He never bothered to tell Thor – not when his brother would beg him to fix his hair. Loki would groan a bit, of course, as if it were a great bother to him, and then they would both sit and enjoy Loki playing with Thor's hair for hours.

Thor was asleep by the time Loki had half finished one braid. Loki finished his task, regardless, taking pleasure in having a skill that still perplexed Thor to this day ("How are your even your fingers so graceful, Loki?"). When he was finished, Loki idly ran his fingers through the golden strands, combing and petting and twisting the strands around his fingers.

After a while, Tony stood up from his seat and went to go fiddle with the sound system for the umpteenth time. Apparently he was never pleased with the balance or volume or bass, but every time he went to adjust it, he made things worse. This time was no exception – the audio cut out completely, eliciting a groan of annoyance from Natasha and exaggerated booing from Clint.

"Tony, fix it and leave the damn thing alone," Natasha said.

"The left speaker was messed up," Tony tried to defend his actions, fiddling with wires and buttons.

"Now the whole thing is messed up," Clint said.

"I don't understand why everything needs to be so loud," Steve said.

"Because some of us weren't born in the 1920's," Tony answered.

"Ooh, Tony Snark. Mrow," Clint made a little clawing motion in the air.

Tony growled in annoyance. "Shut up."

"Hey, Tony, can you turn off that stupid light?" Clint asked. "It's so annoying. K, thanks."

"You mean my _arc reactor?_ "

"Tony, you're making Bruce mad," Natasha said, wrapping her arm around Bruce, who was smiling.

Thor, woken by now, sat up and leaned against Loki, draping his arm across the back of the couch. "If thou will continue to squabble, I will smite thee with Mjolnir."

The audio came back to the movie. "Fixed it!" Tony bellowed, triumphant, and was thanked with variations of 'Now sit down and shut up', and was hit with a couch cushion. He turned back to his seat, only to find Natasha smiling innocently at him, because it had been swallowed up while he was gone – Steve, Bruce, Natasha, and Clint were all piled onto the couch, in that order.

"I see how it is," Tony huffed. He went to the other, smaller couch where Thor and Loki sat, and settled himself on the other side of Loki.

"Starkson," Thor warned.

Tony draped himself across Loki's lap anyway, and incidentally, Thor's as well, mimicking the way that Thor had been sleeping earlier. "Draw me like one of your French girls," he purred, and was unceremoniously shoved off the couch. He shrugged while the others laughed, and folded his hands behind his head, taking up residence on the floor.

"Is anyone actually watching this movie?" Clint questioned. Steve and Bruce looked embarrassed but said nothing in protest. "I want to watch Mulan instead."

Tony rolled his eyes. "I don't have any-"

"WHEN WILL MY RE-FLEC-TION SHOWW--"

Natasha smothered Clint with a pillow, sparing the others the torment.

"It is late now, and we should sleep," Thor said, mostly to Loki.

"The night is young," Tony objected, but had to wiggled out of the way so he wasn't stepped on while Thor helped Loki to his feet.

"Goodnight my friends," Thor said.

"Hey, if you guys are gonna go do it, make sure Natasha can hear," Clint advised, and was smacked repeatedly in the face with the pillow.

 

~~~~

 

Loki was well enough in the morning to walk on his own feet to breakfast, which he insisted on. He took his time fixing himself a bowl of cereal. Thor simply raided the cupboard that was stocked entirely with poptarts, and went to eat at the table. When Loki came, ever careful with the bowl of cereal clutched in his hands just so, Thor pulled a chair out for him. Loki sat and began delicately picking at spoonfuls while Thor crammed his mouth with strawberry frosted goodness. They glanced at each other, and Loki smiled, secretive, amused – Thor returned the smile with a warm grin, his cheeks stuffed with poptarts.

Presently, the other Avengers joined them, and Steve began frying a variety of breakfast food for everyone – eggs, hashbrowns, bacon, sausage, and toast. A small feast was soon brought to the table, and Thor, despite having emptied two boxes of poptarts already, had another heaping plateful of the hot food. The rest of the team heaped their plates with whatever they could, and fought like children.

"That was _my_ bacon!" Clint bellowed, raising his fork like a weapon at Tony.

"I don't see your name on it," Tony held the bacon between his fingers, looking it over back and front.

"It was on my plate!"

"Guys, there's plenty of bacon," Steve said, foolish enough to try to bring _reason_ into this little spat.

"I'll give it back to you later," Tony said, popping the bacon into his mouth.

"Ew," Natasha muttered.

"I'll have you know that I licked those," Clint said.

"Now you're just trying to turn me on," Tony accused.

"Ew," Natasha repeated, and removed herself to the far end of the table.

"How do you feel?" Bruce asked Loki. "Besides completely disgusted by Tony and Clint?" he added.

Loki chuckled. "I feel like I could conquer the world," he answered, enjoying the pause of tension that this created. He laughed again, grinning and keeping his head down.

"Not dressed like that," Tony said, gesturing at Loki with his fork. He was wearing a pair of Thor's sweatpants, which bore the 'Avengers' logo on the side and hung loose around his hips, and a grey t-shirt that was so worn it was nearly transparent. "You look less like 'Loki, God of Mischief' and more like, 'Loki, underfed liberal arts freshman'."

"Thirty extra pounds of metal armor can make a man look more formidable," Loki said. "But I can still toss you through a window," he smiled.

"Ooh, was that supposed to be a burn?" Tony smirked. "But seriously, I wasn't trying to insult, I was offering. You need a wardrobe. I'll get Pepper to pick you up a few things. I'm sure she can find something in size 'skinny as fuck'."

"No, thank you," Loki declined with a slight shake of his head.

"I wasn't asking," Tony said. "And I'm not letting you dress like a leprechaun, so what colors do you like besides green? If you don't answer, I'll go with pink."

"Yellows and golds," Thor said, beaming. "But you look marvelous in all colors," he added to Loki.

"Haha. Rainbows," Clint suggested.

"Green," Loki mumbled.

"Pink it is," Tony declared.

"Damn it," Loki cursed.

"Jarvis, add shopping to Pepper's to-do list," Tony said.

"I'm certain she'll be overjoyed," the robotic voice answered.

"Speaking of shopping... groceries," Bruce said, mentioning the dreaded 'g' word.

"Jarvis, add groceries to Pepper's list," Tony said.

"Negative, sir. Ms. Potts refuses to buy produce for the Avengers group."

"Stop trying to pawn everything off on Pepper," Natasha glared at Tony.

"Geez, fine, okay," Tony muttered. "Jarvis, take inventory and make a grocery list from everything that we've run out of," he ordered, receiving an answer in the affirmative from his software. "And is there anything else you guys want? Something we haven't had this week?"

"Fresh lobster," Clint said. "I can make a lobster raviolli with tomato vodka sauce."

"...No," Tony said. "But yes on the vodka. And red wine, Jarvis."

"Couscous," Bruce requested.

"I want fresh lobster," Natasha folded her hands under her chin, smiling innocently.

"Fine," Tony relented. "But we'll get it _when_ Clint intends on cooking it."

"Tonight," Clint said, to Tony's ire.

"I'm good," Steve said, when eyes fell on him.

"More flesk!" Thor shouted with a grin.

Tony grimaced. "What the hell is flesk?"

"Bacon," Loki translated.

"That's already on the list, Thor."

"Ah. Then..." Thor thought for a moment. "I would like to try the marvelous enchanted fruit I have seen on the television. It is laid flat as a sheet and colors one's tongue."

"Fruit roll-ups," Clint said.

"Loki, what do you want?" Tony asked. "Lemme guess, green tea."

"Nothing," Loki shrugged, tearing a piece of toast in half.

"Nothing," Tony repeated in disbelief. "Favorite ice cream flavor?"

"Certainly nothing cold!" Loki crinkled his nose.

"Bring him one of your sugared breads from the baker," Thor suggested.

Tony blinked. "O-okay."

"Specifications, sir?" Jarvis asked.

"Just write down whatever Thor said, and let them figure it out," Tony said.

"Who is 'them'?" Steve asked.

"The ones going shopping. Clint, Natasha, and Bruce... have fun," Tony smirked.

"Why me?" Clint complained.

"Because you're the asshole who wants to buy live lobster," Tony retorted. "Look, these are your choices. Go grocery shopping, or do the laundry."

"I'm driving," Clint said.

"Who's doing laundry, then?" Steve asked.

"Oh, me!" Thor raised his arms excitedly.

"Thor," Natasha glowered at him. "If I catch you wearing my bra again, I will thrash you."

 

x


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mew

"Tony," Natasha's voice came through the intercom an hour after she, Clint, and Bruce had gone to get groceries, because nothing ever went to plan. "We have a Code Green."

"What?" Tony asked in disbelief.

"I said 'Code Green' you shit," Natasha repeated over the sound of things breaking from her end of the line.

Steve was already running to get his uniform on while Tony stood, dumbfounded.

"How do you get a code green from grocery shopping?!" Tony cried.

"Are you coming or not?!" Natasha demanded, shrill.

"I must go," Thor said, kissing Loki on the forehead as he stood to leave.

"Code green?" Loki questioned, but figured it out as soon as he asked. "Bruce."

Thor nodded gravely. "All will be well," he promised.

"Let me come," Loki, sitting up, looking from avenger to avenger, but they were all busy getting ready to take the call. "I can help."

"No, no, absolutely not," Tony refused, pressing buttons on a metal wristband. His suit appeared, seemingly from nowhere and folded itself around his body, metal locking into place. His mask snapped shut and the eyes went aglow with power. The next words were slightly robotic. "You stay here and mind the house."

"Bruce is my friend," Loki objected. "I can speak to him."

"Hell no. I'm sure you could help, but when the Hulk gets loose, SHIELD gets involved, and Fury doesn't want to see you outside."

"Please, Loki," Thor said. Mjolnir flew into his hand. "Stay here, out of harm's way."

Thor's attempt at speaking gently did little to soothe Loki's annoyance. 

"So I'm stuck in this tower?"

"Yes," Tony said, "like a fairytale princess. You've already got the flowing long hair to boot. Steve, are you riding with me or Thor?"

The remaining three Avengers jumped into action, leaving Loki alone. Well, not entirely alone because Tony had a way of trying to add artificial intelligence into everything he made, so that even the walls were literally alive. And watching him.

"Jarvis?" Loki questioned aloud, the way Stark always did.

"Yes, Loki?" the AI responded, slightly more delayed than it was with Tony.

"I don't like you."

"The feeling is mutual, sir."

"Can you keep an eye on them?"

"The Avengers? Certainly," Jarvis answered. "Tony Stark has made it possible for me to track their location as well as biological signatures. All members are healthy and accounted for. In addition, the team will undoubtedly be appearing on the local news within ten minutes. Shall I keep you posted?"

"Ah, um, yes," Loki said. "Thank you."

Loki pushed himself up and took whatever dishes he could to the sink. He wrapped the other plates of food with clear plastic, as he had seen others do, and placed the food into the refrigerator. Even while he did so, his stomach growled and Loki stole more bites of food before storing it all neatly away.

He was aware of how quiet the empty rooms were when he began running hot water for the dishes.

"Jarvis? Could you play something, please? Music, I mean."

"What would you like?"

"Just something... beautiful."

 

~~~~

 

The team burst into the common area of the tower many hours later. Thor, Steve, Clint, and even Tony were all burdened with many bags full of food.

"Jarvis?" Tony called out as soon as he dumped his groceries onto the floor. His suit began to disassemble. "Why does the house smell like bleach?"

"Master Loki has been cleaning," Jarvis answered.

"Cleaning..." Tony muttered in disbelief. "Wait, _Master_ Loki? No. Nope. You delete that mancrush right out of your data system."

"Loki?" Thor questioned, setting his share of groceries down more carefully and wandering into the apartment. He didn't have to go very far before he found Loki. "Get down from there!" he scolded, and grabbed Loki about the waist to lift him down from the counter where he had been reaching up to clean a window.

"How else will I reach?" Loki grumbled.

"You'll fall and crack your head open," Thor told him.

"Thor, you threw me from an airplane into the side of a mountain," Loki replied. "I won't accidentally kill myself with a clumsy fall from a counter-top."

"Don't laugh, that's how my parents died," Clint said in his best Batman voice, setting down his groceries on a stretch of counter with a thud and beginning to put away different items.

"What took you all so long?" Loki asked as they began to put away groceries, and Tony continued to grouse at Jarvis. "Was Bruce that bad off?"

"Bruce is okay," Steve assured him. "The big guy is sleeping in the containment cell downstairs."

"What _took_ so long is that we were almost done shopping when the big guy came out," Clint explained. "By the time we got him under wraps, the milk and stuff was all spoiled and the lobsters weren't so fresh anymore."

"I _told_ you no lobster," Tony said.

Clint gave Tony a glare. "Like you even knew what would happen!"

"Tony, Clint, please," Steve said. For a moment they stopped bickering like children and had the majority of the groceries put away.

Thor finished neatly stacking his cupboard full of beloved poptarts, and turned to see Loki, studying a pack of pudding in his hands. "You cut your hair," he realized.

Loki put a hand to it, running his fingers through the shorter mane as if he had forgotten. "Yes, I have," he confirmed, and found a place for the pudding next to Thor's treats.

Thor caught hold of Loki for a moment, running his hands over Loki's hair and mussing up the neatness of it. In reality, it wasn't much of a change – his hair was still a bit longer than most. The length would be evident if the front of his hair was allowed to fall around his face, but it was all combed back and trimmed neatly to the back of his neck. To Thor, Loki seemed years younger again.

"You cleaned the house and cut your hair," Tony said, incredulous. 

"And I did the dishes and finished the laundry," Loki added.

"What, did you put a roast in the oven, too?"

"I thought Clint was making... lobster-something," Loki replied hesitantly, as if he might indeed have put something into the oven to cook.

"No lobsters ever again," Clint muttered, shaking his head as if reliving a bad dream.

"I'll cook steak," Steve offered, because he was busy putting away various meats.

There was a quiet rush of the elevator, and the group of Avengers became quiet, setting aside whatever they were working on and turning to face the front door. Loki wondered briefly who they were expecting when the front door opened and Natasha came inside, cradling something in her arms, followed by the imposing presence of Nick Fury.

"Would anyone like to explain to me what the _fuck_ happened today?" Fury questioned, each part of his question heavily emphasized.

Thor and Steve looked at Natasha and then Clint for answers.

"The Hulk came out," Clint said.

"No shit, Cupid," Fury said. "What I want to know is _how_ it happened."

"Ohh," Tony and Clint murmured together. "That's not what you asked, sir," Tony said, playing cute.

"We were grocery shopping," Natasha cut in, before Clint or tony had their asses handed to them. "We wanted lobster for dinner, and... one of the claws of the lobsters was unsecured," she explained, as seriously as possible.

"Are you telling me that a grocery store and half a city block is destroyed because a lobster pinched Banner?" Fury asked, his face red with controlled rage.

"Wow," Tony's eyes lit up, actually hearing this news for the first time. "Well, if you ask me, sir, the grocery store is entirely liable for this one. Lobster claws _hurt_."

Fury took a deep breath in and out through his nose, and then jabbed a finger at Steve. "You need to get your team members under control, or the initiative is done."

"Yes, sir," Steve answered, dutiful as ever. "We'll work on it however we can."

"You damn well better," Fury said. He shifted on his feet, as if about to leave, and then noticed Loki. "And _you_. You're the motherfucker who damn near wiped out the team before it was even formed. If you're still working for the Chitauri or any other evil shits, I will personally fuck you up, do you feel me?"

"I have no doubt," Loki answered sincerely, "but with all due respect, sir, I don't fuck my mother, I fuck Thor."

There was a tense moment, the team so fully anticipating Fury's rage that when he finally reacted, half of the team flinched before they realized that Fury was laughing. Loudly.

"I like you," Fury said to Loki. He turned half-way and stopped at the sight of Tony. "I _don't_ like _you_."

"What the hell did I do?" Tony cried, flinging his hands up.

"I'm watching your candy ass," Fury warned him. "Any more lip from you and you'll be the team's official toaster oven." He continued his turn, and was again interrupted when he saw Natasha. He shook his head in distaste at whatever it was she held in her arms. "The shit I put up with. Crazy brotherfuckers up in here," he muttered to himself, finally leaving.

"Pleasant fellow," Loki commented, the first to speak once Fury was gone.

"That is what a 'fuck' is?" Thor asked. "I do not want Fury to give you one."

Loki covered his face with his hand. "I'll explain it to you later."

"I can't believe he said he _liked_ you," Tony said. "I can't believe you _cleaned_. We have a maid for that, you know."

"No, we don't," Natasha reminded him. "You haven't hired anyone with security clearance yet, and Pepper refuses to do it."

"Well, I was just planning on blindfolding someone," Tony said.

"Genius," Natasha deadpanned.

"This is great, though," Clint said, optimistic. "Did you sing a happy cleaning song, too, Loki?"

"...No." Loki decided to change the subject. "Is Bruce okay?"

"Yes, he's fine," Natasha said. "It was crazy, though. Suddenly Hulk was tearing through the produce section."

"We can never go shopping there again," Clint sighed.

"And we couldn't stop him," Natasha continued. "He was running and we could barely keep up. And then he stopped on his own. When we found him, he was holding this," she unfolded her arms slightly, revealing some sort of small creature. "He found it, I guess, and he wouldn't let go. At least we know for sure that the big guy has a big heart."

"Are you serious?" Tony asked. Apparently in all the commotion, not many of the Avengers even knew that Hulk had found and brought home an animal.

"What kind of beast is that?" Thor asked.

"It's a cat," Tony said, doing a poor job of holding back a grimace. "Get rid of the thing before it shreds my furniture."

"No way," Natasha refused, holding the tiny ball of fur closer to her breast. "You should've seen the big guy with this thing."

"It would be a sight to see," Thor chuckled, moving closer to see the cat and touch its soft black fur. "It is so tiny."

"We can't keep a cat," Tony grumbled. "They're more trouble than they're worth."

Steve frowned at Tony, but reluctantly nodded in agreement. "We don't have the supplies to take care of it. But there should be a shelter nearby."

"Guys, this is Banner's kitten," Natasha reminded them, staring at Tony with resolve. "We aren't doing anything until he wakes up and decides to let it go. If you get rid of it, and he Hulks out again because it's missing, I'm gonna let him smash you."

Steve swallowed. "She makes a good point, Tony. It could stay just for tonight, couldn't it?"

"Fine. But I'm not cleaning up after it, and if it ruins my furniture you're replacing them," Tony warned.

"Should we not simply ask the beast to behave?" Thor questioned, lifting the kitten from Natasha's arms into his big hands. It woke up immediately, big yellow eyes blinking at Thor. He raised it into the air so that it stared down and mewed at him, standing on trembling legs. "Tiny beast, do not sharpen thine claws upon the furniture. Ow!"

"Cats don't listen, Thor," Tony muttered, watching with some bare amusement while the kitten wiggled and clawed at Thor's hands, trying to escape.

"Brother, speak to it," Thor pleaded, trying to keep the cat in his arms.

"You've frightened it," Loki sighed. "Set it down."

Thor frowned but set the kitten down on top of a counter.

"Sit still, small cat," Loki said, blocking the kitten's path with his hands before it tried to jump down and run away. It turned, tail twitching and walked towards Loki, its small mouth opening and letting out loud meows. "What noisy complaints!"

"Mew!" said the kitten.

"Mew," said Thor.

"Don't mock it, please," Loki said, touching Thor's arm.

"Don't tell me he talks to animals," Tony muttered, a hand covering his face.

"Loki is silver-tongued – he speaks the language of all things," Thor answered proudly.

"What troubles thee so to 'mew' at me?" Loki questioned. The kitten made tiny, purring kitten noises in return. "He asks if giants such as us intend to eat him," he said, looking to the others.

Steve laughed and then realized that Loki meant for a serious answer. "No," he said. "We don't eat cats. They're pets."

"As long as it stays away from Chinatown," Tony added, and was elbowed in the ribs.

"You are safe here, cat," Loki told the kitten. "But you must not use your claws on anything. It makes us very angry, do you understand?"

The kitten flicked its tail in reply.

"I know you would like to," Loki added. "You are born to be a tiny hunter. But there is no need for hunting here. Your days are free to be full of laziness and satisfaction."

"Mew!" the kitten cried again.

"Do not cry your lamenting 'mew' at me," Loki scolded lightly. "Your kind has mastered the art of control over the greatest beings of this world. There is no end of those who would gladly provide you with food and shelter, and only at the price of _allowing_ them to stroke you with affection. What a hard life it is for a cat!"

The kitten flopped over, rolling on its back, and purred loudly. Loki smiled.

"And what would please your small belly, hmm?" He rubbed the kitten's round belly with just two fingers. A bit of fish? Red meat? Or have you not yet been weaned from your mother's milk?"

The black fur-ball made mewling noises at him.

"Well, then, perhaps you will learn the flavors of meat," Loki said. He glanced at the Avengers. "It should be a small favor to give her some scraps, no?"

"You can seriously talk to the cat?" Clint asked, deadpan. "Do you talk to cockroaches, too?"

"Of course not," Loki huffed. "Not every creature can speak."

Thor scooped the little creature into his hands again, completely charmed by it. "I will feed you, tiny beast." He raided the refrigerator, bringing out pieces of meat and feeding it in tidbits. The kitten purred now and allowed him to pet it without clawing.

At length, the kitten was fed, and Thor was delighted to play with it while Loki rested. Tony bitched and drank the whole time, but when the little cat relieved itself on the floor, he gave up on glasses and held onto the bottle instead.

Somehow, the kitten ended up on Clint's shoulder, asleep.

Thor went to Loki, who was still resting on the couch.

"You seem fatigued," Thor said quietly.

Loki glanced at him and then back at his knees, but said nothing. It was such a bother to wear out so easily, but Thor understood without it being said. He brought Loki an early meal, and the sugared bread that Thor had requested on his behalf – a blueberry muffin, as it turned out. Loki picked it nearly clean and then let Thor have the rest when he was full – slightly smooshing the treat into his brother's mouth. Thor laughed and kissed Loki, his mouth full and tasting of the sweets, and then he cleaned up – picking crumbs from the carpet before they were crushed under foot, and whisking away any dirtied dishes. Then he lifted Loki into his arms and brought him back to their room, tucking him in soundly.

"Do you want me to stay?" Thor asked.

"You don't have to," Loki answered, his voice already softened with exhaustion. "I just want to sleep a while. A minute." 

Thor smiled sadly. "You've pushed yourself too hard," he said, brushing hair away from Loki's face. "Just being on your feet all day would have been tiring enough."

"I wanted to feel useful," Loki said.

"You won't be useful at all if you wear yourself to death," Thor warned him, and kissed Loki's forehead. "I'll join you shortly, my sweet."

Loki made a soft, sleepy noise in reply.

 

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit the pancake prince made a [fanart](http://pancakesandplaid.tumblr.com/post/32842310250) of my fic. *ded*  
> If you make a fanart, plz let me know so I can die moar. Thank.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm worried this is really shit but I've rewritten this chapter about 3 billion times and I'm just all done so I'm just gonna post it and not deal with this. Done.

_Nowhere in the corridors of pale green and grey_   
_Nowhere in the suburbs_   
_In the cold light of day_

_There in the midst of it so alive and alone_   
_Words support like bone_

\- "[Mercy Street](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfZQkm12CI8)"

x

Hours later, Loki's eyes opened. He lay still for a long time, seeing only the darkness of his shared room and wondering why he was awake at this odd hour. Beside him was Thor's heavy presence, his brother's huge hand resting on his waist. Even in sleep, Thor was so protective, so fiercely clinging to what he wanted to be his. 

In many ways, Loki was so pleased to have Thor for himself now, and also so... so _disappointed_ that Thor had chosen him. Thor was supposed to be a shining, glorious example of regal Aesir breeding and morality. Loki felt lower than low – a stunted giant, a false prince, unwanted and unfitted for any of the nine realms. He had crimes written on his soul, and blood on his hands, and still Thor wanted to give up his throne and embrace him.

Loki wanted to feel happy about that. Grateful, he certainly was. But not happy. He couldn't figure it out anymore, what his life was meant to be. Now Thor was swept up in that uncertainty, derailing his rightful destiny. Sometimes he felt he should have been burned up in death, meeting a rightful end, and no longer interfering with Thor's life. But here he was, still alive. Purposeless. Trapped.

"Mew!"

Loki's eyes went to the door. He knew now what it was that must have woken him – that damned cat. For something so small, it had such a loud, all-consuming voice. Its shaky, pitiful cries went out again and again, sending small splinters into Loki's heart every time he neglected to rush to its aid. It was the wretched sound of a lost child calling for its mother, pleading.

Yet, nobody else woke.

"Thor," Loki mumbled, shuffling a foot under the covers to kick at his brother. The kitten cried again, pitifully, and he hid his head against Thor's side, trying to burrow away from the noise, but it was no use. The crying continued for long minutes that felt like hours. He waited for it to stop – the creature had to sleep sometime, or learn that its cries were useless and give up. But when the cries grew softer, they didn't grant Loki any relief – instead he felt a strange desperation tear his heart apart completely, forcing him out of bed.

The tower was colder at night, and the common areas were nearly swallowed in blackness, if not for the extravagant windows that gave a lovely view of the city and allowed in some glow of night. 

In such dim light, all of the warm colors and little details that gave the tower any domestic comfort were gone. Instead it was all harsh, sharp lines and shadows. Nothing about this place was particularly pleasant without the light and without the warmth that the Avengers brought in to soften it.

The kitten was gone from sight, tucked away in any number of crevices, corners, shadows, or empty places. Loki only searched for her a moment before he knew it would be a waste of time. He went to the living room instead, standing on the softer carpet, where the faint window light would at least make him visible to her.

"Darling," Loki called softly, crouching down to the floor.

An excited, yet hesitant mewing reached his ears in response.

"Come here, my darling, please," Loki murmured, thrumming his fingers against the floor. He heard the whisper-soft padding of small footfalls as the kitten rushed out of whatever hiding place she had found.

"Mew!" the soft, black thing cried again and again until he found her amongst the shadows and lifted her into his arms. "Mew!" the kitten cried against his chest, fussing and purring and wriggling.

"Hush, my sweet," Loki pleaded, trying to cradle her into his arms. She continued to squirm the way cats will, and made her tiny, involuntary cries. "Stop crying so mournfully, please," he begged softly, brushing his lips against the top of her head, little tufted ears tickling his nose. "I cannot bear to hear you cry. Do you intend to break my heart?"

The kitten made small murmuring, purring sounds of discontent. It dug tiny, painful claws through his shirt and into his skin, clinging to him but drawing no blood – just small pinpricks of ache. Still the tiny voice cried out now and then, uncontrolled, like a child lost to a storm of tears and sadness so strong it steals the breath away.

"Your mother is sleeping," Loki murmured, trying to find words to say now. Hearing familiar words, even from such an unfamiliar being, seemed to soothe the tiny beast and its great emotions. "All things are sleeping when the world is ruled by darkness, and you should be sleeping, too. In the morning, the goddess Sol will return with her life-bringing light and set everything to waking. Without her light, things seem grim, I know. The darkness and the dark things that dwell within them seem so loud and so certain, and they make terrible worries within small minds. This is why we should sleep until her return, because it is so difficult for dark, unhappy things to exist in her goodness. If we are sleeping, we are not consumed by those worrying things and dark places."

The kitten cried against his chest again.

"There is nothing in the darkness that isn't in the light," Loki soothed her, stroking a hand over her tiny, soft body. "But without the light, the _nothing_ itself can become such a troubling thought. It can almost seem alive. It can seem to be all-consuming. But you must trust me when I assure you that it isn't. There is always hope and goodness waiting to return, and see how easily the light dispels even the darkest shadow, although it seemed impossible to overcome. So it is better if you sleep and never-mind the darkness and how it speaks with a serpent's tongue. In morning's light, good things and happy colors will exist again. And there will be a bit of milk for you, I promise. Warm and sweet as you ever wished."

 

~~~~

 

Thor found Loki curled on the couch, the small cat in his arms.

"I was worried to find you gone," Thor told him quietly when Loki's green eyes flicked to his. Loki shifted, making room for Thor to slide in behind him, and then settling in his brother's arms.

"Hold her," Loki scooped up the ball of fur and thrust it at Thor. "I'm not warm enough."

Thor took the kitten, able to hold her within just one palm, and rested her against his chest, as Loki had been doing. The small thing woke just enough to wiggle up, up on Thor until she was tucked against his neck.

"A very affectionate beast," Thor praised. Loki said nothing, nor did he make any movement in Thor's arms, but Thor knew that he had not fallen asleep yet. "What troubles you, Loki?"

"Nothing."

Thor paused, his fingers petting the small cat. He reached down and ran his fingers over Loki's neck, enjoying the way Loki very subtly stretched to his touch.

"I do hope it is nothing," Thor finally said, after considering his words. "But I know that my wise Loki never worries himself over nothing. I know better than to needle you, but promise me, please... when you can, when you're ready, tell me what it is that's on your mind. I long for there to be no secrets, nothing withheld between us, for I fear the secrets you carry breed only sadness in your heart. Loki. Loki, promise me this," he cupped Loki's face in his hand, turning it to the side, so Loki could see him over his shoulder.

"I promise," Loki said, covering Thor's hand with his own and pulling it from his face. "When I'm ready," he repeated Thor's conditional words, and brushed his lips against Thor's fingers in a kiss, but did not pull them away after a moment. He rested his lips against his and Thor's entwined fingers, his hot breath tickling against Thor's skin.

"Yes. When you're ready," Thor agreed, moving his thumb just enough to stroke against Loki's hand.

 

~~~~~

 

"I can't believe you told Fury that I Hulked out over a lobster," Bruce said, torn between amusement and embarrassment.

He had only recently woken in the containment cell, less than half an hour ago. It was a large room built to withstand the Hulk, and consequentially, possibly even withstand an atomic bomb. There wasn't anything in the room at all, not even a bed, but there were secret compartments built into the walls. They held trivial things, but things that Bruce knew he would want for the sake of decency when he woke up – clothes being the main thing, and a stash of food just in case. There was no escape from the inside, so that it could also be used as a prison cell, but Bruce thought to himself that they should add a voice command feature so he or any other team member could let themselves out – Hulk excluded.

Bruce had changed from his tattered clothes, and waited patiently until Natasha and Steve came to let him out. He'd expected to be told of whatever devastation his other half had brought, but hadn't expected to hear about his teammates' lying on his behalf.

"He wanted cause and effect," Natasha rationalized. "It seemed better than telling him we had no idea what happened. What did happen?"

Bruce shook his head. "I'm working on it. But in the meantime I think... my contributions to the team should be restricted to lab work."

"If that's what you think is best," Steve nodded gravely. "Just let us know if there's anything we can do to help."

"I will," Bruce agreed, but he couldn't imagine how they could.

"Clint is making pancakes for breakfast," Natasha said, trying to appeal to Bruce's stomach.

"Thanks, but I'm not hungry, actually," Bruce declined.

"Well then you won't lose your appetite when I confess that Thor's helping him, and doing a terrible job," Natasha smiled. "It's funny, though. Come on, it'll cheer you up. You need to get out of this lab for a while. Besides, there's something of yours upstairs that demands your attention."

"Literally," Steve added in agreement. "I think Tony would like you to go take care of it before it drives him crazy," he smiled.

Puzzled and feeling a bit pressured to go take care of whatever possible mess he'd made to bother Tony, Bruce followed them upstairs. He was greeted with the smell of charred food and Thor bellowing a good morning. Clint had apparently talked Thor into wearing a frilly, pink apron.

"Um..." Bruce really hoped that Steve and Natasha hadn't been alluding to Thor. His fears were ill-founded, of course. Natasha nudged him to the other room, to the dining table, where Loki sat with a kitten and a saucer of milk, trying to coax it to drink.

"Where did you find a cat?" Bruce questioned.

"She's yours," Natasha said, lifting the small cat and passing it to Bruce. "Your other self brought her home."

"The Hulk? You're kidding," Bruce breathed, strangely overjoyed to hold the warm bundle in his arms, taking a moment to stare at the yellow eyes. The kitten gave a small cry and he instinctively tucked it close to his chest, one hand cupped over the tiny warm body to support her.

"No, I'm not," Natasha said. "The big guy was seriously enamored with the little girl."

Bruce could see why, of course. It was something in the way that he could feel the small creature's heart pounding against his. He watched Loki dip his fingertips into the milk and bring it to the kitten's mouth to taste. Just the tiny noises of the kitten's busy little tongue undid him. He copied Loki's actions and let the kitten suckle off his fingertips again and again until a little beard of white formed on its chin.

"This kitten is barely old enough to be away from its mother," Bruce noted, his voice guilty and grim.

"Its mother is dead," Loki replied, his tone soft, but . "She was worried you were dead, too. She hasn't stopped crying until now. Your other half must have made quite an impression on her."

Bruce was silent for a long time, close to trembling while the small kitten pushed and rubbed happily against his hands. He took a deep breath, feeling overwhelmed. "She's beautiful."

"Bruce," Steve murmured, so gently that Bruce immediately knew that he planned to say something bad. "I don't want to be the downer – I can see you love the little fella – but we really need to seriously consider this... if you're losing control, should you keep something that..."

"Fragile?" Bruce finished bitterly.

Steve pressed his lips together but kept his eyes on Bruce, needing a serious answer.

"Ever since the other guy came around, I..." he trailed off, unconsciously licking chapped lips as he tried to find the right words. "I had to change so much. I actually had to sit down and really think about what it meant. That I'd have to stay away from people I loved. It was easier to just try starting all over again with nothing to lose. But when you can't have -- can _never_ have -- what you really want, it's hard to feel like you have anything worthwhile. It takes so long to try healing over that kind of pain, because you have to let go of your hope first. That's the hardest thing you can ever try to do... to truly let go of hope. I'm sorry," he laughed lightly, wiping his eyes, "I'm not making much sense. I always... I always just wanted to start a family. A little one of my own. And um, with the big guy of course... I just finally accepted that I could never have children." He let out a shaky breath and rubbed his thumb over the kitten, petting her. He laughed when she made a tiny 'mew'. "It's impossible that he even held something this small without crushing it. But he did. More than that, he chose her. That changes everything."

Natasha smiled sweetly. "It does."

Thor beamed, bringing in plates of half-burnt pancakes and standing close to Bruce so that he, too, could pet the small beast. "You should be happy, Bruce Banner," he said. "Your daughter is beautiful."

Bruce laughed. "She's not my daughter, Thor, she's a cat," he said. "But it's a step closer."

"What did you name it?" Clint questioned.

Bruce was taken off-guard. "I actually hadn't even thought of that yet. I haven't had a pet in so long," Bruce said. "I should name it something special, right? I should name her after something I love. I'll call her Science."

Loki was quiet all the time, his thoughts far and away. Thor saw this distance between them and sought to close it, coming close to his love and rousing him to reality again with tender caresses and softer words.

"I know something is troubling you," Thor murmured while the others were distracted.

Loki's hands pulled him closer, unfastening the silly apron from Thor, nearly pulling him down to his knees in the process. Thor indulged Loki, mirth and concern shining warm in his eyes until Loki's fitful hands stilled, and he pressed a simple kiss against Loki's lips, trying to calm him.

It seemed to do the trick – Loki relaxed fractionally, but still there was that awful desperation in his hands, clutching at Thor's shirt, and his green eyes, making them wary.

"Thor... would you have my children?"

It was not a request, just a question, and Loki's eyes burned into Thor's, fearful and sincere, while Tony barked out a sudden laugh, silenced with a smack from Natasha.

"Of course," Thor answered.

"Even though they would be monstrosities?" Loki whispered.

"Loki..." Thor frowned, and pressed his forehead close to his beloved's. "Our children could never be anything but beautiful."

Loki closed his eyes. "Because they would be half Aesir?" he questioned, his voice so soft and a spear to Thor's heart.

"Loki, is this what has you so saddened?" Thor asked, brushing locks of hair away from Loki's face. He was prepared to speak again, to reassure his love, when Loki's eyes fluttered open again, long lashes half shading his deep green gaze, and Loki was suddenly kissing him, cool lips and tongue on his, and Thor had not felt anything so passionate – and despite a half-acknowledged whooping cheer from his friends and voyeurs, Thor had not felt anything so strangely sad, either. Loki's efforts could not disguise the taste of grief.

"What is on your mind, Loki?" Thor asked, almost fearful to know what it was that held such a darkness in Loki's wide, alert eyes.

"Thor..." Loki stared at Thor so sadly, but a pained smile won over on his lips. "I have to go back to Asgard."

 

x


	23. Chapter 23

_"I have to go back to Asgard."_

"No," Thor refused at once, without even thinking. Then he did take half a second to think, because half a second was all he needed. This was crazy. "No, Loki, you cannot go back."

Loki's eyes were like ice, reflecting back some sort of inner hurt that Thor hadn't been fully aware of until then. "I don't recall asking your permission."

"Wait, wait, wait," Tony waved his hands in the air. "Stop the crazy train for a second. You were being imprisoned, isolated, starved, and tortured in Asgard. You were on your way to your execution, and every so often they would slice you open, rip out all of your insides, and patch you up just enough so you couldn't die – _ew_ , by the way – and... what was that other lovely thing Sif mentioned? Oh right, and just to spice things up, sometimes they _sliced off all your skin_. Am I getting that right? And you want to go _back_ to Asgard."

"I have to go back," Loki said.

"Oh, okay, just wanted to make sure," Tony said, his flippant tone also full of clear anger and frustration.

"Loki, you don't _have_ to go anywhere," Bruce reasoned. "You're not out on loan. You can _stay_ here."

"Every moment I stay here, I feel like a coward," Loki breathed, every word sounding like it was wrenched from him. "I cannot simply flee from my punishment – it continues even now. I must face Odin and end this. I cannot live in the shame I have for giving into fear and doubt, for believing in the lies that he has spun into us both since we were children. I will not let him make me doubt my own blood, or my own heart, or fear death, I am _better_ than that!"

"Please, Loki-" Thor rose just enough to crush his brother into a hug, and felt Loki sob against his chest and then try to push him away. "You suffered enough at his hands. You've taken more punishment than Odin had any right to give. There is no reason for you to go."

"How can you of all people not see the reason?" Loki questioned. "Thor, he has taken _everything_ from me."

"We can't even get there," Natasha pointed out. "Your bridge is broken, remember? And the cab fare would be ridiculous."

"You have the tesseract," Loki countered, not the least bit fooled by Natasha's straight-faced bluff.

"Even SHIELD doesn't know that," Tony said, tense.

"But I do," Loki said. "I know it plain as day. Power like that can be felt for miles. Even if you don't allow me to use it, know that I will go anyway," he added. "There are paths between the worlds that I can find. Dangerous paths, but I will take them if you force me to. I know strong blood magic – you could never hold me here. I'd rather if you agreed to help me."

"I will not bring you back to the man who caused you so much harm," Thor said, his head lowered and shaking from side to side.

"I'm all for it," Tony said, unexpectedly. He rose to his feet, setting his drink down on the table with conviction, as if gesturing that he was throwing his hat into the ring. 

"Tony," Steve began.

"No," Tony stopped him with one upheld hand. "I think Loki's right. We need to go find this fucker and dole out a little justice."

"That's not what the Avengers are for," Steve said, teeth clenched.

"Then it's not an Avengers thing," Tony snapped. "Loki, you have me and my battle suit on your side."

"Well, shit," Clint said. "I'm all for overthrowing a kingdom. Count me in."

"I'm in, too," Natasha said. "I'm sure you'd like to kill him yourself," she said to Loki. "I'll settle for just maiming."

"This is _not_ what we do," Steve said. "Heroes aren't supposed to take lives."

"I never claimed to be a hero," Natasha answered. "Steve, we can't all be like you. I have the utmost respect for you, being able to stick to your morals. Mine tell me that if I get a clear shot of the son of a bitch, pull the trigger."

"I appreciate all of that," Loki said. "More than I can express. I hoped you would come with me, but not for those reasons. I have no intention of fighting Odin."

"I don't understand then," Natasha said, clearly ruffled.

"You have a plan?" Thor guessed, relief wanting to well up inside of him.

"I always have a plan," Loki answered, his tone long-suffering.

Tony sighed and scratched his head, annoyed that, like Natasha, he could no longer comprehend what Loki's intent was. "Let's hear the plan, then," he snapped.

"I only need for a few to come with me," Loki explained. "It cannot only be Thor. Tony should be one, and Steve or Clint – whoever decides between them. The other does not have to go, nor does Natasha. It's your choice between yourselves, but I cannot allow Bruce to join us. If he lost control-"

"I understand," Bruce interrupted Loki's apologetic words.

"Bruce is our best fighter," Natasha objected, completely at a loss to hear Loki's nonsensical plan.

"He is," Loki agreed. "That's why he cannot come. None of you would be fighting, do you understand me? Not unless Odin gave word to have you attacked as well, and even he isn't that foolish."

"Then what exactly are we doing, because I'm confused as hell," Tony said.

Steve and Clint sat and watched and listened to Loki more patiently, soldiers awaiting orders. Thor waited patiently as well, worried but ever-faithful and trusting Loki, even when he shouldn't.

"If I go back to Asgard, I am to return as your prisoner," Loki said. "I'm sure by now Odin knows it was you who released me in the first place. The only way to ward off his suspicions is to have him believe that Midgard wanted the right to hold me for my crimes. From there, I wish only to speak to him."

"After all this, you just want to _speak_ to him," Tony muttered, disbelieving.

"Words are powerful," Loki stated. "I intend to hold a challenge to him. He won't be able to refuse it, believe me. And if I win... when I win... I will receive everything that is rightfully mine." Loki smiled to himself, lost in thought, and then lifted his head to the Avengers again. "And there is one other thing I would need. A small thing, but I believe we would need SHIELD to do it."

 

~~~~

 

"You sure about this?" Steve asked, hesitating to snap the cuffs on Loki's wrists.

"More than anything."

"If things go wrong, you won't be able to defend yourself very easily," Steve cautioned him, worried that Loki wasn't thinking rationally at all.

"I know my father," Loki said. "He thinks he is gracious and humble, and that is why he will allow me to speak. Yet he also believes that he is wiser than any other being, and that is why he is a fool."

Steve frowned to himself, but latched the restraints around each of Loki's wrists, and then tugged at the chain between them. "All set."

"My babies are polished," Natasha reported, securing guns to her hips. She was in one of her full-body black cat suits, weapons carefully concealed on every part of her aside from her prominently displayed hand guns and weaponized bracelets.

"Ready to fly," Clint said, and smirked at his own joke.

Tony carried the tesseract into the room in its containment device, each step of his iron suit heavy and thunderous on the floor. "I've got the destination locked on."

Thor straightened himself, chin and shoulders lifting with resolve. He carried Mjolnir in his hand, but he wore the new armor that Tony had designed for him - it was similar in many ways to what he had even worn before, but it was sleeker. To anyone else, it was the same design, without the cape, but to Loki it was painfully Midgardian. The only part of Thor's new armor that bore Asgard markings were the guards on Thor's forearms -- kept because they bore a visage of a horned helmet that reminded him of Loki.

"I should make you all aware of a few more important things before we go," Loki said to the team. "The first being that there will be no battle, no fighting. If that's what you have your heart set on, it's better that you don't come at all. The chances that my father would attack rather than receive us is next to nonexistent, given the fact that it he refuses to bear the shame of killing anyone within Asgard's walls, and he has no quarrel with you. Your weapons are only necessary for appearance, and that appearance is that I am your prisoner. The second thing I ask of you is not to interfere while I make my challenge to Odin. And I should tell you now what it is so you can object to it here - once we're inside Odin's court it's imperative that you are already aware of my plans and are indifferent to them."

Loki waited a moment to be sure that he held their attention, and then told them very plainly what it was that he planned to do.

"I will allow Odin the chance to execute me as he planned."

" _No!_ " The shout from Thor was expected, but Loki still flinched. He held himself still when Thor's hands touched him, fingers squeezing so tightly that he would be bruised for days, and Thor wasn't even aware of the fact that he was hurting him, nor did Loki want him to be aware – it was one more thing that he didn't want Thor to feel badly about. "Loki, this is no plan, this is suicide," Thor said, his voice as bold as the thunder he commanded, full of emotion that he tried to force onto Loki by tone of voice alone, force him to come to his senses and see how this was upsetting him, but Loki was already entirely aware.

"Brother, please-"

"No! Loki, I will not stand by and allow you to be killed," Thor growled. "Friends, this mission will _not_ be happening. You are not thinking clearly, Loki."

"I will do it with or without you," Loki said. "But if I go alone, chances are I will certainly fail to strike this deal with him, and he will have me killed however he sees fit."

"What would be worth sacrificing yourself for?" Thor questioned, breathless, pale.

"It's not a sacrifice," Loki said. "This is a wager, Thor. I will challenge him to execute me the way he had intended and arranged for so long – to be devoured by the beast. If I am not killed, and I won't be, then he must give me everything that is mine, and allow me to go. It is as simple as that."

"Loki, the beast has an endless appetite, and has not been fed a scrap for centuries," Thor reminded him. "Except for... except for your own flesh. Loki, it will hunger for you."

"Perhaps."

"There is no 'perhaps'!"

"You're very fearful," Loki murmured. "If history is to be believed, you and I have already died many times over. We have faced Ragnaroks of long ago and since been reborn over and over again. The same will be true for our lives this time around, however it is that we eventually die."

"But I cannot wait until Ragnarok to be with you again," Thor said.

"If I die today, I will be with my daughter again," Loki reminded him. "I ask only that you allow me a small time with her before you make your journey to Helheim to revive me."

"And when you're revived, you will be as a child once more," Thor intoned.

"Yes," Loki smiled, genuine mirth and mischief in his eyes. "It will be grand."

"You will remember nothing of me," Thor added pointedly, his eyes sharp and full of pain.

"But I will have you to remind me," Loki said. "What have I to fear, then, either way this ends?"

 

x


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance to a few people who were looking forward to a possible Odin vs. Nick Fury scenario. Perhaps it is needless to say that I ended up unable to make that undoubtedly epic scenario a feasible one. However I would love it if anyone wanted to write/draw their own Odin vs. Fury exchange, fuck, that would be awesome. [Let me know](http://daefics.tumblr.com/ask) and I'll link it and make whale noises at you, if you will allow me to.
> 
> In addition, I'd like to happily inform you that I have finally outlined to the conclusion of Apples. Based on that, there should roughly be at LEAST 5 more chapters before Apples reaches its final conclusion, depending on if I write in-depth or if I write more in a summarizing way. Or more importantly, depending on whether you would like to endure me for several more chapters or not. lol. Because, I will say this in a very blatant hint-y way, life has to go on after death, however painful it is. And now I will try very hard to not further spoil what I mean by that in the comments. :x And I'm sorry to make your hearts hurt - I cried too when I finished my outline - but the hurt makes the joy so much greater in contrast, in my opinion.

The tesseract delivered the group just outside of Asgard, on the rainbow bridge. It was their second time into Asgard, but this time felt like the first. Truly, they hadn't stopped for long to notice the way the stars shone so clearly here, or how the sky was filled with several celestial giants – entire planets within view, making the earth's moon appear so insignificant.

Now that the warriors had been told there was no fighting planned for them, they had a moment to truly look at the tall, gleaming buildings of Asgard... and shiver. This land was so large, so beyond them. It was easier last time – they had landed far within the city itself and regarded the landscape only as a soldier would, asking themselves only what was nearby that offered protection, what might give the enemy an advantage. 

They had an objective, then, and a clear goal – get in, get Loki, and get out. Now they were bringing him back, taking the opposite of stealth. Before they had been nearly unseen. This time they were met and escorted into the city.

It was strange for the team to go with Loki's wishes. Natasha and Clint kept sharp eyes on every surrounding, always planning in case of an attack. This much only added to their credibility, at least, for they all carried themselves with a tenseness that, if noticed by any Aesir, would be attributed to their watchfulness over the captive. There was no doubt that these Midgardians were warriors, and any other questioning was avoided by Thor's presence. When asked, he merely demanded to speak to his father, and all in the kingdom knew who Thor was, as well as the disgraced prince. It was easy for them to assume that Loki had been caught in his escape and was being returned.

Thor kept a careful watch on Loki as much as possible, despite his position in the front of the group. Tony was near to his side, being the leader of the mortals, which Loki insisted was important in this rouse. Steve kept a strong hand clenched around Loki's wrist, giving the appearance that he forced an unwilling prisoner to walk along. In reality, the grip was more of a reassurance, but who it was meant to reassure – Steve or Loki – neither one of them knew.

The walk to the palace was a long one, and yet they were still surprised when they arrived and found that a crowd had gathered inside the court as there had been in the streets. In the corridors, some of the Aesir openly hissed with scorn at Loki, shouting words that were unknown to the mortals, but clearly recognized as insults even without seeing the way that Thor's fist tightened around his hammer and teeth clenched with barely suppressed rage.

To their credit, the team did nothing to stop this abuse against Loki, nor did Loki so much as acknowledge it. They could not stop it – defending him would be counterproductive to the image they needed to present. Loki did not so much as glance at the seething crowds, however, nor did he seem particularly hurt that his own people had turned against him. In truth, their feelings towards him had not particularly changed, only now it was acceptable to openly condemn him. Only when someone spat at Loki, and nearly hit Natasha in the process, did Natasha turn to snap at them, "Watch it."

Their assorted escorts of guards brought them to an enormous door, and parted, leaving them to stand before it.

"Should we knock?" Tony questioned, attempting to break the tension, but even as he spoke, the doors opened.

There was a moment when all of the mortals realized that they were really here. This was the throne room of the king, his innermost court, and Odin himself sat at the other end of the room, Frigga by his side. Everything in the place seemed to gleam with gold. Then they recovered from their stunned moment, and proceeded into the room, the doors shutting behind them as soon as they were able, and guards blocking the exit.

Even here, there were crowds of people all assembled on each side, leaving only a path for the group to approach Odin. Unlike the ones outside, however, these ones were much quieter, making only a murmur in the room as the group passed.

They reached the foot of Odin's dais, as far as they could go, and stopped. Normally, this was where Thor would drop to one knee before his father and wait to be called upon. Today he stood before him, making every effort to contain all of his rage.

A guard at the foot of Odin's throne stepped forward, moving his spear towards Tony.

"Kneel before your king, _peasant_ ," he said.

"He isn't _my_ king," Tony answered, shoving the Aesir away with one hand.

Before there was a chance of retaliation, Odin spoke, "Leave him be," and waved his hand at the guard, who immediately dropped his head in submission and stepped back into anonymity.

"Thor, my son," Odin said, and none of the Avengers could believe that this man could hold such a tenderness in his voice, and yet there it was. Loki only reacted with a slow, even breath in, but there was a glistening in his eyes.

"Odin, All-Father," Thor answered, as respectfully as he could manage.

"I know that it was you who came into the palace, into the dungeon, and released Loki," Odin said, and the rumbling sound of astonishment from the crowd seemed to reveal that all the while, no one else in the kingdom had been told how Loki managed to escape – hearing that it was Thor himself came as a shock to them. The crowd was at once silenced with a tap of Odin's staff, which rang out like a crack of thunder in the immense, echoing chamber. "You, and the help of a group of mortals," Odin continued, "perhaps the warrior friends here with you today. I know all of this, and I forgive you for it, my son. I must only ask you – have you learned from your mistake? Have you brought Loki Laufeyson back now that you know of his treachery?"

"You've got it all wrong, chief," Tony answered instead. "Earth – Midgard, that is – has the right to hold Loki as their prisoner. He's ours now."

Odin tilted his head, apparently surprised by Tony's forward behavior. If he only knew the half of it.

"I did not address you, mortal, but I will speak to you now," Odin said. "You have no rights here. You relinquished him into our power once he was captive."

"Only because we believed that you could keep him contained," Tony replied. "Apparently that wasn't the case – his magic was going as far as reaching us. Since you obviously couldn't contain him, we took him back. Simple as that. Now he will answer for his crimes against Midgard however we see fit."

"But I hold him for treason," Odin countered. "Even in your realm, treason has been the highest crime throughout the ages – betraying one's own country has earned the highest form of death, has it not? If that is so, then it is necessary that Asgard is allowed to take its revenge. In turn, I will be sure to hold him with the crimes against your realm as well."

There was another murmur of approval in the crowd, one that Odin did not silence, and Tony found that he could not deny what Odin said – treason was historically the worst crime – and he barely found words when Loki spoke instead.

"I have not committed treason."

The crowd was stunned silent, waiting for what words Odin would have. The king's face had turned a shade of red, and he rose to his feet, and in just this simple move he suddenly held command over the entire room. Frigga went tense, but aside from the sadness brimming in her eyes, she sat still and said nothing. Old as Odin was, there was still a menace just in his stance. One could see that he retained a wealth of physical strength, as well as another underlying power that made him even more formidable twice over.

"Answer me truthfully, Laufeyson," Odin demanded. "While in my court, you allowed Jotun spies to enter the house of Odin, did you not?"

"I did," Loki said, rousing another small murmur from the crowd at his immediate response.

"And you killed Jotnar against the orders of peace, threatening to bring war to our country, did you not?"

"I did," Loki answered, unflinching, while Thor burned with shame.

"And while I slumbered in Odinsleep, you usurped the throne and presented yourself as king of Asgard, did you not?"

"I did."

"And you sent the Destroyer to cause harm against Thor, your prince, did you not?"

"I did."

"And you again allowed Jotnar into Asgard, into my chambers, so they might kill me as I slept and prevent me from returning to the throne, did you not?"

Loki tightened his jaw, but responded as neutrally as he had every other time. "I did."

"And all of these acts, in themselves, are treason against the throne," Odin said. "And many of these acts, I could have forgiven you for. But all of these things you did against Asgard, and against the royal family. All of these things you admit you are guilty of."

"Yes, I am guilty of all of it," Loki stated.

"Then you must be held responsible," Odin concluded. "You will be executed for your treason by Asgard's law."

"I have not committed treason," Loki said again, and this time Odin had to slam the end of his staff against the floor several times before the crowd silenced.

"Your silver tongue is failing you, Loki," Odin said, somehow holding pity in his eyes. "All of these crimes are treason, and you have confessed to them all before my royal court."

"Treason is a betrayal against one's country," Loki stated. "I am not Aesir. I am not of Asgard."

"You lived as prince," Odin countered, his voice thunderous as rage lurked just beneath the surface.

"But I was never truly prince, and you have disavowed me, have you not?" Loki said. "Have you not addressed me as Laufeyson here today, in front of your royal court? My blood is Jotun. I have committed crimes against Asgard, but I have not committed treason. Against Midgard I made war and claimed many lives. It is they who hold the greater right to say what my punishment should be."

Odin paused, visibly frustrated that Loki's words rang true, and before his full court he was honor-bound. "And what punishment has Midgard chosen, then?"

"Oh, we keep him confined in a tower and force him to eat shawarma," Tony told him, and Clint barely contained a laugh, disguising it as a cough.

"Midgard is allowing me to speak to you for a singular purpose today," Loki said. "I hold a grand opportunity to you, All-Father."

"I have no interest in your tricks," Odin fumed.

"There are no tricks, here," Loki said, boldly. "Bind my magic if it will suit you. My wager with you is simple. I give you the opportunity to execute me as you planned. I will go before the beast. I will not defend myself in any manner, nor will I fight against it. I will not use magic. I will do nothing at all but allow the beast to be untethered and have at me. And if I am not killed, then I want all that is rightfully mine in your kingdom to be relinquished to me. And that is all."

"Loki..." Odin's voice took a surprisingly softer tone, and he sank into his throne again. "I am sorry, but all of your possessions have been destroyed. You should be well aware of that before you make such a foolish bid. There is no scrap or thread left for you to claim."

Loki tensed, the words visibly wounding him, but he stood his ground and kept his head up. "I did not come for clothing or possessions. You know what it is I came for."

Odin was silent for a moment, as if resentful that Loki even dared to ask for these things, and the mere possibility of him winning them was unforgivable.

"So be it, then."

 

x


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For those unfamiliar with Norse mythology, you're about to get a crash course. The myths here are altered only slightly to fit into my head canon for this story, such as Loki's reactions.
> 
> Also, please take note of what I am about to say. When this story ends, I plan to have all of your hearts broken... because there will be so much fluff and love it will be unbearable. This story will NOT end on anything besides utter happiness.

The group had to travel again to reach the place where Loki would be killed. By boat, they went across a lake that was dark black and smooth as obsidian. In a soft, calm voice Loki told them that the lake was called Amsvartnir, and their destination was the island Lyngvi, as if he were guiding them instead of being taken to his execution. Thor said nothing at all, his good spirits lost.

Well before they reached the shore, they could see the beast that Loki was due to face all this time. It was a massive wolf, bigger than the average many times over, and it howled at their approach and pulled at its bindings – a mere fetter so thin that it seemed more like a spider's thread than real chains, yet no matter how much the wolf pulled and snarled it could not break free, and by the slenderness of the beast's frame, the matting of its fur, and the lifespans of Asgardians, the Avengers could only guess that it had been trapped there longer than any of them could imagine.

"Fenrir," Loki breathed, giving the Avengers the name of the wretched wolf. "He suffers for me," he murmured, and stepped forward to leave the boat before the crew was even ready and able to let those on the ship off.

"You are so eager to go to death," Thor said, his throat tight, and he pulled Loki back harshly to stop him.

"I don't fear it, Thor," Loki replied.

So they exited together, the whole team stepping one or two at a time onto the island and climbing its low slopes that were grown thick with heather. It would have been a beautiful place, but for the monstrous wolf that was bound there, which snarled and snapped at anyone who moved near it.

Many Aesir came with them to watch. They were warriors – huge, strong men who wore clothes fashioned from the various creatures they had hunted over the years. They chuckled darkly among themselves, making a few remarks towards Loki, but more towards the wolf itself, some provoking it with thrown rocks.

"Leave it be!" Thor shouted, his voice ringing out as loudly as ever.

His father Odin came, then, and stood nearest to the beast than anyone yet, staring at Thor and Loki.

"I loved you as my own son, Loki," Odin said, his voice low but somehow still holding so much command. 

"I pray for Thor's sake that is not true," Loki retorted, and all of Odin's softness sharpened once again.

"Today you will pay for your crimes," Odin announced, dry and simple. It was Loki's eulogy.

"Listen well to your own words, father," Loki said, trembling. "You speak truth today, but it is not a truth about me."

"Enough," Odin barked. He nodded at a few guards, who stepped forward to force Loki to walk towards the wolf, but Thor stopped them, nearly raising Mjolnir against them.

"I alone will accompany Loki," Thor growled.

"My lord," one of the guards objected, but Thor knew their protests and shut them up by tossing the hammer at their feet, a low thud on her impact, and none would be able to move her again but for Thor.

"My weapon," Thor said pointedly, glaring at the guard and then his father, who approved merely by making no protest against it.

Thor turned back to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Loki, both of them facing the wolf. The jaws alone were more than wide enough to take a man's head, perhaps even to tear him in half with only one or two bites. It was to those jaws that Thor had to lead Loki.

"If you believe in nothing else, believe in me," Loki said to him, "as I believe that you will find me again in Helheim."

Thor swallowed thickly, and his eyes were wet. "My love for you has never changed, Loki," he whispered. "It has never diminished, nor has it ever grown brighter, because it could not."

"I know," Loki smiled, and took the first step forward.

 

~~~~

 

The wolf quivered and strained against its bindings as Loki and Thor approached. Its mouth pulled into a sharp snarl and nostrils flared with scent so familiar – the scent of Loki. Once it smelled him it let out a low, keening whine and growl. Loki walked on, slowly approaching the wolf as it snapped its jaws at him, a snarl building and dying in its chest, a warning rumble, over and over again. It snapped out short barks and snarled again, tongue wetting its teeth repeatedly.

"Loki," Thor pleaded, rooted to the spot, but Loki took another step forward, well within the reach of the wolf's enormous jaws.

"I am so sorry, my love," Loki said, reaching to the wolf's muzzle even as it showed its fangs at him again. 

Fenrir snapped his head away when Loki's hands made contact. Still Loki's hands hovered, waiting, until the wolf snarled again and lunged to the end of its tether, the force of him knocking Loki to the ground.

Loki cried out in pain, as the massive paws of the wolf fell upon his chest, taking the air from his lungs. All at once the wolf lowered itself on its haunches, green eyes and white teeth shining down at Loki, and Thor extended his hand to call on Mjolnir, the handle in his palm at the same moment that the wolf made its attack, licking Loki's face. It nudged against his chin and licked him again, its tongue all-encompassing, and growled again, repeatedly nudging against Loki.

"Fenrir," Loki gasped, still trying to catch his breath, and the tongue against his throat made him laugh, even as he felt teeth graze his skin. He moved from under Fenrir's weight with difficultly, enough to sit upright and wrap his arms around Fenrir's neck, stroking his ears.

"There is no question I forgive you," Loki said, a fierceness in his voice, a great joy as he pressed his forehead to Fenrir's muzzle. "You have never done wrong and so much was wrought against you. I can never be more sorry."

"Well, fuck," Tony blurted out, and it seemed to accurately sum up the entirety of what was going through the minds of the rest of the team.

Thor watched for a moment, still bewildered, and turned to his father. "See what your cowardice has brought you, All-Father?" he cried out, nearly boasting. "You contented yourself by forcing others to carry out your evil work, too proud to stain your own hands, but everything you've purported to be true is a lie! The wolf which you claimed was so insatiable for bloodied violence did not kill him, despite your grim designs," he said. "Now you will honor your word and give Loki what is rightfully his."

"Very well. He can have the wretched beast," Odin said. "Midgard receives a curse this day, for its unceasing hunger-"

"Enough of your lies!" Thor snapped, not caring for Odin's distractions. "Release Fenrir now, or you will know Mjolnir's weight."

He felt something in Odin change, then. Just the way his father gazed upon him was harsher than the withering touch of a frost giant. It was the same disapproving stare that had only ever been reserved for Loki.

By his magic word, Fenrir's enchanted bindings were finally undone. The wolf made the most sorrowful, bone-shaking howl and whine as it finally felt freedom, but Loki held him still and whispered sweet words to prevent Fenrir from attacking Odin or any of the Aesir, which was far more than Thor could have done if he were in Loki's place.

"When you leave Asgard today, Thor, you will never return," Odin said to him.

"You are wrong again," Thor rejoined. His team went into action, Tony readying the tesseract for their jump home. "I will take Fenrir now, and be back in a moment's time for the _rest_ of what belongs to Loki. After that, we are done, and gods help you if you ever come after me and mine again."

 

~~~~

 

Their landing site was in Central Park.

It had been a mystery beforehand as to why Loki had requested such a large space, and why they needed SHIELD to secure the area. Groups of curious and frustrated people had gathered around the barriers, many unsatisfied about the non-answers given to them by SHIELD agents as to why the park was closed. These citizens were tough now, living in an age of great violence and great heroism, and they well suspected that something was happening here. The ones who bothered to stay and object even craved the action that often tore apart entire city blocks. They received their thrill when the Avengers landed, massive wolf included.

"Are you guys okay?" Bruce questioned, there to meet his friends and teammates. 

"What in the motherfuck is that?" was Fury's first question, followed by more that were much harder to answer, and Tony left Steve to verbally grapple with the big boss.

"Loki," Tony said, letting his apprehension translate well into his voice so the trickster could appreciate what kind of a bind he was putting them in. "You've brought a wolf into Manhattan that's big enough to literally eat the Big Apple. I hope you know what you're doing."

"I need a moment's time," Loki replied, which wasn't the most assuring thing. "Don't lose your faith in me now."

Tony heeded Loki's words, allowing Loki to lead the snarling wolf away just a bit, as far from any other soul as possible, and the Avengers spread out at Thor's bidding, making sure that Loki had room alone with Fenrir.

"He is working his magic," Thor explained to them, though there was none of the glitter and fireworks that they expected from magic. Fenrir was lying down now, and Loki knelt before him, his hands so tenderly moving over Fenrir's enormous head, his lips moving in whispers.

"You know, a few months ago I never would have pegged Loki as an animal lover," Tony remarked. "Kind of furthest possibility in my mind, actually. And yet, there's a picture on my phone of Loki snuggling a kitten."

"Never let Loki find out you took that," Natasha warned him.

Tony snorted. "I doubt he'll ever figure out Facebook."

"Famous last words," Clint said.

"I must go back to Asgard a moment, to retrieve Sleipnir," Thor said, taking the tesseract in his hands. "I will return shortly. Clear the area in which we will land."

He was true to his word – it was not an hour before Thor returned. What they did not expect was that Sleipnir was a horse, with broad, strong shoulders and a noble head. He whinnied in surprise as they landed, but Thor soothed him, holding his reins and stroking his nose. Sleipnir snorted and stamped his hooves against the ground while citizens of New York shouted in amazement and held their camera phones aloft for shots of this other amazing creature.

"Ho shit, Thor, your horse has eight legs," Clint said. "Do all horses in Asgard have eight legs?"

"Nay, only Sleipnir," Thor smiled, patting the creature's strong neck. "He is the most magnificent steed in all of Asgard. Odin will be sore to lose him."

"Not that I'm complaining, but did we really just go to Asgard and risk everything so Loki could have his dog, and steal Odin's horse?" Tony asked.

Thor frowned at him. "Sleipnir is _not_ Odin's horse. He is Loki's first born son."

"His son was turned into a horse?" Steve asked instantly, with a sympathetic frown.

"Nay, he is just a horse," Thor answered.

"He's... I need a drink," Tony muttered, giving up.

"You serious?" Clint grinned, coming to pet Sleipnir's flank. "Who was the mother?"

Thor glanced across the park to where Loki sat on the grass, deep in concentration with Fenrir. He sighed, turning back to his group. "My friends, I should tell you of Loki's children, although Loki will possibly be very angry at me for doing so. You must understand how much pain this brings him. Sleipnir was conceived when Asgard itself was young. The city had no defenses then, aside from Mjolnir which I alone could wield, but even I was a barely a man at this time, and Loki younger than I. Still a child. 

"As it happened, a builder claimed he could construct for us a wall around the city, but the price he wanted for his work was one that the gods could never pay. It was Loki who spoke in favor, changing the conditions so that the task should have been impossible, and Odin agreed. But there was trickery on the builder's behalf, and he came close to winning his impossible prize. For this, the court wanted Loki killed. 

"I was not in Asgard while this happened. I could not help Loki – only his cunning could. And in his cunning he promised that he would stop the builder. So that is what he did. He changed himself into a horse and distracted the builder's steed so that it chased him until Loki could not run. So Sleipnir's _father_ is Svadilfari, the builder's horse."

"Holy shit," Tony blurted out. 

"But didn't you say Loki was still a child himself?" Bruce asked, with grave concern etched across his face.

"It is hard to explain," Thor said. "By age, Loki had lived for a few thousand years already. Physically, he was only a young teen. He was wise, but not ready to bear a child. But he did."

"That's..." Natasha seemed at a loss for words, and shook her head.

Thor decided to continue before Tony remembered that he had a mouth.

"After Sleipnir was born, and Loki brought him home, my father had word with him. Odin kept Sleipnir as his own war horse because he was so swift that even without wings he could run through the air as easily as land. But Sleipnir was never addressed as Loki's child, nor could Loki visit him, nor were the events of anything I have just told you acknowledged as having happened, except that Loki cried at night as if death itself had taken his child."

Natasha muttered something in Russian that must have been a curse, and Thor pressed on.

"I believe there was a darkness started in Loki the day Sleipnir was taken into Odin's servitude. It stayed with him and made him bitter. Years later he left Asgard and went into Jotunheim and sought out the witch Angrboda and with her guidance he created his other three children. He bore them himself from his magic – they were a part of him become living into the world. This is what Loki himself explained to me. And of his children he was proud, and felt blessed beyond words.

"But Odin learns of all things," Thor added with a heavy sigh. "Asgard feared that Loki had birthed monsters that were to set Ragnarok in motion, the end of all things. And I am ashamed to admit that I believed in this, without ever knowing his children." Thor closed his eyes for a moment, pained. Bruce felt the urge to tell him he could stop talking, but within an instant Thor continued.

"The gods were sent to Jotunheim to bring Loki and his children back. They were formless, then, like the air, or fire, or water is formless. And when they were brought into Asgard before the court, they were forced to take form, and take name. And the courts named them greed and destruction and death. They were Jormungandr, the serpent, Fenrir, the wolf, and Hela, Loki's frail daughter who was feared the most, for half of her was withered and dead. 

"Odin cast out the serpent into the Midgard sea where it would drown, but instead it took root and flourished. He cast Hela into Nifelheim where she would freeze, but instead she became the keeper of the dead, and beloved by her servants, and adorned in withered flowers and given power. Fenrir could not be so easily cast out. As he ate, he grew endlessly, and was so strong that nothing could bind him, and the gods feared him for it was prophesied that Fenrir would devour Odin when Ragnarok came. So instead of being driven out into the realms or killed – for Hela could revive the dead – Fenrir was treated with kindness until at last they crafted a chain that could bind him. They tricked him with it, and once he was caught, they went against their word – they did not set him free, but left him on the island, imprisoned.

"All of this happened many centuries ago. Loki's children were cast out, and again Odin had word with Loki. I do not know what Odin said or did to Loki. I must admit my guilt that I did nothing, even though Loki was absent within our own home for a few days, and returned with scars, and never spoke of his children again. It was... it was _understood_ then that Loki had committed some terrible crime against us," Thor said, with tears slipping from his eyes, which he did not try to hide or wipe away. "Odin made it seem a mercy that he forgave Loki for what he did. He said Loki was born prone to lies and evils and could not help the way he was. It was a necessary balance of the realms and fate, he said, that one son had birthed evil and destruction, and his other son was the bringer of justice. But I tell you, my friends, upon my mother's grave, Loki's children were only guilty of breathing the air and taking their fill of sunshine. I never knew them, but now I know that if they were a part of Loki, they must have been clever and so beautiful. And I am too ashamed to speak of the sort of 'justice' I upheld in those days. There was none at all."

 

x


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No more Thorki. This story is now Clint/Sleipnir, with a dash of Bruce/Science and Odin/Hannibal Lecter. So mote it be.

Loki's magic worked within time, but not the way that any of the Avengers, or even Thor, had imagined. Fenrir was consumed into flames that burned high and hot, an insufferable inferno of blazing heat that endured for nearly the entirety of an hour before it even died down. All that kept others from panicking was the fact that Loki sat so calmly, his hands still placed to the fire as if it didn't burn him, still weaving his magic. It was also good that the fire did not spread. It did not extend further to lick the next blade of grass, nor did it so much as wither the plants with its heat, although the heat was indeed fierce and all of the Avengers were stuck with sweat by the time the flames began to recede.

And when the fire died down, it went down quickly, as if all of the air had been sucked out of it. The grass where Fenrir had lain was perfectly scorched and covered in ashes so fine that the slightest breeze took them up like black fireflies. Loki reached into the ash, pulling something into his arms, and made a bold but useless effort to stand.

"Loki," Thor went to him, helping Loki up. Loki was now covered in soot that stuck hopelessly to the sweat on his brow, and if not for Thor's strong arms, he would fall again to the ground with exhaustion. But he smiled so proudly at Thor, and held the small wolf pup in his arms as if it was his entire world.

"Your son," Loki said, almost teasing, but the sincere grin that came onto Thor's face, and the tears in his eyes made Loki's heart hurt in the worst and most wonderful ways.

"He has your eyes," Thor answered, and this was painfully true.

It was an effort to walk together to the assembled team, and seeing the pup in Loki's arms had a mixed response, the most negative being from Tony.

"He's... still a wolf," Tony said, and was jabbed in the ribs by Natasha. "Ow! Lady, you have sharp elbows! I'm not trying to insult your kid, but after all that, I thought you'd be bringing back... a _kid_."

Loki frowned slightly as he stroked Fenrir, but did not take much offense to Tony's words. "I gave him the option, actually," he said. "But he's been in this form for so long, it was all that he wanted."

"You may have to change it, though," Bruce said quietly, slipping next to Loki to block any view from SHIELD. "Not much," he added quickly when Loki glared at him. "But wolves look different from domesticated dogs. If you can alter his coloring a bit, and his overall shape, closer to a husky or a German shepherd, he'll at least look like a hybrid. Although, hybrids are illegal, too. ….I just don't want to tell you to change him completely."

"I understand," Loki said. "I'll work on making his appearance acceptable."

"Let us go home," Thor suggested. "You will need to rest. Also, bathe."

"What about him?" Tony asked, gesturing wildly at Sleipnir.

Loki crinkled his brow at Tony. "I cannot change Sleipnir as easily. Fenrir was born formless, as magic, and chose his shape. Sleipnir is a horse."

"Exactly," Tony said. "He's a _horse!_ "

"There is nothing wrong with his form! Horses are not illegal," Thor objected loudly, taking offense. "Many time I have seen horse-drawn chariots in this city-"

"It has eight legs, Thor!" Tony cried.

"There's no law against eight-legged horses," Steve cut in. "He's fine."

"But a horse in the tower," Tony objected. Steve pointedly beckoned the team to move on, and they started walking away without him, Thor leading Sleipnir by his reins. "I swear, no one ever cares about _me_ ," Tony huffed.

 

~~~~

 

It took many hours before Loki was satisfied enough with Sleipnir's new room in the base of the Avengers tower. Clint helped him take off all the tack and brush Sleipnir down while the rest of the team made dinner upstairs and Thor looked after Fenrir.

"I know this isn't what you're used to, but we will fix that soon," Loki said, stroking his son's nose. "I'll bring you carrots tonight. How does that sound?"

Sleipnir responded with a hot breath into Loki's palm, and the trickster smiled. For all that Odin had done to keep them apart, Sleipnir had always recognized his mother, even through the invisibility charms Loki learned to slip into the stables. Despite all the years, and his training to be the best possible steed in the nine realms – and he was – Sleipnir would still soften fractionally at the sight of Loki, the tiniest sign that his first born still remembered him.

As Loki left, Clint continued to stroke Sleipnir. "Hey," he said softly, stopping Loki in his tracks. "You said he's a war horse...?"

Loki narrowed his eyes in an instant. "You're not riding my son into battle, Clint."

"Oh," Clint pouted only for a second. "But you're not saying I _can't_ ride him."

Loki rolled his eyes to himself and went back upstairs to make sure Fenrir was okay.

 

~~~~

 

He found chaos.

"Loki," Natasha called out, holding a frying pan in her hands as a weapon. The kitchen was in disarray, dishes scattered across the floor with bits of food. Tony was in a panic, shouting at Jarvis, and Steve had his shield braced on his arm as if ready for an attack. In the middle of it all, Thor was trying to keep hold or Fenrir, who was no longer a puppy. He was huge, actually, his back nearly as high as Natasha's shoulders.

As Loki took in this scene, Thor lost the fight against Fenrir and the wolf launched himself at the counter, devouring the rest of a ham, bone cracking loudly in his teeth, and already his body gained more muscle and height.

"FENRIR!" Loki shouted, clapping his hands together. The wolf ducked his head a fraction, his ears flattening against his head, but still his jaws snapped anxiously at the meat as if it were the last thing on earth.

"Fenrir, NO," Loki went to him and pulled his son down from the counter by the scruff of his neck, kneeling as he did this so that he remained eye level to Fenrir.

"You do not steal your food!" Loki scolded, tugging at the ham clenched between Fenrir's jaws. The wolf growled for a moment, resisting, but the wet, half-gnawed bone and meat were pulled from him for he would not bring himself to bite Loki.

"This was for everyone," Loki said, holding the ruined meal in front of him. "Was your meal not enough? Fenrir, please _look_ at me. I know you have been so hurt but I swear to you, I will _never_ allow you to go without. Not as you did before. Please believe me when I promise you that you will _never_ know the pain of hunger again. You do not need to eat endlessly – whenever you are hungry, I will provide for you."

Fenrir lowered himself, heavy paws scraping across the floor, a dull impact as he flopped himself down. He rested his head on his paws, forlorn, but Loki dropped the meat and hugged Fenrir as tightly as possible.

"I'm so sorry," Loki said, frowning at the mess. "Is everyone alright?"

"We're fine," Natasha said, lowering the frying pan. "Bruce and Science evacuated the area. Dinner's been massacred, though."

"Jarvis, order some Chinese food, and a new set of dinnerware," Tony said.

Loki sighed, petting Fenrir's soft head. "I will have to undo all of this again," he said, referring to Fenrir's great size, "and there is much you need to learn about your new home and these new people. Take note of all of them – they are far nobler than the Aesir who kept you trapped. These brave ones have spoken in your favor and brought you in from the cold, and would have given you good things to eat if you had only asked. You must listen to them, and never harm them, and most importantly you must protect them from harm and love them as you would your brothers and sister." Fenrir made a small rumbling noise. "Yes," Loki said, his voice stern and long-suffering, "you are expected to _love_ your siblings."

Fenrir seemed to give in to this sentiment begrudgingly, sinking further against the floor with an exhale, in a show of petulance. Loki snorted and looked up at Thor, who still had a sheen of sweat on his forehead from wrestling with Fenrir.

"What do you think, brother mine?" Loki asked, trying, and failing, to sound innocuous in this question.

"I think we should have three more," Thor teased. "Each with your lovely eyes."

"Three more...?" Tony's eyes darted back and forth between the two gods. "Children?!"

"Nay, four more," Loki amended, chuckling darkly. "An even number. Three more girls, with their father's flaxen hair."

"I must confess I have a softness for darker locks," Thor smiled. Loki smiled back. Tony did not like all this smiling.

"I'm putting contraceptives in the water," Tony announced, and marched out the room, 100% done.

 

~~~~

 

What surprised Loki the most about moving Sleipnir into the Avengers tower was that he often found Clint looking after his son, or saw him slipping off more often towards the lower levels. And Loki was busy with Fenrir, trying to change the design of his other child's form, trying to prevent him from growing so monstrously every time he ate a morsel of food. It was time consuming – Loki often forgot to bring a daily carrot to Sleipnir. When he did come downstairs, holding a few of the treats, he found Clint brushing Sleipnir's mane and whispering to him.

Loki would have felt uncertain, but Sleipnir whinnied softly at the sight of his mother, and pressed his nose forward for the treats that Loki held. 

"I'm sorry," Loki said, rubbing Sleipnir's muzzle. "I've been preoccupied with your brother."

"Can I?" Clint asked, and helped Loki feed Sleipnir. When the carrots were eaten, Sleipnir still nudged his nose against their hands for more. "Whoa, buddy, they're all gone," Clint said, petting Sleipnir's broad neck, and leaning in to whisper with him again. "But I'll get you some oats in the morning and fill you up, how about that?"

Loki watched Clint carefully for a moment, equally worried as he was pleased. "He likes a bit of bran as well," Loki advised him.

"Bran it is," Clint proclaimed, paying more attention to the grey steed. "And maybe some apples, just to completely spoil you, hm, big guy?"

Loki returned to the higher levels of the tower, and found Thor in the common areas with a few of the others, Natasha curled into the couch and Tony working on one of his tablet computers.

"What is wrong?" Thor questioned, concerned at once to see Loki's face so solemn in thought, his lips pressed into a thin line.

Loki's face was dark. "I think that Clint is courting our son."

"Oh hell no," Natasha blurted out.

"Sleipnir?" Thor questioned.

Loki nodded gravely. "And Sleipnir is enamored with him as well. Clint will be riding him soon, with or without my consent, I'm sure."

"Clint will take care of him," Thor began to soothe, but was interrupted by a loud clatter of Tony dropping his tablet on the floor.

"Contraceptives," Tony muttered with an air of determination, and fled to his laboratory, where he remained for the better part of two days.

 

~~~~

 

Fenrir's problem could not be ignored for long. The merest morsels of food resulted in him growing fearfully larger, until Loki had to repeat his phoenix-like spell on Fenrir nearly every day. Consequentially, Loki was becoming exhausted.

"Loki..." Steve stepped close to the trickster god after one of these incidents, the sad expression on his face rivaling the born-again puppy in Loki's arms. "I hate to state the obvious, but... this is bad. He can be the size of a house again within minutes."

"I'm well aware," Loki said, both annoyed to be reminded and deeply ashamed that he had not found a way to fix this problem yet.

"Can't you cast a spell on him to keep him small?" Tony questioned, as if it were that simple.

"I've already scoured through every magical text in Asgard and Alfheim," Loki muttered. "If there's a solution, it's far from being written anywhere."

"It's a unique problem," Thor offered, full of affection. "No _seiðkona_ or _seiðmaðr_ before you could have birthed Fenrir to begin with. I'm sure the solution will have to come from you as well."

"Thor's right," Tony agreed, unexpectedly. "The best thing – and the hardest thing – about doing something no one else ever has before is that there isn't a manual to help you out. You've got your basics, and that's it. What basics are in magic, though, I have no freaking clue."

"Magic and science likely have the same root," Bruce pointed out logically. "As Arthur C. Clarke said, 'Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.'"

"Technology," Tony repeated. "Metal and electricity and laws of physics. Technology is not 'snap-my-fingers-and-turn-you-into-a-toad.'"

"You're just jealous," Natasha smiled.

"Toad is so very 17th century," Loki said, droll. "But I think Bruce is on about something. Your sciences are likely a very primitive precursor to magic and therefore have the same basic principles."

"Primitive?!" Tony shouted. "Your palace in Asgard was lit with torches! Thor can summon lightning, but there's no such thing as electricity in your realm? Nobody could figure out how to invent a light bulb? Or even a lantern? Seriously?!"

And Fenrir's enormous form, sometimes so large his shoulders threatened to crack the ceiling, wasn't the only issue. Tony very politely kept his mouth shut about how much Fenrir could devour, and the resulting expenses. And the bigger Fenrir was, the less polite he was about not just taking food.

Fenrir was akin to fire, as his siblings were to water and air, Loki explained as well as he could. He was fire incarnate, and as fire could grow endlessly with more kindling, so could Fenrir. And as fire burned hotter the more it was fed, so did Fenrir's temper turn hot.

"So turn him into a different element," Tony suggested impatiently.

As if the very thought had occurred to Loki eons ago. "It can't be done."

"The hell do you mean it can't be done?" Tony crinkled his forehead in distaste.

Loki glowered. "Do you no longer comprehend English, you imbecile?"

"Who are you calling an imbecile you pointy-nosed little-"

"I believe I'm speaking to _you_."

"Guys," Bruce interrupted, waving his hands in a chopping motion to try to stop them. "If you're gonna fight, you have to get out. The Other Guy loves fighting, but he lets his fists do the talking. Loki's right, Tony. Changing an element would have to be done at the atomic level. And fire isn't even on the same page as the other elements. If water, air, and earth were nouns, fire would be a verb. It's not so much a _thing_ as it is a process."

"I know what fire is," Tony said. "My point is that magic boy should be able to snap his fingers and fix the problem."

"If that were possible, do you think I would have let Fenrir remain chained for millennia?" Loki snapped. "Your concept of magic is grossly oversimplified. Asking me to 'just fix it' is like asking you to assemble one of your machines by hammering on a block of wood."

"I could probably do that," Tony said, arrogant as ever.

"You can make Fenrir small again by letting him combust," Bruce stated, trying to steer the conversation to something productive. "So it's as if everything he eats is stored as potential energy waiting to burn. If we could have a smaller, continuous burn instead of unleashing that energy all at once, we might be able to stabilize him."

"And we'd also have a _wolf_ that continuously _spews fire_ ," Tony pointed out.

Bruce removed his glasses, pressing his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose. "Yellow," he said, standing up. Jarvis automatically locked down all of the experiments in the lab, and Bruce walked away to lock himself in a containment cell for a while, leaving Loki and Tony alone.

Loki glared at Tony accusingly.

"Fire is heat and light," Tony finally said. "Energy, essentially. The solution is obvious. That energy has to be let out one way or another. How exactly you can do that, I don't know. If it were one of my robots, I'd give it plasma blasters or something. Don't blow up my tower." And Tony left as well, retreating to one of his workshops, and Loki knew that he would only return hours later, hungry and covered in engine grease.

So he had to figure out this problem on his own.

And he did.

Between Bruce's comments, and Tony's, Loki figured out a way to cure Fenrir's form of growing so tremendously. They were correct in saying that Fenrir was gathering energy that needed to be expended. Fire was a form of energy. So was magic. The problem was Fenrir's physical form itself.

The following day, Loki rested, gathering his strength, and Fenrir continued to grow with every bit that he ate, and the Avengers' worry grew as well.

"I think I can fix it," was all that Loki said, waiting for a time when the Avengers could be present, in case anything went wrong. He closed Fenrir's mouth with his hands, taking in a long, deep breath and then blowing out slowly into Fenrir's nose, filling Fenrir with his life breath, his magic. Green bolts of magic danced between Loki's fingertips – the air hummed faintly even to the humans with their dulled senses for such things.

"Is he..." Tony faltered as the magic became more apparent – Fenrir's fur changed color to a rich green, and then an electric blue, a fiery red with ripples of light brighter than white. He turned nearly invisible, translucent and shimmering, and then lost his form, and solidity entirely.

"What have you done?" Thor questioned, going to Loki's side as the trickster collapsed.

"How foolish it was of me," Loki said, breathless. "Fenrir was born to be most like myself. And what am I without my magic?"

"Very foolish," Thor scolded lightly, cupping Loki's cheek, trying to examine Loki's eyes, and judge by the dullness of the green how much of his own magic Loki had given to Fenrir. "You shouldn't have done that."

"I'm not a child," Loki said, pushing Thor's hand away from his face, for it was trying to prevent him from looking on at his magnificent Fenrir, who had again become a being of magic, formless, completely uncaged. And despite all of the doors of opportunity being thrust open before him, Fenrir coaxed all the magic of what he was back into a discernible shape – a wolf that seemed to be made of shining light, ethereal, giving off its own glow. Fenrir could learn to be solid again, Loki was sure, but now he knew that Fenrir was truly freed of all that Asgard had forced onto him.

"Will this work?" Bruce questioned. Everyone was eager to know – what would the next problem be after this? And the answer was none, because Loki's solution was fitting.

"Yes, he'll be fine now," Loki said, nodding. "The answer was so easy after all. Water and earth can happily be solid things, after all. Even air can tolerate being trapped and stagnant. But fire cannot live to be confined. It will only extinguish itself. I had only forgotten that chains alone weren't the only prison Asgard had crafted. Fenrir was born magic – he cannot survive otherwise."

"Magic wolf," Tony uttered aloud, while the others stared, entranced as this mist-like being tried to nuzzle against Loki. The inventor turned on heel, slapping Steve's shoulder in an overly friendly way. "Good luck explaining this one to Fury."

x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just kidding about the 'no more Thorki' bit, of course. But seriously, Clippy is my new ship. :|


	27. Chapter 27

Things were never normal again.

Of course, in the lives of those like the Avengers, those words meant nothing because, a) their lives had never been normal to begin with, and b) the only constant in their lives was change – often drastic and rarely good. This time the change meant that they had new team members. As far as things went, they could quite happily accept this.

Fenrir grasped control over his new magical form in a matter of hours. Sometimes he played as solid flesh and fur, and sometimes he stalked the floors as a being of shimmering light. He would wander the tower as he wished, most often going to the laboratory whenever Bruce was working. The doctor would crumple up a page of useless notes and toss them into the air like a three-point shot. Fenrir would catch the balled paper with a snap of his fiery jaws. To him, this was the same as if it were a piece of steak. No longer did they have to get 'proper' food for Fenrir – anything that could burn was a wonderful treat. Tony had gotten ideas in his head to let Fenrir incinerate their trash from then on.

It was dinner time. Fenrir was sprawled out on the floor, in his solid form, and Science was curled up against him, snug and purring.

"They're already best friends," Bruce snorted softly in disbelief. He focused on his meal for a moment, shoving things around with his fork, and then looked across the table at Loki. "I probably shouldn't ask this, Loki, but..." he took Loki's 'nothing-bothers-me' face as a cue to continue. "Why on earth did your father think that Fenrir would eat you?"

Thor frowned disapprovingly, but Loki only pinched his lips together for a moment, considering his words. "He didn't think that at all, of course. He knew it," Loki corrected, somewhat cryptic, and dug back into his food.

"That's a good question, though," Tony persisted. "Is devoured by wild beasts a common Asgard thing?"

"Hardly," Loki answered, sounding almost bored. "Anyone deserving of execution would normally be put to death by Odin's own hand. Or..." he stopped himself, glancing sidelong at Thor.

Everyone in the room caught the glance, and guessed at what it meant, but they didn't have to speculate for more than a second.

"Or they would be struck with Mjolnir," Thor finished for Loki without hesitation, but his voice was heavy and far from having any pride about admitting this.

"I get it, then," Tony nodded, rocking back in his seat. "Thor would never do it, and Odin didn't want to get his hands dirty."

"Why are we talking about this?" Steve questioned.

"Well, it just didn't make _sense_ ," Tony said. "Having someone eaten by their own wolf son? I don't care how feral it is – there's still a chance they'd survive. If I really wanted someone dead – well, I mean, if _someone_ really wanted someone else dead, there are a lot more sure-fire ways of getting the job done."

"Your statements are true, but your conclusion is still false," Loki said. "Odin may not have dared strike me himself, but this is not why he chose Fenrir. He wanted to thwart prophecy and delay the Twilight of the Gods."

Tony stared at Loki for a moment. "Mmmkay, there's a cultural barrier here because I'm not following."

"Ragnarok is the Twilight of the Gods," Thor said, trying to explain. "It is to be the end of all things. The gods are slain – even I – and the world is consumed in flame."

"And then all is reborn," Loki added. "According to history, many Ragnaroks have already passed."

"Every cycle is the same? Sounds like Buddhist reincarnation gone wrong," Bruce frowned.

"Okay, but that doesn't explain _why_ he chose eaten-alive," Tony needled.

"If you ever _read_ either of the Eddas, you would know the prophecy," Loki rolled his eyes at Tony, but decided to actually explain. " _Many_ years ago, Odin rode Sleipnir into Nifelheim, land of the dead, and sought the grave of a prophetess. Unto him she revealed the Twilight of the Gods, and how it would unfold. Lo, said she, that the trickster would escape from his chains and thereupon lead his terrible children against the world. The gods and monsters would do mighty battle and fall dead from their wounds – Heimdall against Loki, Thor against Jormungandr; each would slay the other. Surtur would rise and consume the world in a mighty blaze. And Odin himself would be devoured by the great wolf, whose jaws could swallow the very heavens. Odin therefore believed that if Fenrir would devour me instead, the prophecy would not come to pass and Ragnarok could not set into motion. This is also why he never had me bound in chains, so that part of the prophecy could never be fulfilled."

"So... technically speaking," Tony began, "assuming this prophecy is right after all, we just made it possible for it to still come true and light up the world like a marshmallow in a campfire."

"Shit. We fought on the wrong side," Clint blurted out. "I want a do over."

"The prophecy really seems to hinge on whether Loki and his kids would decide to attack," Bruce pointed out. "So, I'm erring on the side of never gonna happen."

"Well," Loki smirked to himself. "I haven't made up my mind yet."

 

~~~

 

At night, Thor was hot, his body warming Loki, pressing into him, stirring him with friction. Loki was cool, a soothing balm to Thor's inner storm, his kisses biting, turning feverish under Thor's touch. Together they churned the atmosphere. The autumn was treated to some unseasonably fierce thunderstorms. The bed also broke, and Loki took great delight when Thor informed Tony that they would certainly need a new bed now – something larger and strong enough to 'withstand the force of his love', as Thor put it. Tony's face turned interesting colors for several reasons, and the only coherent answer he could give was a squawk of annoyance as he fled the room. Natasha had sat and grinned all the while, making mental notes to save the security footage.

To Loki's surprise, Clint continued to dote on Sleipnir in his spare time, but did not sneak him out of the tower or so much as climb onto his back. Maybe it was especially because of this that Loki finally gave Clint permission to ride Sleipnir.

"Are you sure?" Clint questioned, keeping his voice level, never one to get too over-enthused too quickly.

"He does hate to be cooped up," Loki said reasonably. " _But_ ," he added in a sharp tone, interrupting Clint's sudden victorious outburst of cawing, "there are several conditions."

"Of course there are," Tony said from the couch where he was sprawled out, drink in hand, bare feet crossed at the ankles.

Loki rolled his eyes but otherwise ignored Tony. "You must care for Sleipnir as carefully as your own. Do not take him into unnecessary danger. Do not push him to exhaustion. Do not _ever_ strike him. If I hear that you so much as spoke to my son with a harsh tongue, I will have you know suffering. Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir," Clint saluted. "And I'll have him home before bedtime."

Tony snickered then and continued laughing at the idea until, two days later, he was standing in his lab with a fresh cup of 3am coffee and realized that _they now had a flying horse on the team._ That was awesome on so many levels there should have been laws against it. And Tony thought to himself that if there _were_ such laws, he would just break them anyway. With that idea having finally processed, he was off with renewed fervor to design horse armor. Because a flying horse in _armor_.

The new things came. Things aside from a stronger bed. In a remarkably short time, Sleipnir had a proper home built at the base of the tower. Essentially it was like a greenhouse – high, thick glass allowing in lots of sunlight. Despite the usual sharp planes of metal reinforcement, this new addition to the building was easily the most organic. There was a wide meadow that stretched across the floor, big enough for Sleipnir to canter around if he wished, and smaller stripes of gardens. Then there was the small stable, smelling of fresh hay, made of wood that was already worn smooth around the edges. It had just enough room for all of Sleipnir's tack and a little extra space besides. But that was where the organic stopped – the entire room itself was mechanized in clever little Tony Stark ways, ranging from the irrigation system that kept the grass just so, to several secret exits that were coded only to open for Sleipnir or the Avengers themselves. It was possible, for instance, for Sleipnir to let himself out if one of the Avengers called for aid. Because Tony Stark was as crazy and imaginative as he was brilliant.

Of course, there were certain difficulties to everything. Like the broken ankle Clint got when he tried to ride Sleipnir for the first time. He didn't even make it up into the saddle. 

Instead of riding Slippy, Clint was suddenly benched. While Natasha took the reins instead, Clint spent the better part of the week sitting on the couch in a nest of blankets and self-pity, bitching endlessly. He didn't like being on the sidelines. He hated feeling useless. His cast was itchy. Tony kept picking on him. He was worried he was getting fat. Blah blah blah. At the same time, Bruce was also on the sidelines of the day-to-day fight – although he was there by choice – but at least he made himself useful in the lab.

It annoyed Loki greatly enough that he finally offered to heal Clint's ankle. It took little to convince Clint to get over his nervousness about magic – Loki merely had to reassure him that healing magic was the purest kind, far from the manipulative forces of the spear or the tesseract. Clint did want to be back in the field, after all.

Loki knelt at Clint's feet (the irony of his position was not lost on anymore) and began the arduous task of healing the archer. This kind of magic was like needlework, requiring plenty of focus and patience. Quite literally, Loki spun his magic into wispy threads so fine that he could have sewn clouds together. They were nearly impossible to see, only glinting when the light was just _so_ , like spiderwebs. Loki weaved his hands through the air, fingers plucking and these nigh-invisible threads of energy, his motions graceful and deft as ever as he worked.

As far as healing magic went, Loki could admit that he wasn't the best. His magic simply wasn't inclined towards such things, unlike the healers on Asgard who could soothe pain with just a touch. Those wise women had the knowledge of the body and of herbs, able to concoct a remedy for nearly any ailment.

He learned various tricks from them, of course. He knew which plants were useful for which purposes, how to set a broken bone back into place, and how to use healing stones, among other things. His knowledge perhaps lacked a few trivial bits of information, but the brunt of it was there. None of these were particularly useful now, however. He obviously didn't have any healing stones, nor did Midgard possess the right types of plant life, as far as he knew. So that left him to use magic alone, and although Loki was the best at magic, he wasn't used to using his magic _this_ way. Illusions, yes, invisibility, yes, teleporting and even shapeshifting, yes. But for healing, he had to encourage Clint's body to knit itself back together at a rapid rate, and Loki found that human bodies were far less responsive to magic than Aesir. 

For all his effort, Loki only managed to move the healing process along, but not skip it entirely. Clint still needed his cast, still needed time to heal, and still bitched endlessly. Loki had to convince the team to find a way to drag Clint along on the missions before he threw him off the top of Stark tower.

"Why doesn't Loki ever have to come on missions?" Clint groused one day when he was particularly sore and in a bad mood for nearly breaking his ankle all over again.

"'Cause he's our little Cinderella," Tony quipped. "Someone has to watch the kids while daddy's away. Dust the shelves, vacuum the floors."

Thor smiled and kissed away the sour expression on Loki's face. "Pay no heed to him. I am at ease to have you keep the homefires burning because I know there is none more capable of watching over Bruce, and our dear children. But if it pleases you to join us in battle, you are certainly welcome."

"The art of war is no art at all to me," Loki murmured, pressing thankful kisses against the stubble of Thor's chin. "I'm quite pleased that Stark is so gracious to let me dust his things... prepare his meals," Loki smiled at Tony, all sharp teeth.

"Was that a threat?" Tony scoffed. "Go ahead, sweetie. Two things I learned from college is that I don't need to sleep and I can live off of peanut butter and jelly for the rest of my life."

Loki chuckled at Tony's sass and that was the end of it.

 

~~~

 

One day, while the team was out dealing with mutant alligators that had risen up from the sewers, Pepper came by with an assortment of clothes. She found Loki sitting in the living room watching the live footage of the fight. Fenrir and Science were both curled up by his side.

"Tony told me pink was your color..." Pepper began, setting down the armful of clothes. "I'm assuming that he was kidding."

Pepper was very astute - loyal to Tony but also aware of when to disobey his orders. Loki immediately admired that about her. She also wasn't very fond of Loki, or at least not too trusting or willing to forgive and forget. Pepper assured Loki in a rather direct way that if he tried to hurt Tony again, she would gut him like a fish. That made him admire her even more.

The clothes she brought all fit him perfectly - but of course they did when Stark had an AI that could judge his measurements and send them to Pepper. What was really worth noting was that they fit his sense of style, his personality. They were a beautiful, far cry from the sweats and over-sized shirts he'd been borrowing from Thor. The colors were greys and greens, plenty of black, crisp white shirts, and only a few touches of blue where Pepper had branched out, telling him in a dry tone it was in case he felt particularly daring one day.

Sense of humor, too. Lady Pepper was wonderful. She assessed each outfit out loud, remarking on what worked and what did not. "I'll order more," she said each time she and Loki agreed on something, and they both seemed to have an eye for it.

"I like this best," Loki finally said, unwilling to change his clothes another time. He adjusted his cuffs, his collar, enjoying himself. He _knew_ he looked good. "If I could, I'll have many more of these, so I could wear one every day."

"You won't need very many," Pepper said. "Suits are for formal occasions. Even Tony doesn't like wearing them too often."

"Is it wrong for one to look their best on Midgard?" Loki questioned.

"Of course not, but you'll be more comfortable in casual clothes," Pepper tried to reason.

Loki shook his head. "I _like_ formal attire," he said.

Pepper pressed her lips together with the infinite patience that came from working for Tony Stark. "Just remember – you look just as good in a t-shirt and jeans," she said.

Loki looked doubtful as he adjusted his tie once again, but gave her a charming smile. "I don't want to look _good_ , my dear. I would prefer to look _exceptional_."

 

x


End file.
